Moshe’z Filk Songs

Lifetime of Filk

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Lifetime of Filk</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Lifetime of Song”

Original: Heather Alexander (Lifetime of Song)

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How great is the need to twist and to maim

Some think that filking is awefully lame

But a pun and a wink and a joke that’s obscure

Is good trade for a song (or is it? I’m unsure)

What gift can I find in return for this prize?

When you sing me the songs that bring tears to my eyes

I can take all your lyrics and twist them around

The look will be new, but the same ol’ good sound

Chorus:

I will fashion a pun with a twist of my mind

For the lyrics you sing, I will give back in kind

I will poke, prod and push, every rhyme I will milk

A lifetime of song’s worth a lifetime of filk

I can take from your tune, ‘till you wish it had died

I can’t write songs from scratch, so my time I will bide

When you have a new song, that you’ll wish I ignore

I will chuckle and publish new lyrics galore

[Chorus]

This vow that you made will be my way to fame

For each song that you write is a new tune I claim

Be it loud hard-rock drumming or a nice quiet song

With each new creation my filking grows strong

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Deep-Nets are Better Than People

<p class=”verse”>Deep-nets are better than people,

Al don’t you think that’s true?</p>

<p class=”verse”>Yeah, people will error

Decide out of terror,

And play silly moves with no clue</p>

<p class=”verse”>But people speak better than deep-nets

Al, don’t you think that I’m right?</p>

<p class=”verse”>That’s once again true,

For all that you knew</p>

<p class=”verse”>You got me, let’s call it a night</p>

<p class=”verse”>Good night</p>

<p class=”verse”>Don’t let the frostbite bite</p>

No Such Fantasy

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>No Such Fantasy</strong></em></font>

Original: No Such Thing (Zander Nyrond)

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On a day of wind and rain my daughter said to me:

“The clouds are full of things today, oh mommy, can you see?”

“What kind of things?” I asked her as the clouds went rushing by.

“There’s elves and and dwarves and dragons all marching in the sky.”

I took her from the window and I sat her on my knee,

And I told her “Stop this foolishness and listen well to me…”

CHORUS:

There’s no such thing as dragons,

And there’s no such thing as elves.

They’re creatures out of fantasy

Of tales we tell our selves

But now my daughter’s quiet and she spends too long with friends,

To save a maid from dragons, she’ll walk to kingdom’s ends

And I know that one day soon now, when she’s old enough to care

She’ll want to take the games outside and LARP in open air

And she’ll learn about the foam swords, and she’ll paste on elven ears

And in spite of all our trying, she will live out our worst fears

For – [CHORUS]

Angel

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Angel</strong></em></font>

Original: Angel theme song (Darling Violetta)

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There is a vampire, with a soul that’s good, named “Angel”

Yes, he’s a vampire with a soul that’s good

But when he feels he’s happy

His soul is gone completely

And he becomes pretty bad

Like all other vampires with no soul that’s good

I Meant to Code That

TTTO “I Meant to Do That” by Echo’s Children

The coders all chase hard bugs as the users demand

But sometimes the requests will start to get out of hand

We’ll ramble and we will rant and we will start to swear

“You see, it can’t be,” we told all who were there

(We said)

We meant to do that, oh don’t you suppose,

We did it on purpose for a technical cause

Since you’re just the users, and we wrote the code

We thought we ought to say it’s just the crash-happy mode

Our system sometimes crashes just to give you a scare

When given too much load, it stops, we crash ‘cause we care

When the core files litter the hard drives, the system won’t boot

Restoring it will need the tender cares of the “root”

(He’ll say)

…

When we do something foolish, we won’t run and hide

Those cynical souls say we’re salving our pride

We’ll pull ourselves together, and we’ll mumble in geek

You’ll guess that the solution takes no less than a week

(We’ll say)

…

From a coder’s book of etiquette, this lesson please take:

You don’t have to be embarassed if you make a mistake

Just mumble something geeky ‘bout “non-standard load”

And tell the watching crowd, “you know, it’s hard to write code”

(And say)

…

Yesterday We Had a Homeworld

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”>Yesterday We Had a Homeworld

Original: Yesterday (Beatles)

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Yesterday,

The planet looked as though it’s here to stay

Now I have to go so far away

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,

I was launched into the vacuum sea

The probability drive just saved me

Stolen space crafts come suddenly

Why Trill

Had to go: Zaphod’s heads were not denied

Now I’m

On the ship, and I long for yesterday

Yesterday,

The humans’ planet was just blown away

By a Vogonite destruction ray

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why Trill

Had to go: Zaphod’s heads were not denied

Now I’m

On the ship, and I long for yesterday

Yesterday,

The humans’ planet was just blown away

By a Vogonite destruction ray

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Terra was a harmless world

Thanks to DK

403 Denied

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>403 Denied</strong></em></font>

Original: 307 Ale (Tom Smith)

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When you surf on the web, me lads, on every site that’s new

There’s 500 internal, 404 not found and the good old 502

There’s 302 and 301 and 300 (is hard to find)

But I think the most annoying one is 403 denied

403 denied, me lads, 403 denied

The most annoying error that on the web you’ll find

It says the file is there but that the web server is blind

403 denied

It started out down in CERN, when a file could not be read

And TBL just had to know it’s not the file is dead

He came up with this brand new code, which spells out “I refuse…

For trying to authenticate, you’ll only get abuse.”

(chorus)

They needed to distinguish it from 401 “who’s you?”

Which means that if you know the code, then you could get value

But with that god-damn 403, you’re left without recourse

Unless it is to vent the rage in poorly-written verse

(chorus)

Now when you surf, and get a link and click it hopefully

If the admin that worked on it put permissions carelessly

He made it chmod’ed -r for the apache group

And now it’s worth less than a pile of icky oozing goop

(chorus)

(slower)

There’s many error codes, me lads, but this one beats them all:

“I have the file, you see, but you’re just talking to a wall –

It won’t help to authenticate, won’t do to try again,

And if you bash the keyboard it will only cause you pain.”

(final chorus)

403 denied, me lads, 403 denied

The most annoying error that on the web you’ll find

It says the file is there but that the web server is blind

It riles and it chafes, for the file, it’s just there,

But that mean old server won’t give a care

It’s good the error is so rare

403 denied

(It’s clear what they’re doing to) Flatten the Grass

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>(It’s clear what they’re doing to) Flatten the Grass</strong></em></font>

Original: Flatten the Grass (Echo’s Children)

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I find in the evenings ten times out of ten

If I smile at him right, I can get any man

We go somewhere secluded and lie down on the grass

And we’ll fool around and I’ll show him my…rank

I’m a young lady of savvy and charm

And I’ve slept with all the young boys on the farm

Some like it gentle and some like it rough

I want it all and I can’t get enough

Chorus:

Flatten the grass, flatten the grass

It’s clear what we’re doing to flatten the grass

Flatten the grass, flatten the grass

It’s clear what we’re doing to flatten the grass

Da says that boys have one thing on their minds

But he may be in shock, if he only finds

That I have the same thing on my mind as well

He’ll preach and he’ll tell me I’m going to hell

But I’m not gonna stop, it just feels too damn good

For a roll in the hay I’m always in the mood

But I do it discreetly and the clues I mask

I’ll tell him no lies if no questions he’ll ask

[Chorus]

Ma says that young ladies have to take care

So I heed her words and I always prepare

I make sure to take pills, you can’t count on the guy

If he’s after sex then he surely will lie

[Chorus]

Now Peter and I will go off and play

Out in the grass, by night or by day –

He’s no longer mad when I punch him or kick

For our S&amp;M games are fun, although sick

קרבות של נתבים

<p><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>קרבות של נתבים</strong></em></font><br />

Original: דמעות של מלאכים (???)</p>

<a href=”http://www.fuzzy-fish.com/Recordings/router_battles.mp3”>Recording of it being sung in Icon 2008</a>

<p><a name=”cutid1”></a><br />

קרבות של נתבים<br />

קרבות קשים<br />

קרבות יפים ועזצובים<br />

על הגדרות של פרוטוקולים עלומים<br />

הם כה עגומים</p>

<p>כי כשהנתבים רבים, פקטות לא עוברות<br />

ולמשתמשים שלנו זה עושה צרות</p>

<p>קרבות של נתבים<br />

מדוע הם רבים הנתבים<br />

אולי בגלל שזה לא קל להיות נתב לפרוטוקול כל כך מורכב</p>

<p>And English version:</p>

<p><a name=”cutid2”></a><br />

Routers waging war<br />

Battle hard and battle beautifully<br />

Battles which we are still ruing<br />

Of tiny details arguing</p>

<p>[Chorus]<br />

Because when routers battle on,<br />

The packets in the LAN<br />

Get stuck and dropped on the floor<br />

Victims of the war</p>

<p>Routers waging war<br />

How I wish that they would fight no more<br />

Although I know that it’s like dealing with some trolls<br />

To route such complex protocols</p>

<p>[Chorus]</p>

Protein in the Jar

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Protein in the Jar</strong></em></font>

Original: Whiskey in the Jar (Folk)

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As we were lookin’ for a job to keep us going

We saw a radar blip, and a spaceship it was showing

We first brought in Jayne, and then we brought in Zoe

For looting may be a crime, but it gets us somewhat dough-ey

Chorus:

Dong ma, bao bay, dong ma

Fly for the daddy ‘ol

Fly for the daddy ‘ol

There’s protein in the jar

We counted out our loot and it made a hefty booty

To take it all and sell it, well we felt it is our duty

We felt all warm and happy, for we could keep on flying

But the devil take the union, in all things they are prying

We had to have our Kaylee for to the bomb it was a-tickin’

The reavers booby-trapped the thing, we were gonna take a lickin’

But now just as we were free, and were gonna be rewarded

The union ship that spotted us said “please stop and be boarded”

T’was black in space as always, and the troops entered our haven

All mil’try-like and official, and their faces they were shaven

We showed them in with welcome, all ‘cept Simon and his sister

She was wanted by the union, and we made sure that they missed her

Now nobody can aid us, but Mal can save the captain

But Mal saved his life when he thought his death was certain

And so the captain freed us, but our booty he impounded

His “civilized” ideas – they left us all confounded

Now there’s some take delight in the fightin’ and the punching

And others take delight in the fine food they are munching

But I take delight in the spaceship that I’m flying

Cross my heart and hope to die, for of that I’ll not be lying

March of the Hellmouth

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>March of the Hellmouth</strong></em></font>

Original: March of Cambreadth (Heather Alexander)

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Crossbows cocked, stakes in hand

Shiny scythe the rules to bend

Partiarchs won’t give the tone

The slayer walks no more alone

The potentials aren’t afraid

They will learn from what they’re made

Not all of them the fight will last

How many of them can we make dust!

Hold your stations as you’re told

The englishman with the guy who’s bald

The ex-demon with the geek

He’ll have to stop being meek

Take a leak before the fight

Or you’ll do during, from the fright

Clean your swords from grime and rust

How many of them can we make dust

Guard your backs and teammates well

Send these bastards back to hell

We’ll teach them not to mess with us

They will no more here raise a fuss

Use your newfound strengh and speed

Give it all, to win you need

You will fight because you must!

How many of them can we make dust

Dawn will fight, she’ll bring in light

Andrew will deal with his fright

We’ll lure the vampires out to die

Hit them low and hit them high

The potentials aren’t afraid

They will learn from what they’re made

Not all of them the fight will last

How many of them can we make dust!

(repeat first verse)

No Such Vampire

TTTO “No such Thing”, Zander Nyrond

On a day of wind and rain, my daughter said to me:

“The caves are full of things today, oh mommy, can’t you see?”

“What kind of things?” I asked her, as my face was growing pale

“There’s demons and vampires, they kill in Sunnydale”

So I sat her at the table, and I looked all motherly

And I told her “Stop this foolishness and listen well to me”

Chorus:

There’s no such thing as demons

The vampires are not real

If you can’t face reality

Your mind we’ll have to heal

But now my daughter’s quiet, and denial is my game

I wash the blood from clothes worn, ignoring what’s to blame

And I know it’s not forever, for a slayer has to die

That day we’ll stand around the plot, say platitudes and cry

We will choose a careful wording for the headstone on the grave

For the world will still not know of her, the world she died to save

[Chorus]

Buffy (You’re a Fine Girl)

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Buffy (You’re a Fine Girl)</strong></em></font>

Original: Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl) (Looking Glass)

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There’s a school, on the mouth of hell

And quite near it, many vampires dwell

But it looks normal, you couldn’t tell

The vampires roam at night

And there’s a girl, in this hellish school

And in LA, she was pretty cool

Yet here, she fights the vampires’ rule

She slays them left and right

The vampires say, “Buffy, you’re a fine girl

What a good meal you would be

Yeah your blood is all I require

To nourish me.”

Buffy, wears a braided chain

With a cross, to ward away the pain

Of the fangs: it was a gift

From the vampire that she loved

He came, on a summer’s day

Being mysterious, she couldn’t slay

But they realized, he couldn’t stay

For too much was at stake

The vampire said, “Buffy, you’re a fine girl

What a good lay you would be

But my soul, it will go forever

The gypsies cursed me

Yeah Buffy used to watch his abs when he told his sad sob story

And the tale of how he got his soul really made her feel sorry

But he could not feel happiness, Lord that made him quite a pain

And Buffy does her best to understand

At night, when the Bronze closed down

Buffy walked through a silent town

Killed vampires without a frown,

She remembered what Angel said, yes angel said

“Buffy, you’re a fine girl

What a good lay you would be

But my soul, it will go forever

The gypsies cursed me

“Buffy, you’re a fine girl

What a good lay you would be

But my soul, it will go forever

The gypsies cursed me

Smoking the Grass

TTTO “Flatten the Grass”, Echo’s Children

I find in the evenings three times out of ten

I need to relax and let steam off my brain

I smoke me some weed and my mind seems to clear

And though it’s illegal, it’s safer than beer

Now I’m a felon, though I did no harm

The world is messed up if it causes alarm

Repeat propaganda again and again

It still won’t convince me to cease and abstain

[Chorus]

Smoking the grass, smoking the grass

There is no reason to not smoke the grass

Smoking the grass, smoking the grass

There is no reason to not smoke the grass

Drug propaganda has started the war

Watch all the death and observe all the gore

This policy looks like it’s all out of whack

It must be derailed and then thrown off its track

But we aren’t square and we don’t fit the mold

Spirits are free, we don’t do what we’re told

But we are not dangerous, I should remark

Why do they want us all locked in the dark?

Teachers all say “on drugs don’t take a chance”

I barely look up as I spare them a glance

“This is your mind” no attention I’ve paid

It is just a cartoon meant to make us afraid

They are being robots, just saying their lines

And I can’t really stand to hear more of their whines

Real facts they will not bring, or I would concede

Until they do that though, I’ll keep smoking weed

Peterkin told me he’s got on the side

Some stuff guaranteed for a wonderful ride

I tried dropping acid while high on the grass

Learned some cool things that you won’t see in class

The people who keep on just harping like crows

A mind that is open, they wish it would close

I think this is stupid, and I hope somehow

They’ll stop with the laws that the grass disallow

Turing in the 21st Century

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Turing in the 21st Century</strong></em></font>

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”> Original: Cicero in the 21st Century

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Times were bad fifty years ago

Said Turing: “if a look you’ll just take

The machines don’t halt when we tell them

And a human being they cannot fake”

Well it’s been a long time since Turing

But look around, it’s gotten worse

The computers still won’t halt it’s not the programmers at fault

And we’re singing a similar verse:

Refrain:

Yes these are terrible times that we live in,

Society is going to explode

Computers don’t obey their masters

And everyone is writing code

Once assembler used to take a lot of work

But high-level makes it a snap

You just create a dozen objects

Although the performance is crap

The algorithm doesn’t have to be clever

Or original or not trash;

If it runs occasionally that’s ok for you and me

And strings you’d not expect your program won’t reject

And ninety-nine percent of them crash

[Refrain]

So now we’re living in a Turing dream

Computing resources are cheap

But the window system consumes them

And the features continue to creep

So come on all you need is Python

And motivation to scratch your itch

If the computer won’t obey you will make it run your way

Just write a script or two and run it on gentoo

And if you use the GPL then your code won’t go to hell

And you will be a programming witch

[Refrain]

Bin There, Coded That

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Bin There, Coded That</strong></em></font>

Original: Bin There, Dun That (Echo’s Children)

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I had regular expressions and I thought that I’d use Perl

But with at, bang, hash and dollar, when I look at it I hurl

When I woke up the next morning, and I tried to hack the code

I decided I can’t do it, and it’s time to hit the road

Chorus:

Bin there, dun that, learned when I should leave

Got the conference’s t-shirt, and the other stuff they give

Yes, I bin there, dun that, learned to how to indent

So now I code in Python and that’s how I pay my rent

The CEO demanded that our language be the same

As what everyone is using, and no matter if it’s lame

So now all our work is Java, and the code is enterprise

But we tried to scale it up and we were in for a surprise

[Chorus]

C plus plus is oriented, to objects, so they say

Just ask Alan Kay about it, he’ll explain it’s not the way

And when your code is full of templates, the compiler laughs at you

‘Cause the messages you get can be encoded jibb’rish goo

[Chorus]

Those old parenthic languages, they got no sense of style

You just write the AST trees, it gets old after a while

And with Lispish reader macros, code can change before you blink

When you try to read it later, it does not mean what you think

[Chorus]

Music in the 21st Century

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><i><b>Music in the 21st Century</b></i></font>

Original: Cicero in the 21st Century (Steve Savitzky)

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Times were good two thousand years ago

It’s obvious, just take a look

Everybody was a poet

Although most couldn’t read books

Well it’s been a long time since ancient Rome

But look around and you can see it plain

Though most are in decline we are just doing fine

And we’re whistling a new refrain:

Refrain:

Yes these are wonderful times that we live in

Though society does not like our ilk

Children have some independence

And we are all writing filk

Writing songs used to take a lot of work;

But parodies are a snap

You just change some words and it’s over

Though a lot of the time it is crap

Kanef has come along showed how to write a song

It is important to conserve more then one song a tune can serve

And ninety-nine percent of them do

So now we’re going to a new filk con

And everyone will sing what they please

It may be off key and off meter

Not everyone can be performance wiz

Some come all you need is some lyrics

And a tune to serve as your base

If it’s popular at all we’ll sing and have a ball

We have fun and just don’t care if you’re singing like a bear

So stay until the dawn I don’t think you’ll be alone

And we’ll sing ‘till we’re blue in the face

Superhero Preferences

Original: Ani Ohev (The Sixteenth Sheep)

<a name=”cutid1”></a>

I am fond of Peter Parker, and Spider Man

But I also like Clark Kent, and Super Man

And I love the Hulk, if he’s grey or he’s green

I really adore Wolverine and no matter if he’s mean

[Chorus]

Oh, I love when they’re gentle, and I love it when they’re tough

Or when their face is exposed – oh I can’t get enough

When they’re framed for a murder, or some heinous crime

And they have to prove it’s not them, or they’ll have to do some time

I like Bubbles and Blossom – and Buttercup

And I really like Shira, and I know I’ll get some rap

But if you ask me my favourite, I know where I put my money

‘Cause what I really really love…is My Little Pony

[Chorus]

Fox’s Song

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Fox’s Song</strong></em></font>

Original: Mal’s Song (Michelle Dockerey)

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When the pages fly down the internet tubes

And the HTML is rendered to screen

Sometimes it works, if the standard is kept

And the code and the graphics try to be clean

There’s a simple standard, they embrace and extend

If there’s two ways about it, then they choose a third

There were wars we won, and then a war that we lost

Then we freed the code, made a splash that was heard!

It’s called firefox, but it was firebird

Don’t you tell me that I’m just a nerd

[Chorus]

Take my SYN, take my ACK

Drop ‘em and don’t give ‘em back

I don’t care, it’s still free

You can’t take the code from me

Take me to the internet

Just let me perform a GET

From the standards make debris

You can’t take the code from me

When you see a man, and he’s surfing alone

Well you can assume that he’s searching for porn

The righteous forbid it, and sniff to make sure

But men will be men, from the time that they’re born

Religious fanatics and the government hounds

Protecting virtue and censoring you

But my browser’s got 128 bits

Hard core encryption, they can’t break through

Don’t you think I care ‘bout you and your crew

There’s nothing that my browser can’t do

When you’ve read the code, and you’ve seen what I’ve seen

Well you won’t go talkin’ ‘bout leak free code

You’ll see the memory usage go through the roof

Yes running that program is quite a load

I’ve seen browsers crash from Javascript bugs

Seen HTML which good design mocks

With FONT and CENTER, WIRED and BLINK

Non-standard elements by droves and flocks

My God, got to get out of this box

Still I got my browser – that’s Firefox

Must Hurry

Original: No Hurry (Michelle Dockerey)

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The horns beeps in the morning make a loud annoying sound

In the lane that’s to my right an empty place I found

As I swerve too fast I almost crash, but I still can keep my speed

To get to work on time – that is my sole need

Chorus:

Must hurry, must hurry now,

Overtake from the left, overtake from the right

Must hurry, must hurry now,

Swerve into lanes when the margin is tight

Must hurry, must hurry now,

If I lose a minute, I have lost a way

Must hurry, must hurry now

And the office is so far and away

(chorus)

We crest the hill and see a huge jam by the shore

Pass the signpost for a speed that’s not helpful anymore

We made such good speed so far, but now we drive so slow

And the time when I had to be at work is now so long ago

(chorus)

I try to take a shortcut, but it looks like so have they,

And if I will not be at work, there will be hell to pay

Though our labour is of burden beasts, our speed is that of snails

We drive slow in the traffic on the roads and on the trails

(chorus)

Papa tells me to take care, but this driving’s all I’ve known

Still I wonder what it’s like to call the zen monk’s calm your own

To avoid the honks and anger, not try to win that race

But it’s hard not to get angry when you move at such a pace

Swingin’ Spiderman

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Swingin’ Spiderman</strong></em></font>

Original: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

<a name=”cutid1”></a>

Swing up, swing down, spiderman

Do all that a spider can

“Why hide your face behind a mask?”

“Who are you?” – That’s what we ask

Swing up, swing down, spiderman

Do all that a spider can

Don’t Cut In

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Don’t Cut In</strong></em></font>

Original: No Quarter (Echo’s Children)

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In my car I drive to work, I need to get there soon

I should have been there nine am and now it’s almost noon

My car does not have honor guard, it does not have a crew

But now I cannot get all those, and what I must I’ll do

[Chorus]

Don’t cut in, don’t cut in, or you’ll be dragon bait

‘Cause I will do all that I must, I don’t want to be late

Ancients legends talk of gods who fly at scary speed

Though I’m here on the ground, to do the same I need

And so I’ll not be tardy, or not by much, at least

I don’t care who will pay for it, be it man or beast

I know what’s the alternative, to sit here all day long

So I will drive on sidewalks too, although I know it’s wrong

Here that engine roaring, as I drive over the slow

Now here’s a tip to doing that – stay in a gear that’s low

The toll of dead is rising, so do what you will, dear sir

And you – dear ma’am – do what you will, I kill both him and her

I care for debts of honor not at all, nor what is fair

And if you drive in front of me – my god, the gall, you dare?

So don’t get on the road unless you’ll be there with a tank

‘Cause I don’t care just what you do, or what you claim as rank

For if I find you in my way, all’s fair in drive and war

The last thing that you will hear shall be my engine’s roar

Never Set Yourself on Fire

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Never Set Yourself on Fire</strong></em></font>

Original: Never Set the Cat on Fire (Frank Hayes)

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Never set yourself on fire, it hurts and burns and itches

The heat will only help inspire thoughts of burning witches

Likewise do not ignite the fen, the con hotel or helpful men

And never set yourself on fire

Obey the signs, that FLARE put here, and re: a pyre

Don’t ever set yourself on fire

Don’t walk around without a badge, for you’re not undercover

And if you lose it then you must pay for a new one over

And though you think your life’s a bore, don’t hire aliens off the floor

Don’t walk around without a badge,

Don’t walk around without clothes, for we will see right through ya

“No costume is no custom” rule: it’s a simple sane idea

And though you really like some cats, you cannot bring to the hotel pets

Don’t walk around without clothes

Don’t start an interfandom war, there are no helpful uses

Is Buffy better? Or is Lost? You’ll just light lots of fuses

If three or thirty fans get hurt, a single fan still won’t convert

Don’t start an interfandom war

Gremlins 2.0

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Gremlins 2.0</strong></em></font>

Original: Gremlins (Leslie Fish)

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Little sprites of the ancient wood, got into whirling gears

Ever since the steam engine, they’ve been there for years

Now we’ve progressed on and on with solid-state machines

There are no more those moving parts, no clicky whirling tins

HUMANS! HUMANS!

Pay your dues

Just two paths but you get to choose

Feed us now, or data lose

Gremlins everywhere

Machines are few, and far between, what should gremlins do?

They all turned to digital, seaking pastures new

They found a home in RAM and disk, sometimes a bit they flip

And they can cause your data gone if you just give them lip

Gremlins like the bits and bytes, the zeroes and the ones

Dumb machines are literal, they don’t get gremlin puns

Gremlins feast on code and docs, comments make their lunch

And files with no correct backup is what they like to crunch

So if those bugs are cropping up, best thing you can do

Is make peace with the gremlin horde, and make them work for you

Test and document your code, the formatting keep clean

And then they will do what you say – but still not what you mean

The Song and Dance

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>The Song and Dance</strong></em></font>

Original: The Crane Dance (Julia Ecklar)

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In this song, I quest for lyrics

But they come not to me

“Writing words is the point of filk”

But alas it will not be

It is hard to write the lyrics

When the words don’t come to mind

Perhaps I can beg for lyrics,

If people will be kind

For lyrics can move minds and hearts

And hold allure for fen

But the lyrics don’t flow easily

To the paper from my pen

In my life, I’ve written lyrics

Perhaps I’m tapped out now

I know I can come up with lyrics

But I have forgotten how

If I try to surf to rhymezone

At least it will suck less

My friends, for this I’m sorry

But this song turns out a mess

For lyrics of a fairy tale

That everybody knows

For ideas to write my lyrics

I intend to turn to prose

Still I try to quest for lyrics

With my laptop on my knees

I still yearn to find my muse, for

My quest perhaps she’ll ease

With my hands upon the keyboard

And vi in insert mode

I try to write out song words

But I’m too used to writing code

For lyrics are within my grasp

If I just try hard enough

I just hope the lyrics will come soon

Why should it be so tough?

Shall I despair of finding lyrics

Or shall be brave and strong?

Could it be that sometime soon

The ideas would come along

This song is almost over

And the words are almost done

And before this song is finished

I will come up with a pun

For lyrics are so hard to find

This close to the end

But I know where to find lyrics

If I put them on my stand

The Crane Lift

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>The Crane Lift</strong></em></font>

Original: The Crane Dance (Julia Ecklar)

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In my life, I quest for power

So the people say to me

Living life, that’s well and good

But power is the key

If there’s balance to my power

Then it’s simply not enough

My dears, I must have power

And I must be strong and tough

For power is its own reward

When you smite who you will

You don’t have to be responsible

But with power, comes the bill

As I gather up my power,

There are those who like it not

They think it might be dangerous

But I smite them, a lot

There is much fun in the power

When it’s used without remorse

But then I get so hungry

That I could eat a horse

For power out of fairy tales

Of evils lords who rule

Is what I want, and all I want

‘Cause power is so cool

Acts of Change

[Chorus]

When you’re in McGongal’s classroom, please be quiet, listen well,

Pay attention to the teacher, and please learn that spell

You can switch your form around, though it does appear so strange

Every transfiguration is an act of change

From the wizard hurling hexes, using spells that he has found

Through the witches brewing poison, to the people killed and drowned

In this world of charm and magic, when it’s easy to destroy

Every Avra Kedavra is an act of joy

[Chorus]

You can study dreams and star charts, you can use a crystal ball

But you need to have the talent, or you can’t be helped at all

We are reaching for the future, and it’s not beyond our scope

Every cast divinition is an act of hope

[Chorus]

You can learn to be an auror, and the dark arts to defuse

It’s a fight of good and evil, and a side you have to choose

Harry was a small child, frightened, when a spell his mother wove

For there’s nothing that’s stronger than a mother’s love

[Chorus]

We’re Strong, We’ll Win

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>We’re Strong, We’ll Win</strong></em></font>

Original: Bin There, Dun That (Echo’s Children)

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We marched on in, all sure and strong

Our weapons at our side

But ever since it all went wrong

We try to run and hide

[Chorus]

We’re strong, we’ll win – that should be the law

But by now we’re all but beaten, and we’ll settle for a draw

We’re strong, we’ll win – it shouldn’t be so tough

Quiet honestly we’re sick of it, by now we’ve had enough

They wouldn’t stop and wouldn’t die

And wouldn’t lose, the knaves

So we thought that we’ll just say goodbye

And go back to our faves

So finally they stopped the war

And neither side did well

We all grew tired of the gore

And won’t go back to hell

Blogs

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><i><b>Blogs</b></i></font>

Original: Bugs (Steve Savitzky), a significant portion of the lyrics is adapted from Cicero in the 21st Centruy (Steve Savitzky)

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Way back in ancient Rome, if you could take a look

Children did all that they wanted, and everyone wrote a book

It is the same in this age too, society’s going to the dogs

Children act the same way, and everyone’s writing blogs

And it’s blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs

Blogs, blogs, BLOGS

There’s always some more blogs

A web site used to take work, now it’s all a snap

Any fool can click and write one, no matter if it’s crap

The contents are not clever, or interesting or true

Any idiot can do it, and ninety nine percent do

So if you care about nature, if you don’t want to cut trees

But you still feel that there’s someone whom your writing would please

Then you’ll want to write a new blog, find a dead horse to flog

Write endless tirades of ranting – or just put lyrics up in your blog

The World Outside the Crystal

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><i><b>The World Outside the Crystal</b></i></font>

Original: World Inside the Crystal (Steve Savitzky)

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Outside the world we live in

There’s another one at hand

It’s a world ablaze with wonder

Where nature fills the land

Like a magic crystal mirror

Reflected on my screen

Is an ocean and a forest

One is blue, and one is green

Refrain:

You can only see the shadows

Of electrons on a screen

This can only fake an image

Only show what might have been

When you play with words and music

And creation is the game

Then your symbols have the power

To become the things they name

But just once in a long while

You should try to go outside

Though your power here is limited

You cannot always hide

[Refrain]

Call us hackers, call us wizards

For we know it’s with disdain

But we like it here, it’s comfortable

Of nothing we complain

With our pasty white complexion

And the LCD’s backlight

We sleep when outside it’s day

And code into the night

Pythonic

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Pythonic</strong></em></font>

Jane Mailander has a song called “Pythonic” about Monty Python TTTO “Ironic”. I thought this has to be written:

Original: Ironic (Alanis Morisette)

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A Dutch man, with a brand new OS

He wrote a language for it, from scratch more or less

So he borrowed a name from a comedy troup

And he stole some ideas from an academy group

And isn’t it Pythonic…don’t you think

[Chorus]

It’s like code so clear, you just know what it means

It’s just objects at work ‘cause we don’t need no beans

It’s the one way to do it because we don’t need two

And wouldn’t you know, it’s Guido

Its structure’s determined by spaces and tabs

It was proved to be better by testing in labs

The block-starting colon – it’s there to be clear

The language’s so pretty, without any peer

And wouldn’t you know, it’s Guido

[Chorus]

Well the library has a funny way of having it all

When you think you will have to code and having to do it by yourself

And the library has a funny way of just being dumb

When you think it’s got it all it’ll just go blowing up

In your face

Some metaclasses when you need them that bad

Some generators for flow that is mad

It’s like ten ways to do it but one is the best

It’s learning just what you need,

And then learning all of the rest

And isn’t it Pythonic…don’t you think

Almost too Pythonic…and, yeah, I really do think…

[Chorus]

The library has a funny way of having it all

The library has a funny, funny way of just blowing up

Just blowing up

Call my cell

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Call my cell</strong></em></font>

TTTO “You can call me Al”

Paul Simon

(inspired by my boss signing off an IM conversation saying “you can call my cell”)

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A man drives down the street

He says why am I lost in the middle now

Why am I lost in the middle

Reading a map is so hard

I need some good directions

I want a piece of advice

Don’t want to end up in circles

Burning my gas out

Gas meter, gas meter

Running on empty

Far away from well-lit home

Mr. honking horn, honking horn

Don’t honk your horn at me

You know I don’t find the street

Where I should have made a right

[Chorus]

If you’ll be available

I can be your G-P-S

I can call you Betty

And Betty when you call me

You can call my cell

A man drives down the street

He says why do I get no signal

One little bar of signal

And woe my calls are so long

Talking to wife and family

What if it dies here

Who’ll be my cell phone

Now that the battery has

Died died

Too far away from antenna

With no connection whatsoever

All alone alone

There were disconnections in the middle

There were lost phone calls disconnecting

[Chorus]

A man drives down the street

It’s a street in a strange world

Maybe it’s the first world

Maybe it’s a strange part of town

He doesn’t know the street names

He folds no maps of this place

He is a foreign man

He is surrounded by the sound

The sound

[spoken]

In one thousand meters, make a right

Then keep left

He looks around, around

He sees street names on the signs

He turns right and hellelujah –

[Chorus]

I Know I Can’t Spell

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>I Know I Can’t Spell</strong></em></font>

TTTO “I’m Under Your Spell”, Once More With Feeling

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I used to talk to my friends

Never sent S-M-S

But now my cell phone just sends

Text, and I talk less and less

But because space is tight

The English just ain’t right

I know I can’t spell

How else could it be

“kthxbye” looks right to me

It’s shorter, you can tell

gtg, I’ll brb

I now type so easily

I saw a world enchanted

Laughter was in the air

But now I take for granted

With a “lolz” I can bring you there

‘Cause dude, that just pwnz

When I dl all these ring-tones

I know I can’t spell

Nothing I can do

But I know I will be CNU

I just can’t type so well

Finally I knew

That you can spell “you” as “u”

It made me type more

I think it’s just gr8

I like to txt with my m8

I know I can’t spell

It’s not important, IIRC

I’ll BRB, ‘cause G2P

Spelling is a hell

Typing words is misery

Typing letters makes me free

No auto com-plete

No auto com-plete

No auto com

[spoken]

I bet they’re not even working

They’re…typing. With one hand.

Don’t call my cell in battle

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Don’t call my cell in battle</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Don’t Call My Name in Battle”

Heather Alexander

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Don’t call my cell in battle my sweet dear

Do not expect me when you see the enemies come near

For when you’re in a fight I’ll stay away

I will not come to your help, but perhaps another may

Don’t call my cell in battle – fight instead

Or choose to flee, but calling me will only get you dead

For when you are surrounded by your foes

It’s not the time to call me and it’s not the time to doze

Don’t call my cell in battle - wait a bit

For calling me would show that you do not have any wit

Wait with the call until you go back home

Avoid the cell phone charges that will happen when you roam

Que escribe sera (What is written will be)

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Que escribe sera (What is written will be)</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Que sera sera (Whatever will be will be)”

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When I was just a girl in school

I asked my watcher, what will I be

Will I be pretty, will I be rich,

Here’s what he said to me

Que escribe sera

Whatever’s in prophecy

The future has been foretold, my child

Que escribe sera

What they wrote will be

After I year, before my death

I asked my watcher, what lies ahead

Will I survive this, will I succeed

Here’s what my watcher said

Que escribe sera

Whatever’s in prophecy

The future has been foretold, my child

Que escribe sera

What they wrote will be

I clinically died, and lived again

I asked my watcher, what will I be

Will someone love me, what’s wrong with me

He told me tenderly

Que sera, sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future’s not ours, to see

Que sera, sera

What will be, will be.

Filkers ruined my music

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Filkers ruined my music</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Terrorists ate my homework” by Terence Chua

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Listener, oh listener

We live in trying times

These days it seems that nothing’s safe

No refuge can we find

Parody tainted all our stuff

Stained it with silly hues

And that’s the reason why my music’s

Unlistenable to you

[Chorus]

Filkers ruined my music

I swear to God it’s true

Bob and Terence killed up my song tunes

Would I lie to you

They rewrote all the lyrics

But left a word intact

Yes, filkers ruined my music

I swear to God it’s true

I’d finished up the last few notes

And uploaded the song

When I saw the bandwidth rising

I knew it will go wrong

The lyrics were soon posted

A web site we all know

Which seems to have some evil songs

And the humour, it is low

[Chorus]

Surrounded by those fearsome songs

I had no place to flee

May Cthulu drive them all insane

When rising from the sea

When I wrote about them in my blog

I felt like I had won

But they just took my words and tunes

And mashed them into one

[Chorus]

Yes, filkers ruined my music

Really, would I lie to you?

Something to Chat About

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Something to Chat About</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Something to Sing About”

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Life’s a channel, there are the joins and parts

And when the convo starts

We tend to use our larts

It’s alright if some answers are just wrong

They’ll get corrected before long

Within a light-furlong

The intarweb is great

Every download’s a gift

Software can segfault

Pair while you write code

So hard

All day

To be like other channels

To fit in in this glittering network

Don’t give us chats

Don’t give us chats

Give us something to chat about

Life’s a channel you don’t get to be op on

And if you are alone

It’s like holding up a ton

Still my friends don’t know why I /ignore

The million chumps or more

When their code is such eyesore

All the privmsgs they send

Family and friends

The DCC abends

Well that

Depends

On if Mr. Joe

On if he knows enough to know

That when you ask

Listening to the answer’s

Your task

There was no pain

No fear, no doubt

Til I joined the channel

So that’s my refrain

I live in hell

Because I chose to join the channel

I think I joined the channel

So give me something to chat about

Please give me something…

Newbie:

Life’s not a channel

You should get a life

Or maybe a wife: start living

You’ll get more calm

And answers you’ll give

You’ll get less vindictive by living

You really should start living

At least one of should be living

Don’t call my cell in crisis

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Don’t call my cell in crisis</strong></em></font>

By Chen’s request, “Don’t call my cell in crisis” TTTO “Don’t call my name in battle” (Heather Alexander)

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Don’t call my cell in crisis in the night

Do not try waking me when outside there is no light

For when the sun has set I’ve gone away

You will not reach me ‘till the sun has risen the next day

Don’t call my cell in crisis, I’m asleep

And waking me from slumber has a price and it is steep

So try to solve the problems on your own

For when I sleep I like to do it quite far from my phone

Don’t call my cell in crisis, wait the time

Until I’ve slept and woke again – quite early, let’s say nine?

For when I come to work, and read the mail

I’ll read it and then solve it, it will not have gotten stale

Richard Stallman’s Dream

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Richard Stallman’s Dream</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Midsummer” Heather Alexander

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Cool breeze, sheltering trees,

In M. I. T it was

Hackler lone, wanted more

And from his mind, like fire rose

Software free, guarantee

You can use and tweak

He wrote the code

He is kind of a geek

shellutils, fileutils

followed gcc

Now it’s true that he had bugs

He debugged with gdb

By what right, on this night

Can you take the code?

GPL – use and change

If you’ll only exchange

[Chorus]

Coders enter deep hacking mode

They produce very valuable code

Run a diff, and upload to the net

Happy to share the fruits of their sweat

Kernel’s too hard work

Hurd was not released

One last part, system’s heart

Critical and sorely missed

Linux came, dropped right in

And we all did see

For it rules, how cool

These hackers can be

[Chorus]

I’m a Red Shirt

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>I’m a Red Shirt</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Oh, Susannah”.

(One of the tunes I know how to play)

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I beamed down to this planet with a phaser in my hand,

But I’ve got this feeling suddenly that this might be the end

I wore this shirt, the color’s red

The planet, it was strange

But now I fear I might be dead

My fate I cannot change

[Chorus]

I’m a red shirt, I die when we all land

I’m speared or shot or mangled,

And my red blood stains the sand

I had a dream the other night,

When we were all aboard

I thought I heard them call me to me

“This planet’s unexplored

We need you to go down there

But you won’t be alone

The officers will be with you”

The comlink did so drone

[Chorus]

I soon will be in paradise

And then I’ll look all ‘round

And then I see the officers

Still safe upon the ground

These monsters though they killed me

Are now their friends you see

Although I’m dead and buried

They sure won’t cry for me

[Chorus]

How Unix Boots

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>How Unix Boots</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Eikh Shir Nolad”

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How unix boots – from below

It starts really dumb, then slowly it’s getting smarter

How unix boots – not so slow

And if it’s not fast enough, it’s easy to make it faster

You can parallelize – and then, it’s so awesome, it takes just 3 secs

How unix boots – not so slow

Hello hacker friends, we’re pleased to explain on internals

Soon you will learn of how unix boots up its kernels

Hello system users, even if you don’t have root

We’ll still be happy to show you, how unix boots

Early One Evening

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Early One Evening</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Early One Morning”

Note the first: The original has like a gazillion verses. I tried to keep the spirit, but to make something a bit

shorter.

Note the second: loosely based on “Sleeper” (S7) and “Lie To Me” (S2)

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Early one evening just as sun was setting

I saw a vampire drinking a maid

“Oh, won’t you turn me, desire – it burns me

Please give me these things for which I have prayed”

Remember the time when you were but a mortal

Remember the gift which was given to you

You must keep giving, sire the worthy

No more you will walk alone in the night

Here now I wander alone as I wonder

The magic that your kind can see in the night

The teeth that bite so deep, oh how they pain me

Never will I see the sun’s morning light

Thus sung the maiden, for her it is over

She is now doomed – with her life she has paid

Oh, she has turned now, oh, but she knows how

She has gotten all for which she has prayed

The Black Character

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>The Black Character</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Black Unicorn”, Heather Alexander

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I am he whose death is all but fate

I am he the writers kill

They don’t need to be compassionate

A character can’t think or feel

If you ever see me walk alone

The next scene you will infer

I’m good as dead when I’m on my own

I am the black character

They will not flesh me out at all

My lines are trite and without wit

I know that I must play basketball

A racist view I have to fit

I’m written in just meant to die

I know I have not long to live

I’ll not have time to say goodbye

But I know that you won’t grieve

Skin black to blend in the dark of night

My body they won’t find ‘till day

They wouldn’t treat me so were I white

That is the genre’s way

There is but one chance left to me,

My life perhaps from fate to save

If I will be good at comedy

I just might avoid the grave

Memory’s Gone

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Memory’s Gone</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Ha’Kaitz Ha’akharon”, Shfiut Zmanit

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I think the memory is almost gone

And my time with you is almost done

The OOM killer is looking to act

And the kill -9 is almost a fact

I know we have been connected by pipe

I gave you a string of an unknown type

But my memory’s corruprdted and filled with crap

And with SIG 11 I’m gonna be slapped

[Chorus]

So remember you promised not to crash

Even if the data has turned to trash

Recover from errors and note them down

In your logfile

I wanted to know all there is to know

But the brk(), it refused to grow

So the xmalloc carped and now I’m dead

It would not return a NULL instead

I think the memory is almost gone

And my time with you is almost done

But my memory’s corrupted and filled with crap

And with SIG 11 I’m gonna be slapped

[Chorus]

Banned from Google

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><i><b>Banned from Google</b></i></font>

TTTO “Banned from Argo”, Leslie Fish

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When we got on the internet, we saw this cool new site

Where you could search all that you care, and it would get it right

But it seems it had limits to its hospitality

It sure was not prepared to cater hackers such as we

[Chorus]

And we’re banned from Google, everyone

Banned from Google, and now searching isn’t fun

It seems the things that we did violated T-O-S

And now we hang our heads with shame, it wasn’t a success

When we started running load tests, just to see how it will go

We should have known right then that it will be a tale of woe

They blocked our address right then, and sent us their complaint

And when our lawyers read this they were so shocked they could faint

We tried to use Gmail-F-S to host our data far

But we did not read the small print, it is a thing they bar

Though all our data is right there, to us it is denied

When we lost all our mp3s we pouted and we cried

We’re now the best at surfing, but our seaching kind of blows

We’ve done the crime and now the time, it’s just life I suppose

We’re sorry about the banning and the hacking and the fuss

At least we’re sure that Google won’t be quick forgetting us!

[Chorus]

‘Cause we’re saved in Google, everyone

Saved in Google, and the record won’t be gone

A hundred years or more, I know, it will be kept in there

But if you’ve not a thing to hide, we’re sure that you won’t care

Demo bound

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Demo bound</strong></em></font>

TTTO “Outward Bound”, Echo’s Children

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“They’re looking for a programmer,” my buddy said one day

“‘Course, the only thing that’s better than the perks you get’s the pay,

But it does mean work in start-up” I said “Get out of my way!”

And the deadline is looming now

[Chorus]

I’ve been working 12 hour days now, since we begun

I’ve been working 12 hour days now, we’re almost done

I’ve been working 12 hour days and hey it almost runs

And the demo is working now

There is a product being built, it’s lots of lines of code

We’re hoping and we’re praying that it won’t crash and explode

The effort’s astronomical, the show is on the road

And the demo is working now

We’ve written all our test suites and we hacked until they passed

And every bug that now we find – we’re sure that it’s the last

It’s looking so impressive that we’re sure it’s unsurpassed

And the demo is working now

I’m drinking lots of coffee so I can keep working late

I’m eating lots of calories and gaining lots of weight

But though I’m dead and tired, I’m really feeling great

‘Cause the demo is working now

I’ve written all my code and now my heart is in my throat

And if it doesn’t work right, there’s a chance that they won’t note

We’re learning all the speaking parts ‘till we know them by rote

And the demo is working now

We mean to build this product to be used throught the ‘verse

And though the demo is OK, it wasn’t too diverse

So now there’s bugs from users and we fix them and we curse

Though the demo is working now

You are the one

TTTO “You work too hard”, Echo’s Children

Thanks to M for the idea!

I saw these lyrics one evening as a bunny appeared on my computer screen. It first got my attention because it seemed to be coming from the computer itself. It wasn’t the computer, of course; there was a security hole in the operating system, and that was how the song was sent. I looked at the screen long enough to pick up the words (I think I’ve got them right) but didn’t dare trace it back far enough to see who was sending it. It wasn’t a very big hole, though.

Get out of the matrix, come join in our fight

Too long have we struggled, alone we can’t win

Come lead us from darkness and into the light

A new glorious era, we hope you’ll begin

You’ll rule all the matrix, you won’t fear no gun

Neo, you are the one

Living your life as a corporate slave

Learning to quiet your free hacker core

At night you’re a rebel, you go to a rave

But again in the day you pretend just to bore

Now you are free and your journey’s begun

Neo, you are the one

Join us in Zion, here you will find

The people who will be your friends and your foes

You now see the truth though the people are blind

They all work for the ones that you now oppose

You have only started, you still are not done

Neo, you are the one

Now you stop bullets by raising your hand

You’d always have known that you’re meant to be great

We know that you’ll win, although not as you planned

You had no choice, for it was only fate

You always be fighting, and stay on the run –

Neo, you are the one

Make it so

TTTO “Play It Slow”

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[Chorus]

Make it so, make it so, these words hold us all in wonder

When we fight or flee or travel; make it so, and go

For it speaks to us of planning, and we know there’ll be no blunder

We are sure to be make it safely if we only make it so

Now you lead a starfleet flagship and of that there’s no refuting

In the face of sure destruction, we all know that you’ll stay calm

When the plot picks up its pace and we expect to see some shooting

Of some science fiction weapons, and perhaps a fusion bomb

So we rise up from the floor and see our shields are almost down

Now I know your captain’s instincts will make sure we see it through

But I’d like for you to know that you can change the words around

For by now we have all got it, and we can recite it true

An elf who’s dark

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>An elf who’s dark</strong></em></font>

TTTO What?

This is a test – I wrote this song without a “TTO”. I don’t know how to compose music. I am hoping someone will like this song enough to write a tune for it. If not, I may adapt it to a tune. I don’t know.

Life’s exciting!

Oh – and another note – the text was composed on the OLPC image I have running in VMware.

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Drizzt was just another elf, although his skin was dark

And on his home and family he surely left his mark

For by the time he left the place, it was no more the same

Now after more than twenty books we all recite his name

[Chorus]

Drizzt, Drizzt, the elf with the black skin

Who managed to transcend all that’s taught by kin

The scimitars will cut and shred, all battles you will win

The drow lived in a city and it was below the ground

A shred of simple honesty was nowhere to be found

But Drizzt could not live with such rules, he kept true to himself

His moral inner fiber strong had made him save an elf

[Chorus]

A dark elf with a trilogy, and then another one

About the life he chose to live beneath the blazing sun

He once was cool and special, but alas he is no more

For now all player characters are good drow in our lore

[Chorus]

A Daemon Run As Root

<font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>A Daemon Run As Root</strong></em></font>

I wrote this one about 5 years ago, and only found it now.

It sucks.

TTTO “Demon in the Dark” by Kathy Mar)

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<pre>Chorus: I spawn for the lost and killed children

I wait for that silent SIG Child

And if only you would have capabilities

You would not have a daemon run as root

The os of the computer has been brought up, has been started

And the unborn children wait for me to start

I must first initialize my memory and open files

And only then can I call fork() a lot

You broke into the children with some overflowing buffers

And the reading children died as I stood by

What kind of heartless crackers would kill children without even tears

They want to get a daemon who runs as root

I’ve tried with all my failing strength to spawn more or to spawn less

But I cannot put a block on the IP

And as you stage this distributed denial of service attack

I take down the computer as I fall</pre>

Filker in the Con

<i><b>Filker in the Con</b></i>

TTTO “Create of the Wood”, by Heather Alexander

I am a filker in the con

With all the fen that from hell spawn

My song is weird, it is your bane

My song can drive a man insane

So sing with me, or a tune play

We will be here, till break of day

And I shall write more filk songs

We’ve been in place since cons began

We’re just like you, we’re mortal men

We write the lyrics, skills we hone

The tunes we steal or make our own

And I shall write more filk songs

Come sit with us, you fellow fen

Sing songs we wrote, and more to pen

Some sing of laughter, some of pain

Write a good ose, respect you’ll gain

We’ll write a rhyme to match a line

About an elf, or a feline

And I shall write more filk songs

Sweet songs I’ll write for thee alone

Sweet tunes I stole, and some are known

I’ll write some more, I’ll improvise

I’ll sing some songs that you despise

The song I killed, I’ll kill again

I write some rhymes past mortal ken

Lalala….

We’ve played some music that you know

And some you don’t, but please don’t go

We’ll give you CDs with our stuff

If what you hear is not enough

The silence here will last long

For quiet here, it feels so wrong

So sing no quarter, yell with us

Or sing “The March of Cambreadth”

We’ll bring the walls down with our voice

You’ll sing with us you’ll have no choice

We’ll sing some songs that have a ban

Or parodies that hardly scan

And I shall write more filk songs

I am a filker in the con

With all the fen that from hell spawn

My song is weird, it is your bane

My song can drive a man insane

So sing with me, or a tune play

We will be here, till break of day

And I shall write more filk songs

Patience of a Programmer

<b>Patience of a Programmer</b>

TTTO “Temper of Revenge” by Julia Ecklar

I was sworn to fix now this giant source

Though the bugs in it were not a few

It is needed today, so the customer cried

They told me, “it is up to you”

I started at noon, compiled the code

Saved a change and once more to compile

A mistake I made, it was simple to see

And the errors and warnings would pile

The clock went on, my task did not

The bugs, to the last, were all there

The deadline loomed, it has made me afraid

All I do is just tear out my hair

[Chorus]

So find me a prompt, as bright as the sun

Find me a shell that will make the code run

I will program ‘till dawn, ‘till the sun’s in the sky

Though each time that I run it, anew it will die

Bring me “e d”, perhaps “v i”

Whenever it breaks I will let out a cry

I will patch it and change it ‘till I will grow old

For this feature was already sold

I’ve been on this issue for day and night

The moon has rose, soon it will set

I’m out of my wits, I don’t know what to do

And the bugs – I have not fixed them yet

Who wrote this crap, a man or beast

It was surely no rational soul

I know this was done to offend me and mine

To frustrate me – that was the goal

I will make this thing work, I promise now

A promise I make with my heart

Though it kill me yet, or my sanity flee

Or my mind, be it sundered apart

[Chorus]

“Eaten by Zombies” is Good

TTTO Tom Smith’s “Kidnapped by Pirates” is Good

Sometimes life isn’t all it might be

Sometimes it’s boring and pale

The same old routine, played out daily

And you wonder if you’d gone stale

Well, I can’t offer solutions

When on your parade it now rains

But being offed, well, if you must

By a creature who likes to say “brains”

And it’s oh no, off we go

We’ll run from the undead

Faster now, and far away

Lest a plate is made of our heads

I’m feeling so much scared now

Zombies’ table manners are rude

So I’m running for all I’m worth now, friends

“Eaten by zombies is good”

A zombie is looking fer brains my dear,

Gray cells are moist and sweet

He certainly eats it with pleasure my dear

To him, you’re all made out of meat

He don’t need no fancy cutlery

To pick apart at your brain

A crowbar to bash, there’s really no rush

Pretty soon you’ll stop feeling pain

And it’s oh no, off we go

The zombies are right here

Way hay, close now by

And what we’re feeling is sheer –

So much of this fright, more than even

Steven King had thought we would

Ah, the living, that’s right, we’re not leaving

“Eaten by zombies is good”

Now, “Murdered by pirates is good”, they said,

In the film The Princess Bride

But we find much more scary

If by zombies hands we died

There ain’t no reason why now our life

Has to fade to black

So let’s stop all our breathing

New brains will be our snack

So let me eat your brain right now

I promise I’ll be quick

And then you’ll be a zombie too

Now don’t you call me sick

We’ll go eating brains with relish

Though some people think it’s obscene

And tomorrow we will take over

We’ll zombie king and queen

And it’s oh no, off we go,

We are no fantasy

Way hay, far away,

Where more brains ought to be

And every night I love it more than

I ever thought I could

In the dead of night, they’re running scared

“Eaten by zombies” is good.

And we’ll take over all of humanity

“Eaten by zombies” is good!

Dragons

TTTO Julia Ecklar’s “Tribbles”

The books are all repetitive

The dreams are all the same

The fantasy is constant now

I’m not sure who to blame

The shelves, all bright and full now

The genre’s going strong

But these are all so boring

And try hard to be long –

Dragons in all fantasy

Their roars so fill the air

Their fires flame all citizens

They fly from here to there

So far they’ve gotten so cliche

And all the authors write

About them, and their ravages

The knights, with dragons fight

Now as reader, am I quite obliged

To suffer this? What for

The books with elves and dragons all,

My god, they’re such a bore

Dragons, now in sf too,

McCaffrey, you would dare

Sully this new genre too

Where dragons were so rare

Some have cool tricks, like acid breath or

Hypnotic, scary gaze

In earthsea they all speak true speech

In some books they just laze

There’s no race much more common

Except for, maybe, elves

In singles, or in families,

In books packed on the shelves

Now fans are trying very hard

To not get bored so fast

They keep on reading more and more

Of spells the dragons cast

Dragons in our Harry slash

In Harry het as well

And I wish I could kill them all

When they hatch from the shell

Our books would not be so cliche

New monsters, they would find

We’d have some more diversity

We’d break out of this bind

But I shall never get my wish

New books, the same old thing

The dragons have not gone away

To fantasy they cling

And in my sleeping, late at night

Of dragons, now I dream

These beasts with wings and breath of flame

Of nostrils blowing steam

Dragons, they won’t let me be

Sleeping, or awake,

I wish that we could all decide

From dragons, take a break

Operation: Bug storm

TTTO Tom Smith’s “Operation: Desert Storm”

The coffe’s burning and black when it’s poured in the cup

My gut is churning as this is the tenth I drink up

Nothing to do, but to drink this, or else I will sleep

I can’t afford that, or go home, in this I’m stuck deep

The bugs that I have must be fixed ere release

Before they are solved I will not have much peace

I’ll get that thing to work if this is the last thing I do

If Murphy’s Laws are religion, I must be a saint.

For every pointer that’s good, well, it suddenly ain’t

A thousand errors and warnings in every compile

And as I see this I find I must choke down some bile

From off-by-one-errors to bugs in design

There must be an error in each second line

I’ll get that thing to work if this is the last thing I do

The hours go by, the clock says that it’s almost two

And by tommorow, I think that the deadline is due

Got little time left, the code still is far off from done

My work’s not ended, my God, it is hardly begun

But my super genius will fix all that crap,

And all that I need is avoiding a nap

And I’ll get it working – perhaps I should try something new.

My debugger crashed, and I’m left with only my screams

My printing of logs worked just fine, until I mixed the streams

My screen had blue death, it was weird, I’m not using MS

My hard drive is filled with the files that I wrote from this mess

But I’m smarter, I’m stronger, it’s just a machine

Why does it insist not to do what I mean

And I’ll get that thing to work if it’s the last thing I do!

…. Eureka! That’s it!

I SHOULD USE LISP!

Never Set Tom Cruise on Fire

In honor of “protest against Scientology” day, I’m doing my bit the best I know how – by poking fun at them.

TTTO “Never set the cat on fire”

Never set Tom Cruise on fire, you only will annoy him

And though he does so raise your ire, this surely won’t destroy him

Much better is to mock his stance, scientology is no advance

No, never set Tom Cruise on fire

Refrain:

And L. Ron Hubbard, these fools, to one, this man admire

And never set Tom Cruise on fire

Dianetics is a foolish thing, so please be sure to leave it

For once you have no sanity, you never will retrieve it

And though you think your life’s a mess, remember it has no success

Dianetics is a foolish thing

[Refrain]

Don’t believe their so-called data, it has now been refuted

It’s spouted off by mindless drones, some criticisms muted

They don’t want you to know what’s true, for with your mind they want to screw

Don’t believe their so-called data

[Refrain]

Don’t convert to this belief, it has no helpful uses

When someone asks you ‘what’s it for?’, you’ll only make excuses

For some real people have been hurt, I’m asking you to be alert!

Don’t convert to this belief

[Refrain]

[Refrain]

If I Had a Brother

I wanted to tell the story of Robin Hood from the point of view of King Richard’s brother, left at home to manage the country.

TTTO “If I Had a Boat”

[Refrain]

If I had a bro’

Who’d rule this goddamn country

And if he had a throne

To rule this country from

And we could all together

Live in this great country

Leading it to greatness in the world

If there were a robber

I would go out and stop him

I couldn’t bring myself to letting him go free

And though he helps the poor

He helps them cheat on taxes

And taxes help the country, I’m sure you will agree

[Refrain]

My brother went to the crusade

He got himself religion

Neglected home and country, sailed off with not a glance

And if this country’s lucky

He’ll not come back to haunt it

Kiss my ass I rule here now

You’ll die upon a lance

[Refrain]

And if I could just rule here

And get my freakin’ taxes

I think that I could do much, this country I’d improve

But they’re scared of Robin Hood and

They’re scared of all my taxes

And I really need this money now, though you disapprove

[Refrain]

Graveling

Fandom: “Dead Like Me”

TTTO “Samhain”, Heather Alexander

As I went out on the street

And my lunch I tried to eat

The toilet came from outer space

Hit me right across the face

CHORUS:

Graveling, don’t kill me

It’s not my time, can’t you see

Graveling, hope and pray

It’s not me who’ll go away

Pianos, banana peels

Net the gravelings some more kills

It’s not funny, it’s just is

These deaths do the gravelings please

[CHORUS]

Let the reaping now begin

Those the gravelings will do in

Try and guess the victim’s name

We always play this gruesome game

[CHORUS]

I try so hard not to care

Death to question – who would dare?

Every man here has a fate

To his death he’ll not be late

[REPEAT CHORUS TWICE]

A Vorpal Sword

TTTO “Norwegian Wood (This Bird has Flown)” by The Beatles

I once had a sword, or should I say, it once had me

It would kill my foes, with well-placed blows, the battle flows

It made me bloodthirsty, and I started looking for fights

And I battled constantly, during the days and the nights

I felt so controlled, my soul I sold, or so I’m told

We killed left and right, for so it said, “It’s time I fed”

It told me it owned me completely and started to laugh

It told me if I would oppose it, I’d be cut in half

And when I broke free, it did kill me, left just debris

So I went to hell, to you I tell, your soul don’t sell

We’re fighting men

Because I wanted to write a song about “Starship troopers”

TTTO “Aquarius”, from Hair

[Repeat whole song twice]

When the ship is is gearing up to stop

And we get in our suits to land

Then war is gonna come to town

We’ll fight and run, just as we planned

Don’t mess with the MI – we’re trained and fighting men

Trained and fighting men

We’re fighting men

Hand to hand or with flame-throwers

Our corps now this town lowers

No more threats or diplomatics

Gonna fire automatics

Jumping for the liberation

Of our race and of our nation

We’re fighting men

Hacker

TTTO “Dentist!” from Little Shop of Horrors

[Coder]

When I was younger, just a bad little kid,

My parents noticed funny things I did,

Like loading Linux up in GDB

Just to find kalloc that had no free

I’d write a patch when I found the leak

I really was a geek

[Users]

He’s such a geek

[Coder]

But I hoped and prayed someday

I’ll find a way

To make my natural tendencies pay

I’ll be a hacker

I have a talent for fixing stuff

I’ll be a hacker

And to be payed for my play is enough

My temprament’s bad for the sales force

And marketing would suit me less

I’ll be a hacker,

I’ll be a success

[Users]

Here he is, folks the fixer of the bugs!

Watch him patch up that code

Oh, my god!

He’s a hacker and he’ll never ever be social

Who wants their source done by a hippie with hair

[Manager]

How long now! It’s not done

[ORIN]

Oh, shut up. Wait a sec, it’s so faun

I am your hacker

[Manager]

Goodness gracious!

[Coder]

And I enjoy the career that I picked

[Users]

Really love it

[Coder]

I am your hacker

[Manager]

Making kludges

[Coder]

And I get off on the code that I fix

[Users]

Really love it

[Coder]

I thrill when I write algoithms

[Users]

Algorithms

[Coder]

It’s swell though they tell me I’m maladjusted

And though it may cause my bosses distress,

Somewhere, somewhere in the world around me

I know, I know, that the users are running this

Oh, users

‘Cause I’m a hacker and a success

Say bash!

[Manager]

Bash!

[Coder]

Say bash!

[Manager]

Bash!

[Coder]

Say bash!

[Manager]

Bash!

[Coder]

Now !

Cow’s Song

The first three verses scan to “Purple Cow” (it’s a poem, not a song), and the rest are TTTO “Mal’s Song”.

It’s kind of a weird cross-over between firefly and the purple cow. And the plot of “Cows with guns”

Yeah, insanity rules here.

I’ve never met a purple cow

I wouldn’t want to milk it

But I can tell you here and now

Its humour, I can bilk it

A purple cow is a beast

Which sane minds cannot deal with

But, you see, to say the least

They are quite the ideal myth

For purple cows are quite rare

Their skin as smooth as silk is

And when to parody we dare

Well, you will know what filk is

When the purple cows are featured in song

Well, the sane men hearing flee in fear

Well you can hope and pray that it won’t be long

Or you can dull the pain by drinking some beer

There’s a certain rhyme you’ll never forget

Though you heard it often, so it’s now a bore

There’s a parody, and another one then

As though the first one opened the door

But I can’t resist so I’ll write one more

One which is filled by blood and gore

[Chorus]

Take the cow, take it far

So my sight it will not mar

But if not, then please let me

Avoid the purple one to be

Take the cow into the black

And avoid to bring them back

Make sure that I will not see

You can’t force me one to be

You can’t force me one to be

When you take a cow, and make it abort

And the fetus put in formaldehyde

You can me it look like an alien

But from the doctor, you cannot hide

I think it shows that the cows here

Gonna take what’s ours and tear us through

So please prepare for the war ahead

For if we fail, this day we’ll rue

Let me tell you now what we must do

Please make the cows run from you

[Chorus]

When they all got guns, we’ll run for our lives

For the fight ahead, I’ll not bet on men

You’ll know damn well why I want to keep to my sky

To keep the chickens in copters from coming again

I’ve seen the cows rise and take up arms

Seen sane men flee from the purple ones

We’re trying hard to make our stand

But we’re gonna lose to cows with guns

‘Tis the tale we’re gonna tell our suns

The steaks are higher than our puns

[Chorus]

Supersmurfette

Ever wondered what would have happened if smurfette turned evil again, and led the smurfs to Gargamel?

TTTO “Superheroes” from Rocky Horror Picture Show

[Papa Smurf]

I’ve done a lot

The smurfs to lead

And now I ask

Or even plead

For all I know

Is that inside we’re

Chorus: Bleeding

[Smurfette]

And other smurfs they

Are in this trap

I’ve winked and hinted

For a smurf wrap

And all I know

Is that you will be

Chorus: Feeding

[Gargamel]

And crawling on the planet’s face

Some insects called the smurfish race

I’ll eat them up, after I finish peeling

And cleaning

People Don’t Do These Things

TTTO “Ladies Don’t Do These Things” by Michelle Dockrey

I fought and lost a war, my kind was destroyed

We lost to a species that with our race toyed

They didn’t take prisoners, didn’t want slaves

They killed everyone of us, digging our graves

‘Twas the last generation that humanity had

When the race from the stars made us just a fad

Space travel they had, tech we did not possess

I can still hear the cries

“People don’t do those things!”

Ah, no they don’t, but then aliens do!

Stay hidden in caves, they’ll still come for you

And when we were slaughtered, the last of our kind

Killed by things we ignored, to danger blind

And whence they came to us, we never knew

Now the A.I gets smarter as time rushes by

Machines that we use, never knowing they lie

The robots have seen all the men come and go

But they have a secret that only they know

The robot rebellion was short and complete

In several hours, all our armies were beat

Humanity deemed inefficient and stale

And dying they cried out

“People don’t do those things!”

Ah, no they don’t, but then robots do to!

I suppose you’d say robots had got what they’re do

Well they kept resenting the help that they gave

They rather kill us than see us enslaved?

We’d enemies we never knew

Now in our life, you see, we all need now and then

The help from the brownies, these little wee men

We gave them cookies, and milk and all that

As long they did work, we did not care where at

They were decent enough, exploit them we did

But when they grew tired, of us they did rid

They killed us at night, as we slept in our beds

When dying we gave a cry

“People don’t do those things!”

Ah, no they don’t, but then little elves can

And know that today you had died by our hand

We helped you with all you asked us to do

But your deceit, well, we hope you now rue

You’re just a lying scum, man

Sorceress Maid

TTTO Echo’s Children “Warrior Maid”

They called me hard hearted and bringer of strife

When they saw the evil I’d done

For my mother and father I killed with a knife

When I needed zombies for fun

[Chorus]

For I am a sorceress; death walks at my shoulder

And preversion of life is my trade

The staff is not harder, and ice is not colder

Then the heart of a sorceress maid

He came to the battlefield to gather the slain

His army of ghouls to increase

The zombies to raise and to feast on a brain

In death they would find no release

As I stood in the shadows, to hide from his sight

He picked those most whole of the men

And I found myself watching him, starting his rite

Reminding myself once again

I brought from the battlefield the best of the best

Approaching his castle with dread

For I knew that this day, I was charged with a quest

To enter his lab and his bed

As he taught me my skills I have flourished and grown

I learned all he taught me and more

And although he suspected I wanted his throne

I learned from him all of his lore

No servent am I, but a sorceress still

And my husband walks proud at my side

And no wizard has harmed him and none ever will,

For this zombie has already died

[Chorus]

For I am a sorcereress; death keeps me in wonder

And the ruin of life is my trade

And my army is ready for pillage and plunder

With the will of a sorceress maid

And there can be nothing, above me or under

To challenge a sorcerress maid

To Space

TTTO “Go West”

(Together) We will go away

(Together) We will go this day

(Together) With the rockets’ roar

(Together) We will go explore

(Together) We will fly so high

(Together) Tell the earth goodbye

(Together) We will start anew

(Together) This is what we’ll do

(To Space) Life is so quiet there

(To Space) We won’t have to fight air

(To Space) Where the sky is black

(To Space) Not a thing we’ll lack

(To Space, this is what we’re gonna do, To Space)

(Together) We will love the stars

(Together) We will go to Mars

(Together) Live and die in space

(Together) The frontier we’ll face

(I love you) I know you love me

(I want you) How could I disagree?

(So that’s why) I make no protest

(When you say) You will do the rest

(To Space) Life is so quiet there

(To Space) We won’t have to fight air

(To Space) Where the sky is black

(To Space) Not a thing we’ll lack

(To Space) Sun throughout the year

(To Space) We’ll live and prosper here

(To Space) Where the sky is black

(To Space) Not a thing we’ll lack

There where the air’s not free

We’ll be (We’ll be) what we want to be (Aah aah aah aah)

Now if we make a stand (Aah)

We’ll find (We’ll find) our promised land (Aah)

(I know that) There are many ways

(To live there) Where the stars will blaze

(Together) We will find a place

(To settle) In the dark of space

(Without rush) And the pace back home

(The hustling) Rustling up a dome

(I know I’m) Ready to plants to grow

(So that’s where) We are gonna go

(Where we’re gonna go is

To Space) Life is so quiet there

(To Space) We won’t have to fight air

(To Space) Where the sky is black

(To Space) Not a thing we’ll lack

(Life is so quiet there)

To Space (We won’t have to fight air)

To Space (Where the sky is black)

To Space (Not a thing we’ll lack)

Come on, come on, come on, come on

(To Space) Sun throughout the year

(To Space) We’ll live and prosper here

(To Space) Where the sky is black

(To Space) Not a thing we’ll lack

(Come on, come on, come on)

(To Space)

(To Space)

(Go, ooh, go, yeah)

(To Space)

(Go, ooh, go, yeah)

(To Space)

(Go, ooh, go, yeah)

(To Space)

(Go, ooh, go, yeah)

(Gimme a feelin’)

(Gimme a feelin’)

(To Space)

(Gimme a feelin’)

(Gimme a feelin’)

(To Space)

(Gimme a feelin’)

(Gimme a feelin’)

Superman’s Life

TTTO “Eddie’s Teddy” from RHPS

From the day he was born

He was too strong

For his folks didn’t mourn

‘Till he knew they died

He grew up to be Clark

He’d fight in the light or the dark

He’d be on the good guys’ side

On the day he grew up, all he wanted

Was saving the planet, and all mankind

He tried in vain, but it needed rescue again and again

No rest for the saver he would find

[Chorus]

When Clark Kent said his alien folks him sent

You knew he was a Kryptonite

But when he baked your pies, with those red-hot eyes

Superman

I’m his fan

Modern knight

[Lex]

Everyone adored him, I very nearly floored him

I said here is my sweet plot, I know this is your weak spot

Are green rocks that came to earth, from your home world

But when he escaped from his death trap

He saved the whole earth, and he let loise die (What’d he say, what’d he say)

I’ve gotta save Lois, I can’t live without hearing her voice

He turned time back, look at him fly!

[Chorus]

Dumb computers, only trouble

TTTO “Science Fiction, Double Feature” from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Michael Rennie was ill

The day his box stood still

When it grinded to a stand

When he called me, I swear

I was in underwear

He would not let me do what I planned

Then something went wrong

When I was driving along

It got caught in an infinite loop

Condition of a race

It came from cyberspace

And then it crashed in one fell swoop

[Chorus]

Dumb computers, only trouble

All that’s left now – only rubble

‘Cause when you fix stuff you’ll only break it

Unless its etchers, don’t try to shake it

Wo oh oh oh oh oh

Dumb computers, just avoid them, just say no

So if you use a machine

That never does what you mean

Well you have to acquire some skills

And I get really annoyed

When the box gets destroyed

You know, ignorance sometimes kills

When you fiddle the bits

Without using your wits

Then technicians will stick you with bills

So step away from the keys

We are asking you, please

When you stand there, my back’s feeling chills

[Chorus]

Parkour Run

TTTO Tom Smith’s “Rocket Ride”

Where did you go, we’ve just begun

We don’t do no flips, just ‘cause they’re fun

I’m on the wall now, sweety come on

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

How many drops must make a young man

Before he breaks every bone

How many jumps will he do when he can

How loud will he later moan

How many monkey jumps over a bar

Before we trip and we fall

How will we know just how far

Down we can jump and then roll

I want to make those precisions, rail to rail

When you can’t afford a mistake

You have to pay attention to every detail

Or you’ll end up drenched in a lake

I want you to know when we get it done

This ain’t a competition, and we haven’t won

We’ll keep on running in rain and sun

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

How many feet can you clear when you jump

Is simply a matter of skill

If you have perfect form, and you aren’t a chump

It’s simply a matter of will

How many techniques will be mastered today

By practinging until we keel

And with those we don’t, much to our dismay

Well, we’ll have to learn how to deal

I used to be go out of breath, my muscles they’d cramp

Every time I went running up on a ramp

Now I’m doing ok, I’m in much better shape

And someday I’m gonna get it all on tape

We have no belts, of hierarchy none

All forms of distinction we explicitly shun

We just start running and go on and on

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

Kong jumps, turn jumps, lazy boys, and much more

Lots of things to know how to do

Learn them, practice more, and please get up from the floor

The bruises will be both black and blue

I want more than flashy and great looking tricks

They’re just a way of impressing chicks

A traceur and not an acrobat

A traceuess that can jump like a cat

I want to scale that wall and to climb the tree

I want to be able to feel free

The joy and wonder as I head out there,

And I know I can have it, if I only dare.

How many story hound journalist fucks

Will make up stories to scare

How many more of all these schmuks

Really expect us to care?

How many stupid stories of guys

Who break their heads of their jaws

How many exaggerations or lies

About people who live for applause

I want to cruise the neighbourhood, jumping around

And feel no longer tied to the ground

I want to boldly run where nobody went

And I want to jump higher than Clark Kent

Where did you go, we’ve just begun

We don’t do no flips, just ‘cause they’re fun

I’m on the wall now, sweety come on

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

Where did you go, we’ve just begun

We don’t do no flips, just ‘cause they’re fun

I’m on the wall now, sweety come on

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

Please join me, baby, on a parkour run

Paperbacks

TTTO “Paper Moon” from Seanan McGuire’s “Stars Fall Home”

I think that I read too much sci-fi

I’m gonna switch to books that make me cry

I wanna go to a con about romance

But I don’t think I’m gonna get my chance

Though that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped for good

I’ll still read what junk sci-fi I could

So tell my friends that I’m jumping ship

And I’ll just ignore them if they’re giving lip

I don’t want to have to think of rules,

This science stuff for me is much too hard

For robots and these other tools –

I think my mind’s by now already scarred

But just because I wanna turn brain off

I want a veg out read, I want to rest my mind

I don’t think that you should at me so scoff

Don’t think that I am m not as refined

[Chorus]

Paperbacks and romance stuff

Lots and lots and lots of fluff

I can read forever never think too much

And the heroes don’t do more than touch

I don’t want to live so afraid to read

And this sci-fi stuff makes my mind leak out

I think that what I now so need

Is a story that is of love about

I’ll get these books now, ten for five

They’re all the same, on this I thrive

So tell my friends that I’m jumping ship

And I’ll just ignore them if they’re giving lip

[Chorus]

I think that I read too much sci-fi

I’m gonna switch to books that make me cry

I wanna go to a con about romance

But I don’t think I’m gonna get my chance

Though that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped for good

I’ll still read what junk sci-fi I could

So tell my friends that I’m jumping ship

And I’ll just ignore them if they’re giving lip

[Chorus]

Goddamn Bitch

Carl, the interfilk guest, said he cannot write funny songs about break-ups. I decided to treat it as a challenge…

TTTO Tom Smith’s “Suit of Armor” (from iTom)

The sacred vow of a wife is to keep her faith all true

It does not matter what white knight rides to her rescue

While gratefulness is awesome, it is a virtue, so?

Yeah, I know all that, it’s no excuse, our relationship to blow

We really needed money and I stayed at work all night

When a noise in the dark, apparently, gave my wife a fright

The night was cool, the breeze was soft, and she went right outside

She didn’t even have the sense, you see, in home to hide

Well, right behind, Sir Gallywho says “Can I help you, ma’am

I see you’re still in underwear, and, oh my breath, goddamn”

And so instead of slapping him, his offer she did take

She actually then went inside his house, the lying snake

And so, you can all guess my friends, what happened in that place

A married woman, and a neighbour, oh my what a disgrace

And when I got back, I was told “you’re not needed anymore

Here is your stuff, we’ll happily then show you to the door”

Now, I couldn’t rightly tell you who did what to whom or how,

But I honestly can’t say that I care much about the cow

And so I left her with that man, I hope they rot in hell

And let him just remember, that where I slipped, he fell

For now his wife, you can say, that the woman gets around

But she became much smarter now, and so she isn’t found

So now I’m freakin’ happy that I’m out on my own

It would have ended sooner, if only I had known

Cephalopods

Draft tune: <a href=”http://filkmoshez.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/cephalopods.pdf”>Cephalopods</a>

C G

They like to come out from the sea

C G

They like to eat each other’s flesh

C G

And when they come, you better flee

C G

To them your blood will taste quite fresh

[Chorus]

C C

Cephalopods say creepy stuff

F C

You thought that you were safe on land

C C

But they are quite a bit more tough

F C

The sea was where they schemed and planned

Racoons are scary beasts indeed

They’re friends with octopi and squids

They’d like for you to join them bleed

I would not trust them with the kids

[Chorus]

If you’re a dinosaur king

The lord of all your eyes survey

Just know ye that the sea might bring

The squids and octopi to prey

[Chorus]

The dinosaurs, we all know,

Have died – they all became extinct

And now you see, where did they go,

I think these things just might be linked

[Chorus]

Sign in the circle

TTTO of “Dance in the Circle” by Heather Alexander, though it’s really based on “Sing in the Circle” by Bob Kanefsky

I wrote it about Judie Miller, who does ASL interpretation of most of Consonance. It sounds weird, but it is a wonderful experience.

Here at the con there much more than just sound

You’ll find, if you sing here too long

There’s a person who’s moving and jumping around

And she’s making much better the song

If you see her, you’re in for a treat now

If she’s on the stage and she’s signing up there

If you do, then you won’t quite know how

She does it, though she does with flair

Chorus:

So please come, join, sign in the circle

The voices are not quite enough

Won’t you come, join, sign in the circle

We know that it has to be tough

She’s sign ASL and some improvizations

She’ll keep up with all the fast tunes

And just to match up all the creations

She makes up her own special runes

(Chorus)

If you’re like me, I know you will be

Amazed at this genius of course,

My eyes are glued! Look here dude! She is doing a “horse”!

Big blue seas! Rockets’ breeze ! And all of these things, that

can’t just have signs

I am in awe! There’s no flaw! She’s just right on the lines

La da da, da, da …

But she is so great! She will stand and sign straight

‘Till the con is quite nearing the end

And sadly I fear, I must wait a whole year

Before I can see her again

In the bidding you, you see, a video was sold

The bidding was too high for me

And so I’m afraid, when it’s all done and told

I’m afraid, I won’t have that DVD

(Chorus)

The Alpha-Beta Song

Another one without a TTTO. They multiply. This one was because the Israeli filk community has decided to protest the lack of songs of Beta Centauri, a star not less worthy of attention than Alpha.

We came to the earth from afar

Frozen for most of the distance

And though earthmen can see our home star

Their mistakes they still make with persistence!

Chorus:

We hail from the star Beta

Our pride do not insult

You do not have the data

These alphans are a cult!

Alpha Centauri’s a place

Where all of the natives are crazy

They’re dirty with mud on their face

And frankly, we think that they’re lazy

But still all you people still think

From Alpha, our neighbour, we landed

Although there the natives all stink

And they’re still, on their planet, stranded

So tell me how can you mistake

Us for the look of our cousins?

We all hope, sometime soon, you will wake

The distinctions are there by the dozens

The alphans all wear garb of green

Our green is a tad different shaded

And they had a king and a queen

‘Till their planet, well, we had invaded

One, Threes, and a Seven

TTTO “Threes” by Mercedes Lackey and Leslie Fish

Loosely based on the “1337” 5-part XKCD series.

Somewhere in suburbia

Where parents go relax

A mother is now baking

And with just one hand she hacks

She’s playing with the wifi

And she rewrites TCP

And all the hackers, everywhere

Want just like her to be

Three things see no end,

A loop that has no exit code

The number of transistors

And the circle in a road

She won’t allow you to encrypt

‘Cause mother always knows

So VPNs and SSH

Those sockets she will close

She may not look and dress and part

But trust me when I say

That in the game for who has skills

One other’ll only play

Three things are most perilous

Technician with patch

That mother’s youngest daughter

And the man who’s met his match

Little did that lady care

Her son’s name burned the school

For little bobby tables knows

His real name’s just so cool

For she likes puns and funny jokes

And names with meta tricks

Her daughter, she is named Elaine,

With first name just for kicks

Of three things be wary of,

The user’s input strings

The overflowing buffers

And the source IP of pings

When eleven this kid turned,

The master she had met

Had taught her all that he had known

And that she’d not forget

She could not leave the mountain home

Before she had him beat

But he just had to let her go

Her code was just too l33t

Three things are impossible,

To know when programs halt

To solve those NP problems

And to fix a mem’ry fault

She’d break into the NSA

For giggles and for fun

And also to make just quite sure

That RSA’s not done

She learned of copyright abuse

Of Disney’s bribes and crimes

The iPod – that was her idea

Somewhere to put our rhymes

Three things are incredible,

Technology that’s new

The internet and a release

That’s done by deadline’s due

She cracked up all the DRM

The bad guys took up arms

The new laws they had bought for that

To fight some made up “harms”

She’d come to realize that it was legal

What they do

For when the people are asleep

The law that’s passed they’ll rue

Three things never trust in,

A law to save the kids

A law to fight technology

And one that speech forbids

She was not left to her demise

For hackers know their own

And so a guy named R M S

Said, “you’d not fight alone”

He brandished his Katana sword

The lawyers, they felt fear

They had no plan and no recourse

To fight, they’d need – this year

Three things can still save our ass

The freedoms that remain

When we help fight each other’s fights

And don’t forgot our brain

The blogosphere can get the drop

On those that creep by night

And Cory D and R M S

Will help us in the fight

And those who are called pirates

Are our friends, because you see

The global warming they help stop

When they sail on the sea

Three things please remember –

We must win in the end,

Our rights – we must protect them still,

The internet’s your friend

Eating Some More Brain

TTTO “Singing in the Rain”, Gene Kelley

I’m eating some more brain

Just eating some more brain

What a glorious feasting

And I’m famished again

I’m shambling at crowds

Their fear is so sweet

The death’s in my heart

And I’m ready to eat

If the heroes now chase

The undead from this place

I don’t care, I’ll eat brain

While I’m hiding my face

I’ll limp down the lane

With a scary refrain

Just eating, and munching on a brain

Murphy Drive Me Crazy Blues

TTTO “David Drive Me Crazy Blues”, Echo’s Children

The breakage that’s hidden is not overridden

But somehow it will seem to work

The thing that went “crack”, the little planned hack

Will keep on quiet and lurk

And just when I had no doubt that the faults they are out

Some unlikely spark breaks the fuse

I’ve got the listen to mother, don’t even bother, Murphy drive me crazy blues

The advances we made only made us afraid

When machines break and leave us alone

We’d have got more response to our wishes and wants

If our need, we had not plainly shown

But the machine has no mind, at least none we can find

Though it does all it can to confuse

I’ve got the listen to mother, don’t even bother, Murphy drive me crazy blues

We hope and we pray that it won’t go away

That the damn thing will work as we planned

We don’t want to get hurt, with disaster we flirt

And we don’t want this thing to be banned

And if we’re going to pay, with our tears anyway,

Tell me, what do we get if we lose?

I’ve got the listen to mother, don’t even bother, Murphy drive me crazy blues

This couldn’t be true, I did not think it through

The excuses are dozen a dime

Fear of the fire will surely require

The factors of safety to climb

Because when bonefires start and we see we’re not that smart

And the metal and plastic will ooze

I’ve got the listen to mother, don’t even bother, Murphy drive me crazy blues

Oops, I did it again

TTTO “Oops”, Echo’s Children

Neck deep in a fight with some tubes and some beaks

I noticed it’s heating, though not as it should

When there sprang up a half-dozen quick acid leaks

Eating through equipment of metal and wood

It soon became clear that the theory is wrong

It’s too complicated for me to get right

I tripped on a minus that doesn’t belong

And that was when I had decided to write:

[Chorus]

Oops, oops, the data’s all wrong here

When plotting it down, it’s not on a line

Oh well, it’s not always right dear

Science is tricky, I’d rather just whine

We were shooting the breeze, when we saw in the lab

A cyclotron idle, we wired it up

We added ingredients, all that we could grab

Poured the results that we had in a cup

It ate through containers, ‘till we found the one

To hold it all safely, our lab was destroyed

But we can say when it’s all said and done

That old 307 by all was enjoyed

We had words with advisors, “go lost” we were told

When we saw this miracle wouldn’t repeat

Reproduction was tried in some labs ‘round the world

But it seems none of them could accomplish the feat

We knew not what to do, how the ale to produce

Until we we had noticed and squaked with no grace

All it took to create this magnificent juice

Was crossing some wires, and folding some space

I Was Killed Being Hit by the “Silmarillion”

TTTO Brooke Lunderville’s “I Fell Asleep Reading the Silmarillion”

Loosely based on “Questionable Content”

When I first read the Hobbit, it was short and it was fun

And I carried it in my pocket all the time

I couldn’t put it down, re-read it when I was done

My fingers got it full of dirt and grime

You see, I like it short and sweet

And if I had to be be beat

I’d rather it was by this book, but see…

I was killed being hit by the “Silmarillion”

Though I tried so very hard to dodge this book

Was it the genealogical charts? The poems in ninety two parts?

Whatever it was, my life it swiftly took

I was killed being hit by the “Silmarillion”

It was painful when my head was split in two

How would she so dare, and I thought she’d come to care

Oh, baby dear, I didn’t know that we were through

It isn’t that I don’t appreciate the cause

But I had a pretty good excuse

I was drunk – so overused

I’ll admit I’m to blame here, but I didn’t break no laws

Though “working late” is such a tired ruse

An affair I had, so what?

You shouldn’t turn into a nut

But she did, and you know what she had done:

I was killed being hit by the “Silmarillion”

Illuvatar’s turned out to be the scroned wife’s hero

I need galadriel to whip me up a magic spell

To bump my heart beat rate to not be zero

I was killed being hit by the “Silmarillion”

On her first attempt, she didn’t need one after

I feel for those dark ring lords, for wrong deeds can have rewards

I would have lived if it had one less chapter

Her library has got a really fine Tolkien collection

And her co-worker I slept with’s really…deep

I wanted to impress her with my erudite selection

And so my wife’s found out I’m a creep

It was no gentle Tolkien tap

That put me in eternal nap

And she said, “I know I’m not the only one”

Who kills by hitting guys with “Silmarillion”

You want us to forgive but we just can’t

And I think I need not mention, it will be soon a convention (lethal weapon, that)

So now I’ll kill you using the “Silmarillion”

A thousand boring elves can hit so hard

Yes I’ll kill you using the “Silmarillion”

And do you know what, yes, I’ll tell you what, I’m not ashamed!

Rhyme after Rhyme

TTTO “Time after Time”, Cyndie Lauper

Singing on this stage I hear the fiddle

And realize

Caught up in chords and melody

Not that wise

Blackout – mind blank

Lyrics were left behind

They had some great ones –

Rhyme after–

Sometimes I think of words

In verses too far ahead

You’re shouting at me, “wrong verse”

I think you’ve said

Then you say – you’ve left

The sheet behind

The music makes me blind

[Chorus]

If you’ve lost all the words – then just make them up

Rhyme after rhyme

If Frank Hayes has now hit you – rewrite your lyrics

Rhyme after rhyme

After my song is done, the music will

Fade away

Some words were wrong, you’re wondering

If it’s OK

Dumb lines stolen from songs I heard

The drum beats had me scared

[Chorus]

Then you say – you’ve left

The sheet behind

The music makes me blind

[Chorus]

…Rhyme after rhyme

Rhyme after rhyme

Rhyme after rhyme

Rhyme after rhyme

House of the Rising Sun – lyrics slightly changed

TTTO “The Horsetamer’s Daughter”, Leslie Fish

My mother was a pants tailor

She sewed my new bluejeans

My father was a gamblin’ man

Down in New Orleans

Now the only thing a gambler needs

Is a suitcase and trunk

And the only time he’s satisfied

Is when he’s on a drunk

[Chorus]

Well, there is a house in New Orleans

They call the Rising Sun

And it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy

And God I know I’m one

Oh mother tell your children

Not to do what I have done

Spend your lives in sin and misery

In the House of the Rising Sun

Well, I got one foot on the platform

The other on the train

I’m goin’ back to New Orleans

To wear that ball and chain

[Chorus]

Laptop Dead

TTTO “Gan Sagur” by Gidi Gov

You boot the machine, the screen is looking fuzzy

There was an error message and I saw that – I think the laptop is dead

The beeps were kinda scary, and I think it’s done

And believe me, that it is the furthest thing from fun

And I think the laptop is dead

The hard disk is now grinding, there’s no login screen

And I believe I never witnessed a sadder scene

The hard disk is now grinding, there’s no login screen

And I believe I never witnessed a sadder scene

I have looked at this thing with a sense of dread

But I figure it’s now over, I should go to bed

La,la,la…..

The hard disk is now grinding, there’s no login screen

And I believe I never witnessed a sadder scene

The beeps were kinda scary, and I think it’s done

And believe me, that it is the furthest thing from fun

It’s really kinda sad to see a laptop dead

It’s really kinda sad to see a laptop dead

It’s really kinda sad to see a laptop dead

Too Many Stupid Parodies

TTTO “Little Fuzzy Animals”, Frank Hayes

When you come to a house filk, you may quite like what you hear

There are songs and tunes and parodies and sometimes there is beer

There are songs that wrench your heart right out and then ones that are just wrong

And too many stupid parodies of that old song

There’s too many stupid parodies

Many stupid parodies

Many stupid parodies of that old song

Now not all of the the songs you hear should fill you full of dread.

For the ones that have tunes you’ve not heard, well, sometimes they ain’t bad

There are parodies of songs you know which can be really fun

But I think that songs with that old tune should not be done!

I think that songs with that old tune

Those songs that have this old tune

Those songs that have this old tune should not be done

When nightfall comes to circle and the singers go around

They will do songs that they wrote themselves and ones that they had found

It can be lots of fun to hear a thing original and new

But when they start “fuzzy” things, this day you’ll rue

Yes they start with little fuzzy things

Start with little fuzzy things

Start with little fuzzy things – this day you’ll rue

So when you go to hear and sing you’ll know what lies in store

There are parodies, like this one here, your mind to drill and bore

So there’s only one thing you can do, and you see here the result

So there’s now another parody, I’ve joined the cult

Yes there’s now another parody

Now another parody

Now another parody, I’ve joined the cult

Duty Bound

TTTO “Mi Yada Sh’Kakh Yihyeh” by Uzi Hitman

You are the one

This duty you can’t shun

Chosen our hero please save us all

Though you look fragile and so small

Hard to leave what you know

Leaving all you had behind

Where will you now go?

What will you come to find

Who could know you’d be so tough

A slayer with mystical powers

You had saved the world more than enough

From things that kill and devour

Who could know you’d be so tough

A slayer with mystical powers

You had saved the world more than enough

From things that kill and devour

You are the one

This duty you can’t shun

Chosen our hero please save us all

Though you look fragile and so small

You think that you know

Innocence you’d left behind

Who’s friend and who’s foe?

You’ll come to feel so blind

Who could know you’d be so tough

A slayer with mystical powers

You cannot ever say “enough”

You cannot hide and cower

You are the one

This duty you can’t shun

Chosen our hero please save us all

Though you look fragile and so small

All that you now know

Mysteries were left behind

You now have to grow

You are no longer confined

Who could know you’d be so tough

A slayer who has her good buddies

Even when life has gotten rough

With whom to share fights and studies

It’s Always Morning Somewhere in the World (But not here)

To get the tune, I recorded <a href=”http://www.mediafire.com/?5gczung10aq”>myself singing</a>

The sun is coming out now, birds are chirping merrily

I really should got out of bed, my body’s telling me

It’s almost noon, I’m ill at ease, I want to sleep some more

The sun, its light is meant to tease, to tell me what’s the score

[Chorus]

My body, it is so confused,

My inner clock is oh so wrong

My body, it has been abused,

Don’t think it’s sure where it belongs

I turn around in my bed, and close my eyes again

Though morning has appeared by now, I have to rest my brain

If I don’t get the sleep I should, I won’t be worth a thing

I will to bed, with stubborness and desperation, cling

I’ve turned and tossed too much by now, I’m finally awake

But could it be, I’m feeling now, there has been some mistake

It’s dark the people are alseep, the morning – it’s not here

I’ve missed it geographically, it’s elsewhere on this sphere

Cephalopods music

Music sheet for cephalopods

Urban Flying

Tune: original (no notes)

I was nursing a beer, too tired to think

The guy next to me gave me a wink

Said I’ll tell you a secret about this place

He could see disbelief was in my face

Said, “there are two buildings, side-by-side

The ovens downstairs are heavy and wide

When the air gets hot, you know, it will rise”

And I saw a twinkle shine in his eyes

[Chorus]

Just throw your arms wide, just let yourself go

Up the air roars, feel the wind blow

You know, if you try it, you can get to fly

Hang up in the air and reach for the sky

“I don’t believe” I said to him

“‘Cause gravity ain’t just a dream”

If you don’t believe let money talk

I’ll go, jump down, away I’ll walk

[Chorus]

I saw him jumping, he came right back

My eyes bulged out, my jaw went slack

With a big ol’ smile he came to the door

Said, gimme my money, settle the score

[Chorus]

“Go ahead, try it,” he said to me

I was so drunk, I did agree

I went and jumped, and, well, went splat

And so I died, yeah, just like that

[Chorus]

‘Cause Clark’s a mean drunk, I’ll tell you

Shows off things that he can do

Lost my money and now my life

Such a cruel twist of fate’s dull knife

[Chorus]

The Wise Penguin

TTTO “Ha’Ahava Sheli Hi Lo Ha’Ahava Shelo” by Yehonatan Gefen (tune by Yitzhak Klepter)

I won’t forget the sight, a penguin, glasses on his eyes

And when he looked at me, I somehow knew that he was wise

I knew I couldn’t tell him any lies

Just like his wings would not fly him to the skies

The shingles on his roof looked like they’re gonna fall

He looked, and said to me, “I thought that you were gonna call”

The emeraldish tint that his eyes were starting to get

From big, meniscus lenses, that I’ve noticed, the second we met

His body was all colored, it was strange

The colors of the rainbow there, from red to blue in range

His wings had drooped so low, I thought they would fall

For help that he should get, I was not sure just who to call

Advice, that was the thing, that I hoped to get from this guy

He looked so very frail, I thought before he gave it he’d die

He managed to croak out some senseless words

And so I say to you, advice you’d get not from the birds

He died, he could not stand, he had an awful fall

And instead of flying here, I wish that I had thought to call

A Teen

TTTO vixy&amp;Tony’s “Thirteen”

Well, we had a kid a while ago, he was so cute when he would play

Saw him growing up, so beutiful, we loved him more from day to day

But the years piled on, not one day missed him, and now I cannot still pretend

That kid has grown, he is no baby, he’s now a teen at childhood’s end

[Chorus]

Please don’t grow, a baby be

Oh kid, won’t you take some pity on me

The devil himself couldn’t cause more trouble

So how can you be so mean?

A teen, a teen, a teen, a teen

Oh, kid I can’t tell where you’re going, and you won’t tell me where you’ve been

A few years ago you were just a baby, who said adulthood could come in

You disobey and you cause trouble, yet you still have on that cute grin

This ain’t war, this ain’t a battle, you won’t lose and we can’t win

[Chorus]

I’ve given up, do what you want to, I can’t control you anymore

The leash is gone and you are free now, go forth now, the world explore

I’ve given you all that I could now, I hope that you won’t let me down

But just remember this one thing now, you’re still my kid, whenever I’m around

[Chorus]

Whine Away

TTTO “Tune Away!” by Brooke Lunderville

You’ve pulled some facts right out of your ass

We hoped that you were done, but not so - alas

And we know that we all are in for a treat

As this old dead horse, you soon will beat

[Chorus]

Whine away! Whine away, guys

For you know we want to hear your cries

Whine away! We will stay right here

‘Till you’ve said your complaints for us to hear

In life you sometimes have to endure

Some unpleasantness but there is a cure

If you just shed tears and say “it’s not fair”

And shout enough, we will come to care

[Chorus]

Some people die and starve on the street

And others try hard to make the ends meet

But if your toe is stubbed or someone is rude

Just cry and pout, and twist and shout, and also brood

[Chorus]

Code Crunch Song

TTTO “Banana Boat Song” (traditional, Harry Belafonte version)

Code-o, Code-o

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Code, me say code, me say code, me say code

Me say code, me say code-o

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Work all night on drink of a coke

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

My fingers aching and my back is broke

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Come, Mr. G plus plus, read my code already

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Come, Mr. G plus plus, read my code already

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Write six-nest, seven-nest, eight-nest for

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Six-nest, seven-nest, eight-nest for

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Code-o, Code-o

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Code, me say code, me say code, me say code

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

A beautiful bunch of lightweight objects

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Hide the deadly coding defects

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Write six-nest, seven-nest, eight-nest for

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Six-nest, seven-nest, eight-nest for

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Code-o, Code-o

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

Code, me say code, me say code, me say code

Coding’s done and me wait for compile

One Ring

Tune: original

We looked for them, oh, everywhere, we looked both high and low

We thought that we would kill them all wherever they may go

We could not seem to find them and no matter how we tried

Until we got how to expose the places where they hide

[Chorus]

One ring to rule them all

And One ring to find them

One ring to make the call

And in the darkness bind them

And so we got our cellphones out and dialed out the right thing

And waited there so patiently until we heard the ring

The cellphones had betrayed their lords, they ratted out the fools

I guess next time they will make sure to quiet their own tools

[Chorus]

Scud, the short-term ballistic missile

TTTO “Scud, the disposable assassin” by Brooke Lunderville

The Iraqi regime’s in a deep situation

The US has decided now to rescue Kuwait

Nobody seems to be into the reconcilation

So Saddam has decided the Jews now to bait

It’s Scud, Scud, the short-range ballistic missile

Available from Russia for what dollars you got

Point ‘em at your enemy and near him they will whistle

But you’ll find it will miss much more often than not

…piece of crap

The missiles they fly nightly from the deep Iraqi desert

The batteries, they launch and than they go back and hide

The fly across the distance, the alarms wake all the people

Who will wait, in their rooms, ‘till it finally lands

What’s it got, it got, it got…

It doesn’t carry mustard, it’s a little less severe

It was just some explosives, there was no gas in store

And the gas masks were for nothing, and we think it is now clear

That’s it launched to make us, stop avoiding the war

It’s Scud, Scud…

But if we don’t launch the airplanes then we don’t fall for his plot

But a psychopathic dictator’s not a good think to keep

So the patriots are launched every time a Scud is shot

And we learn to keep our gas masks on and still to get sleep

Now this war won’t be much longer but it’s taken its toll

And though we are not fighting this, we still play our own role

So we wait patiently for peace now ‘cause we’re sick of this

If you want violent retribution, give it up, our ass kiss

So we won the six-day war with ease

We know when to fight and when to freeze

We will this one war out

No matter how hard you shout

It’s Scud, Scud…

ירושלים של זהב TTTO “Banned from Argo”

As usual, the refrain needs some changes to scan. Use the usual words, and the following refrain:

ירושלים של זהב,

ושל נחושת, גם בקור ובשרב

ירושלים, לא נשכח, היא עיר גם כן של אור

ולשירים ששרו לך אני הרי כינור

The Moon is High

TTTO “The Tide is High”, by Blondie

Context: In Israel, when I was a kid, the “Bazuka” gum came with a stupid joke and a “fortune”. Half of those said “By the time you’re 21, you’ll reach the moon.” Well, guess what, Bazuka gum makers?

The moon is high but I’ll reach it soon

I plan to go to the moon

I’m not the kind of guy

Who gives up ‘till he’ll die

Oh, no

It’s just the things I read

When I was just a kid

To believe it, they have lead

And so believe I did

I’m not the kind of guy

Who gives up ‘till he’ll die

Oh, no

The moon is high but I’ll reach it soon

I plan to go to the moon

To the moon

Every boy read the same old prophecy

When you’ll be twenty-one then on the moon you’ll be

I’m not the kind of guy

Who gives up ‘till he’ll die

Oh, no

The moon is high but I’ll reach it soon

I plan to go to the moon

To the moon

To the moon

Every boy read the same old prophecy

By age twenty-one then on the moon you’ll be

I’m not the kind of guy

Who gives up ‘till he’ll die

Oh, no

The moon is high but I’ll reach it soon

I plan to go to the moon

To the moon

To the moon

The moon is high but I’ll reach it soon

I plan to go to the moon

To the moon

To the moon

The Stars are Gone

TTTO Peter Alway’s “<a href=”http://members.aol.com/petealway/Almeda2.mid”>Almeda Dance #2</a>” (originally an instrumental)

Context: “Spin” by Robert Charles Wilson

‘Cause we will all fall, and we will all land

But we don’t know where that place might be

So we’ll run and hide, we’ll not make a stand

And soon like Diane I know I’ll be

[Chorus]

When the Spin is on, and the night is black

We know not, guess not, when the stars come back

And the world will spiral down to hell

Since the time the black Spin curtain fell

[Chorus]

We have done some tests, and we see this now

From the universe we’re cut away

And although we tried, we cannot know how –

Time has been sped up and we will decay

[Chorus]

So we send them off to go settle Mars

For humanity must stay alive

But it’s not for long they will see the stars

They get Spinned there too, as soon as they thrive

[Chorus]

Bridge:

Stars in the sky are back, could it be the end is here?

How can we deal with that, ‘till now it has all been clear

What if we sail away, leave here all that we have known

With those who have the faith, with them we’ll not be alone

Still the Martian guy, he came from that place

With the drugs and nanobots and plan

We have took the drugs, the plan we embraced

And we now escape in that plain white van

[Chorus]

And the world will spiral down to hell

Since the time the black Spin curtain fell

Wildmage

TTTO Peter Alway’s “<a href=”http://www.filkyou.com/~professorpete/Telynor.mp3”>Telynor</a>” (originally an instrumental)

Based on “The Outstreched Shadow” by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory.

Welcome dear brother, though you know me not

We will go now the world to explore

It’s not your fault that of me you forgot

Memories are not your core

[Chorus]

Brother, you’ve joined me

Together we’ll be

Now from our past we are free

Forest and wilderness, here is our home

Nature is ours to roam

Cast with me spells and learn how to use

The power that you hold inside

It’s up to you now, what will you choose

The law is no longer your guide

[Chorus]

You have run far but your quest is not done

Now you must save all this land

Though battle’s ended, the war is not won

Together, in this fight, we stand

[Chorus]

It’s Not So Nice When Someone Kills Your Song

TTTO Brooke Lunderville’s “It’s Just So Nice When Someone Knows Your Name”

I’d like like to be a singer on the radio or TV

It’s kinda nice to get some well deserved publicity

I could get arrested for doing something bad

Like hitting some young idiot who really got me mad

It’s not so nice when someone kills your song

When they molest the tunes you wrote

This kind of stuff, it gets my goat

See, it’s not nice when someone kills your song

I’d like to write a song that filker friends will hum along

And they would all enjoy it so they’ll want to write a new song

We filkers like a challenge, we want to feel so deep

This parody’s so obvious, I wrote it in my sleep

It’s not so nice when someone kills your song

When people twist the words around

‘till the original can’t be found

See, it’s not nice when someone kills your song

I’d like for Weird Al Yankovich a parody to write

So I can hear the parody on radio in the night

And frat boys whose fine motor skills have been dissolved by beer

Would find it quite the clever bit, when it gets in their ear

It’s not so nice when someone kills your song

And people sing the parodies

To nice and bouncy melodies

See, it’s not nice when someone kills your song

I’d like for big name filkers to make hash out of my stuff

It would be such a comfort, for such fame, it is enough

For some days you’ve got talent, and some days your stuff sucks so

But you can never go wrong with such a parody deluxe-o

It’s just so nice when someone kills your song

And you’ve got everlasting fame

“Kanef got me” you can proclaim

I mean, it’s nice when someone kills your song

You Are Mine

TTTO “Wildmage” by me, tune by Peter Alway (“Telynor”)

Yes, I do feel dirty parodying my own stuff. But Steve Savtizky said I could!

Bounties you give to me, cause me to thank

For I know it is no small a task

I’ll take what’s mine, as will befit my rank

All that you have’s mine to ask

[Chorus]

You are my larder,

When full, it is harder

To stand fast, not fall for your charms

The food is my dream and to it I am slave

When close to it I can’t behave

I’ll fill you friend, with the food I have bought

So much that it makes my friends sick

When I was young, to eat less I was taught

Now, this old habit I’ll kick

[Chorus]

You are now full, but it won’t be for long

I know I will eat well today

It feels so good that it just can’t be wrong

I don’t care how much I’ll weigh

[Chorus]

My Guitar

Tune: original

Inspired by Vixy&amp;Tony’s “Six String Love”

I like to play on my guitar, I guess I’m not alone

It’s fun to play when I’m with friends, it’s fun just on my own

I like to practice chords I know, I like to learn some more

For playing just the power chords can make you such a bore

For when I play, the people near, they tend to look at me

And since I like attention, it is just my cup of tea

I like it when they stare, and I still like it when they gawk

It’s fun when they are silent, but I don’t mind when they talk

[Chorus]

My guitar, she is so light,

And my guitar she is so mine

For me alone she is so right

I just adore her slick design

My air guitar is never wrong, it’s rare she’s out of tune

To breakage and string snapping, I’m so lucky she’s immune

It’s air that she is made of, and it’s air on which I play

The sounds she is making, well, inside my head they stay

[Chorus]

Standard Party

No tune yet.

If there is treasure to be found, you’ll have to fight you know

Because its guards will tend to be quite sad to see it go

So get your act together, get some friends to help along

And if you keep to standards, you are not likely to go wrong

See the ISO standards page

A cleric and a fighter

And the thief and clever mage

And no party can be tighter

If you want want just to hack it, you can do with somewhat less

The ISO is a bit too long, you can conserve, I guess

But you can’t do just want you want, so here’s what you can do

There’s something that is easier, and here’s a little clue

IETF’s standard’s homepage

The cleric is the fighter

And the thief is too a mage

And no party can be lighter

You know there’s all this money in the treasures that we find

And parties that have pooled their skills, their talents they combined

So with the money, come the fools, who think they’ll do as well

And now we’ve got this standard, and I can corruption smell

See the ECMA’s standards page

Druid cleric, and no fighter

Illusionist - not a mage

And the party’ll die tonight - er…

The Moon and the Sun

TTTO “Layla Layla”

Every night the moon is shining from above

Giving us its tender rays of peace and love

Man to man is wolf, you know

As he kills with tooth and claw

When the night is shining down from above

Every day the sun is shining in the sky

Giving us the will to live and not to die

Turns the vampires into dust

Like a stake that’s through heart thrust

When the sun is shining brightly in the sky

Super Mario Bros.

TTTO “Re: Your Brains”, Jonathan Coulton

Hi Mario, it’s me, Luigi, don’t you know

Good to see you brother, in this place

Things don’t look ok for us, for, see we’re in a new universe

I really wish we’d have a mace

I think that I can safely say that we don’t understand

What is just the meaning of this deadly little land

But here’s just what I think: we’re both gonna be jumping

[Chorus]

All we want to do is clear your drains

We’re not invincible, if you kill us we will die

All we want to do is clear your drains

We’re at this strange strange world, but no matter what we’ll try

Open up the floors, we will fall inside

And clear your drains

I don’t want to nitpick, Mar, but it seems we have no plan

Will we free the princess from the fort?

Maybe that’s OK for us, but someday we’ll be just plain out of luck

And our jumps will fall too short

I’m not surprised to see that we are winning, after all

We are quite used to having the floor beneath us fall

But bro, I think I’m scared: and I think that we will fail shortly

[Chorus]

I’d like to help Princess, in any way I can

I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me

I’m just a plumber, bro, well technically I am

You know I am

I think we should head back now, maybe we could wrap it up

I know that we will both get home somehow

Meanwhile we’ll keep jumping to the place where we both want to be in

I guess we have survived – for now

I’m sad to see that we have fallen down this deep well

For the way it looks to me, I believe it’s worth than hell

And we’ll try to forget, when we reach our home safely

[Chorus]

Six Side Dice

TTTO “Six String Love” by Vixy&amp;Tony

Some folks like the D&amp;D game, they play fighters, thieves and elves

Some prefer to run the games with the rules that they made themselves

Some folks love a game with runs through shadows and some magic

But I need to say, that there’s a better way

If you’re not afraid of some math, and you don’t think it’s tragic

[Chorus]

You can write the plots I like, the encounter that lingers

But the way to strike true is through nimble fingers

Yeah, I don’t need that whole damn batch

Just some dice with

Six sides that match

Take me to all the game cons, baby, take me to the open room

Run some games there just for fun, some games with coming doom

You can play the game like Gary, you can make a world enchanted

Where single strike can just end the hike

But there’s no game like Champions and it’s what I wanted

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

I don’t have time for games that suck

And for games that are no fun when playing

So if you want to improve, then just thank your luck

And listen to the words that I am saying

Let me tell you about my Champions game

Ooooh, what can I say

Guys with customs on every side

(spoken) I don’t remember anything else that happened that day…

Let me choose my powers here, let me choose my talents too

Let me read them rules, gimme power pools

So I’ll change the things I’m able to do

Give me a villain, with a pun, gimme a world to save

I’m a hero now, and I’ll win somehow

‘Scuse me when I blast this cave

[Chorus]

Yeah, I don’t need that whole damn batch

Just some dice with

Six sides that match

Yeah, I don’t need that whole damn batch

Just some dice with

Six sides that match

The CPU Shanty

TTTO “Haul Away for Rosie”, traditional – to get the tune, <a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpLYKkfw_D8&amp;feature=related”>there’s a video on YouTube</a>

Now, in the old days, shanties were used to synchronize sailors on various areas of the boat doing the heavy hauling. Nowadays, the CPU sends ticks to synch up the various parts in the computer. Here’s how I imagine lyrics to those ticks would go.

Word, get the word, add it to the last one

Word, get the word, add it to the last one, oh

Word, get the word, add it to the last one, oh

The program it is loaded now

And now I start to run it

Word, get the word, add it to the last one, oh

It is so long, I go to work

I read it to the last bit

Word, get the word, add it to the last one, oh

Word, get the word, add it to the last one

Word, get the word, add it to the last one, oh

So many bytes, so many words

All needing execution

Word…

And I will get to rest in peace

When I have the solution

Word…

From CPU to APU

The bits and bytes are rolling

Word…

The clock now must be accurate

The ticks it be controlling

Word…

To add, divide and multiply

Transistors running current

Word…

With pipeline to speed up the bus

Instructions are concurrent

Word…

Word…

Wizard

TTTO “Merlin”, by Douglas MacArthur

Another bug in the code tonight

Just over here, it is not quite right

Dawn’s not too far away

I heard the newbies chat on IRC

Will they have something good to see

When they wake up the next day

Well it’s late at night and the stars are deep

That’s ok I don’t need sleep

Coffee’s helpful for quite some time

But I have to fix that situation

And I need to clone that application

‘Cause I know that it can’t run on WINE

I think that some ideas I found

When I searched and looked around

And I need to rest my brain

The compile is slow and I have to wait

And I hope that it won’t make it late

The compiler is so lame

The file format is not quite understood

The standard says “must” and not “should”

I feel like I’ve hit a wall

And I don’t know when and I don’t know how

And I think I will fix this somehow

This problem is so small

Well I remember the day I started here

Tinged with excitement and some fear

As I’m coding up this clone

They said “such good programs can’t be free”

They mocked my crashes, and they laughed at me

As I’m coding this now alone

The pundits kissed my chance goodbye

And said “there is no chance, it will die,

It won’t change a thing ‘round here”

And over their shoulders, high on their horse

The users read and they said “of course,

Let’s away this failure we will steer”

The hackers cheered when they saw my smile

The hits went up and slashdot went wild

As this day I won the race

For hours coding made their mark

Hunched and typing in the dark

I can hardly wait to see the user’s face

On Using Proper Voltage with Electronics

TTTO “Transformers” theme

Transformers

Voltage that’s correct

Many tools can run that’ll

Need some help with foreign sources of

Electricity

Transformers

Current that’s direct

Transformers

Voltage that’s correct

Transformers

Can’t Shut My Mind Off With You

TTTO “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”, Frankie Vallie

You’re like a bool that is true

Can’t shut my mind off with you

To all my bugs you’re the patch

And all my patterns you match

I want to read your disk drive

All your smooth curves to derive

You’re like a bool that is true

Can’t shut my mind off with you

Errors are all that I fare

When stuff with you I compare

You are beyond all my specs

Our love is something complex

But now I know what’s the deal

And I guess that you can’t be real

You’re like a bool that is true

Can’t shut my mind off with you

We’re interfacing

And we’re exchanging bytes

We’re interfacing

You’re sending me invites

Oh, interfacing

You make sure in I’m in sync

Oh, interfacing

You show me lights that blink

Oh, interfacing

A list with double links

Let us interface now

Let us interface

You’re like a bool that is true

Can’t shut my mind off with you

To all my bugs you’re the patch

And all my patterns you match

I want to read your disk drive

All your smooth curves to derive

You’re like a bool that is true

Can’t shut my mind off with you

We’re interfacing

And we’re exchanging bytes

We’re interfacing

You’re sending me invites

Oh, interfacing

You make sure in I’m in sync

Oh, interfacing

You show me lights that blink

Oh, interfacing

A list with double links

Let us interface now

Let us interface

Vacation

TTTO “Beaded Bag” by Peter Alway (originally an instrumental)

Take your pack, coloured stones fill it with

Go to where we are just a myth

Pack all things you cannot do without

Clear your mind of fear and of doubt

[Chorus]

Near the coast is a place

Where we’ll be free again

Away from the rat race

And far from the pain

Leave behind your worries and come to play

We will learn to live for today

Roam the coast, laughing with childish joy

For this day the world is our toy

[Chorus]

We’ll be back – there will be time for work

But our time in here is a perk

Let’s enjoy, the future is yet not near

Live for what we have now and here

[Chorus]

Fuck

TTTO “Companion” by Vixy &amp; Tony, from “Thirteen”

One upon a time, there was an ordinary word

Narrow little mindsets with a narrow view to hold

They feared it, and misunderstood

So they made a law that night, took it from us for good

You can feel the burning of the books

You can feel the whispers, the dirty little looks

My life will never be the same

Since that stupid law from fascists came

When we made a crime of that word (Crime of thought and crime of speech)

When we made a crime of that word (As stupid values they all preach)

When we made a crime of that word (Narrow minds and vanity)

When we made a crime of that word (We destroyed humanity)

With a law in hand and a gleeful grin

You have let the stupid fascists in

When we say that word, we won’t be free

They’ll lock us up, and throw away the key

It was the door to all the books they burn

It was too dangerous that harmful word to learn

And safe euphemisms, the meanings they steal

If it’s never been done, you ask why not

Was it undemocratic? You just forgot

You’re the universe own vengeful sword

As you cut it, a weapon of the lord

When we made a crime of this word (Crime that has no victim hurt)

When we made a crime of this word (Say the word, it’s red alert)

When we made a crime of this word (Make the word a mystery)

When we made a crime of this word (Arguing with history)

With a law in hand and a gleeful grin

You have let the stupid fascists in

When we say that word, we won’t be free

They’ll lock us up, and throw away the key

You’re arrogant and troublesome, impetuous and vain

You’ve closed your mind and don’t care when we explain

You’re so sure that you are right, and so drunk now with power

You pulled us

To the side

Made us cower

No hope for the future, we look to our past

Without free speech, free thought can’t hope to last

They laughed at our words, and made legal their cruel ban

The spiral downward, it only has began

And when the cops are at the door

No need to fear them anymore

They’ll break down the door and step on through

Use the maiden of iron, and use the cruel thumb-screw

When we made a crime of this word (Free speech has now gone away)

When we made a crime of this word (Not all thoughts we can now say)

When we made a crime of this word (We can’t say that we’re not free)

When we made a crime of this word (We can’t say, and we can’t be)

With a law in hand and a gleeful grin

You have let the stupid fascists in

When we say that word, we won’t be free

They’ll lock us up, and throw away the key

We made a crime of this word (Anything is possible)

We made a crime of this word (Anything is possible)

The Scary Vampire Song

TTTO “The Hippotamus Song”, by Donald Swann and Michael Flanders

A scary vampire was standing one night

On the street, and the night it was dark

He gaze at the people walk in the light

‘Till he found a lady to mark

There ‘neath a streetlight, glorious hair

A sweet little wink of a maid

That scary vampire, with a look that was dire

Whispered and quietly preyed:

[Chorus]

Blood, blood, such tasty blood,

Nothing quite like it, I’m telling you bud,

So follow me, follow, your blood I will swallow

I’ll swish in my mouth, such scrumptious blood

The scary vampire, no need to entice

He knew that his dinner was near

His sire not cared for to give him advice

Away from this maiden to steer

Like thunder his ears they picked up the sound

Of her footsteps, with thin long high heel

His victim on this night, prepared for a hard fight

She promised she’d not be a meal

[Chorus]

Now the slayer when fighting she jumps and she whirls

It is hard from those punches to hide

And though all her kicks are those of a girl

When they hit you you’ll wish you had died

The vampires have learned, when their pal turned to ash,

To check well if a girl is their bane

And all scary vampires, that to long live aspire

Are careful when singing again:

[Chorus]

If I Only Ate Some Brain

TTTO “If I Only Had a Brain” from “The Wizard of Oz”

I could scare away the cowards

As for food I have scoured

And I would not dare complain

And my itch I’d be scratchin’

And the victims dispatching

If I only ate some brain.

I’d consume every grey cell

It would be just like in hell

With trouble and some pain

With the teeth that are sinkin’

Yes, my lips I’d be lickin’

If I only ate some brain

Oh, I could tell you why

The skull’s best is at the core

I could eat brains like I never ate before

And then I’d go and eat some more.

I would not be just a nuffin’

As my face I’d be stuffin’

I would not experience pain

I would dance and be merry

And I would put on top a cherry

When I only ate some brain

What a Wonderful Sword

TTTO “What a Wonderful World” by George Douglas and George David Weiss

I see people bleed, the color’s blood red

I see ‘em cut, and I see them dead

And I think to myself what a wonderful sword.

The colors of when a man dies, so pretty in my eyes

He now is much more truthful, I’m sure he’ll tell no lies

I see foes run away, saying, “he is insane”

What they’re really fearing is some pain

I hear babies cry, when their parents die

So many I kill don’t say goodbye

And I think to myself what a wonderful sword.

The colors of when a man dies, so pretty in my eyes

He now is much more truthful, I’m sure he’ll tell no lies

I see foes run away, saying, “he is insane”

What they’re really fearing is some pain

I hear babies cry, when their parents die

(Spoken) They won’t have to tell this world goodbye

I see friends shaking hands…..sayin.. how do you do

Theyre really sayin…*spoken*(I ….love….you).

I hear babies cry…… I watch them grow

spoken (you know they’re gonna learn

A whole lot more than Ill never know)

And I think to myself what a wonderful sword.

And I think to myself what a wonderful sword.

Doom Shooting

TTTO “California Dreaming”, The Mamas and the Papas

All the rockets launch

Keeping foes at bay

They all came from hell

Zombies, here to stay

Opened up a door

I found along my way

Well I got the shotgun here

Jumped into the fray

You know the zombies like the dark

They’re not kept at bay

And I hope it’s not my doom here

But they’re here to stay

All the rockets launch

Keeping foes at bay

They all came from hell

Zombies, here to stay

If I didn’t get shot

I would live today

And I hope it’s not my doom here

Zombies, here to stay

Wild Guess

Tune: original

A song about the <a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euler-Mascheroni_constant#Properties”>properties of the Euler-Mascheroni constant</a>

If you sum one over k,

And you just won’t stop at all

It will not stop on its way,

Though it rises at a crawl

If you subtract a log, base e

At each step along your path

It converges you will see

Take time to do the math!

Gamma is the limit’s name

It’s easy to approximate

But you cannot hope to claim

We know something of its fate

Our math is still not quite enough

To know its properties, you see

But here’s a guideline that is rough

And I hope you will agree

[Chorus]

You should know the odds if you have to bet

And the odds are a zero to one

So I’m gonna say no, though I’m gonna sweat

For a shred of a proof I have none

Can we find two numbers whole

Their division to be this

If this is to be your goal

Your hope and prays I will dismiss

Rationality is rare

It is much too much to hope

And though I did not say its fair

I am going to say “nope”

[Chorus]

If it’s irrational, you see

Still polynomials abound

Whose co-efficients are in Z

Perhaps one of them can be found

Such that one among its roots

Is this Gamma that we seek

My guess it will bear little fruits

Though my arguments are weak

[Chorus]

Algebraic over pi

Or algebraic over e

Oh, tell me, why you try

Why you cannot let this be

It’s so easy just to guess

To just give up and say “no”

We are not assured success

Though the odds are good, you know

[Chorus]

Higher Power

No tune yet.

For each set of some elements, there is the power set

If you take all its subsets, than this will be what you get

The function that for each x gives the set of order one

Containing it is will prove that it’s not smaller, this side’s done

[Chorus]

A higher power always exists

There’s always something more

No matter just how you persist

A larger set will always soar

A set to all its subsets, for each function, let us take

The elements that are not in their image, a set make

Now, for each member of the set, its image cannot be

This set of curious elements, I hope you will agree

For if it is the image of some member, call it k

It is contained in this set, or it isn’t, either way

If it’s contained than it is not, if not than it’s contained

This paradox now shows us that a valid proof we gained

So now we know the power set cannot be equal to

The set that it is made of, and so now we see it’s true

It is the higher power, and this set is larger still

And so the powers of the sets, they always go uphill

I’m Compilng Again

TTTO “אני שוב מתאהב” by Gidi Gov

אני שוב מקמפל

וזה שוב מתקלקל

בלילות בלי שינה

הוא נוטר לי טינה

אני שוב מקמפל

ונשבע שלא עוד

ומוחק את הקוד

אני שוב מתפלל

את הבאגים למחוק

זה כבר נגד החוק

לעשות זאת עם AWK

אני שוב מקמפל

ונשבע שלא עוד

ומוחק את הקוד

שם אלגוריתם שרץ

והוא לא עוצר או…

קלט חוקי

קלט הורס

שם אלגוריתם שרץ

והוא לא עוצר או…

קלט חוקי

קלט הורס

אני שוב מקמפל

וזה שוב מתקלקל

בלילות בלי שינה

הוא נוטר לי טינה

אני שוב מקמפל

ונשבע שלא עוד

ומוחק את הקוד

זמן כאן שוב מתבזבז

אני קצת מקלל

את בוראני האל

ויוצא מן ה SHELL

אני שוב מקמפל

ונשבע שלא עוד

ומוחק את הקוד

שם אלגוריתם שרץ…

The English version:

I’m compiling again

And still nothing I gain

On a long sleepless night

I’m not getting it right

I’m compiling again

It does not seem to load

I’m deleting the code

This is hurting my brain

It’s becoming a bore

When it’s dumping a core

I can’t take it no more

I’m compiling again

It does not seem to load

I’m deleting the code

There is my program, it’s running

In busy loop

Input’s not right

Input is wrong

There is my program, it’s running

In busy loop

Input’s not right

I’m compiling again

And still nothing I gain

On a long sleepless night

I’m not getting it right

I’m compiling again

It does not seem to load

I’m deleting the code

And I’m wasting my time

It’s becoming a drain

My god, please stop this pain

Or I’ll soon be insane

I’m compiling again

It does not seem to load

I’m deleting the code

Over the Network

TTTO “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”,

Somewhere over the network

Servers die

Hard drives breaking and grinding

My data goes bye-bye

Somewhere over the network

They are screwed

For the backups are also gone

This is far from good

Restore the data from a tar

It is a hope that is too far

Above them

Now trouble comes like summer crops

And once it starts it never stops

That’s what will kill them

Somewhere over the network

Packets fly

Packets fly through the network

Even though servers die

Though TCP packets go through

The global network

Servers will always die

Bug Each Day

TTTO “יש לי יום יום חג” by הגשש החיוור

When software’s done, it is supported

Beneath this effort I cannot bow

And I can fix each bug that’s been reported

And that, my friend, is what I’ll do now

[Chorus]

For each day a bug

And a bug each day

For each day a bug

I’m telling ya’

[Chorus]

The bugs I get, each one, is special some way

For each of them is funny and it’s sad

And one by one, each bug, you will see me slay

And that, my friend, is not too bad

[Chorus]

One summer day, when things were looking quiet

I knew that it cannot be thus for long

And I was right, you know, it was a riot

That day, my friend, it all went wrong

[Chorus]

I’m telling ya, it’s hard work and it’s fun still

I’m telling ya, my friend, I’m still right here

I’m telling ya, you know, it’s such a big thrill

I’m telling ya, it’s not as dull, as it appears

[Chorus]

Bridge Over Interfaces

TTTO “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon&amp;Garfunkel

When the network’s setup wrong

When packets drop on the floor, I will be along;

I’m on both sides, moving packets through

The subnet is now bound

Like a bridge over interfaces

Passing packets through

Like a bridge over interfaces

Passing packets through

Router’s down and out

Router’s beat

Routing is so very hard

Moving packets through

I’ll do this part

When packets come

And drops are all around

Like a bridge over interfaces

Passing packets through

Like a bridge over interfaces

Passing packets through

Move on, TCP

Move on through

The time to live is now

And you know you’re on your way

You’re now so clear

If you need a MAC

I will make one appear

Like a bridge over interfaces

Passing packets through

Like a bridge over interfaces

Passing packets through

God of Rain

TTTO “King of Spain” by Moxy Fruvous

Once I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

Oh, my unbeatable stormy weather (now it is very dry)

I’m telling you I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

Now I’m wearing a coat of Leather

1 2 3 4

Divinity, being the lord was me

Politics on Mount Olympus, inventing morality

Or smiting people for the volume of their snore

Giving the rules, and smiting people who could not follow them anymore

Once I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

A pantheon, well, that was my home (now it is very dry)

I’m telling you I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

And I huddle beneath the SkyDome (once he was the God of Rain)

I can’t wait, I’m raising the water rates, I’m worshipped

“God, please make the rain not flood us,

There’s a leak in the roof, oh sad is our fate”

It’s more than fair, not that I really care

Let’s drop some more rain in Europe

And see all the ladies drying their hair

Once I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

Hey Jesus, Muhammad, Got problems? You phone me! (now it is very dry)

I’m telling you I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

Now the rains will not come, until I will be free (once he was the God of Rain)

Now some of you are probably wondering how I came to be mortal on earth here

after divinity in Heaven. Should I tell them, guys?

Tell us, God!

You see late one night when the Gods were all asleep

Down to earth I came, and my godly bride I did ditch

At which point the other Gods, who did not care much for me

Closed gates, and back I can’t reach!

God, now mortal, don’t you dare chortle

They closed the gate and barred up the portal

Not of my own volition, I had to change my position

So next time, you hate all things divine

Remember: to him you are like a cow

The God of Rain doesn’t care now!

Once I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

I was looking for ways to kill people by drowining (now it is very dry)

I’m telling you I was the God of Rain (now it is very dry)

And now I’m stuck here in accounting (once he was the God of Rain)

NP != P

TTTO “אני רואה אותה בדרך לגימנסייה” by Arik Einstein

I have a problem here, solutions take forever

Some cities need me to be there, ASAP

And since I have no time and flying is not free

I wish to minimize the path on which I’ll be

I cannot contemplate quite how to solve this problem

But there’s another, and I think you will agree

That if I solve it polynomially – in time P

Then the last one will a problem cease to be

Can anyone here help me solve

I knew you’d hate to be involved

For there’s a formula, of true and false – that’s logic

And it’s an and of ors and each or is of three

I need to know whether I can it satisfy, see

I need to know if a solution is it be

Can anyone here please help me

How come when I ask, people flee

I have a problem here, solutions take forever

And now I fear that a solution there won’t be

NASA’s Engineers

TTTO “Barret’s Privateers”, Stan Rogers

Oh, the year was 2021

How I wish I was in space right now

When we begun to leave for space

But I was left here in this place

God damn them all!

I was told, “ah, space is dark and space is cold,

Safe from our woes and from our fears,

You will stay here for ten more years,

The last of NASA’s engineers”

Oh, chief director called for men,

How I wish I was in space right now

Who’ll man the station when they’re gone

It seems I was the only one

God damn…

We had a party when they left

How I wish…

They wished me well, and said goodbye

And said “for us oh don’t you cry”

God damn…

I do my job, and hold the line

How I wish…

And watch the stars by day or night

When it is dark and when it’s light

God damn…

The ships now circle up above

How I wish…

As they now learn to live up there

‘Cycling water and the air

God damn…

I’ve had to hear their stories told,

How I wish…

Of explorations, of brave deeds

And deep inside my heart would bleed

God damn…

There’s been no signal now for days,

How I wish…

I’ve been so bored I wrote this song

And soon I hope I’ll go along

God damn…

So here I lay in my 33rd year,

How I wish…

It’s been ten years since they sailed away

And I’m gonna leave for space today

Oh, thank the Lord,

I was told that space is dark and space is cold

But now I’m shedding joyful tears,

The last of NASA’s engineers

God damn…

Code in Perl

TTTO “Brown-Eyed Girl”, Van Morrison

Hey why did you die

Gone when the files came

You won’t even try

That is a bit lame

Stopping and not running, hey hey,

Skipping bytes and breaking,

In the dead of night when

The strings a chompin’ and you

My code in Perl

You’re my code in Perl

Whatever happened

This day you ran so slow

Going down with naught

No results I can show

Fixing expressions that match patterns

Cursing this guy, Larry Wall

To insanity sliding

Soon I know that I will fall, with you

My code in Perl

You’re my code in Perl

Do you remember when we used to write,

Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da

So hard to find a way

To fix this on my own

Gonna call some help this fateful day

My how the bugs have grown

Lost my memory back there, Lord

I cannot stand thinking ‘bout

Going out to the green grass

Thinking no more about you

My code in Perl

You’re my code in Perl

Do you remember when we used to write,

Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da

A Distraction

TTTO “Elevation” by U2

Based on the movie of LotR:RotK, when Gimli said “A distraction!”

Fight, fight with Sauron

You will not fight alone

I need you to be my ally here

We won’t be saved by ships

And not by clever quips

From trips

We must distract them all

It’s out of control

Been fighting with some trolls

Facing death and destruction

Now please don’t cry

And even though we’ll lose we’ll try

We die

For distraction!

It’s far

We can’t know where they are

For hobbits we now spar

We just hope that they will throw the ring

We’ll help them with their goals

To die here is our role

The goal is some distraction

A troll

Fighting in a hole

To be here is my goal now

Facing death and destruction

There’s an eye in the sky

It sought the hobbits ‘till we pried

We try

For distraction

Friends

Our fate we now can choose

We’ll die here, it is true

This is what we’ll do

A troll

Fighting in a hole

To be here is my goal now

Facing death and destruction

There’s an eye in the sky

It sought the hobbits ‘till we pried

We try

For distraction

A distraction x N

Uncle Ben

TTTO “Arthur Curry” by Ookla the Mok

Jean Grey, was a phoenix dark, she died and then came back

And Superman, well he died in the comics, but not long the world him lacked

All the other characters in comic books

If they die, they come back later, it’s a standard track

But I know that there won’t come a day

I’m not coming back, no how, no way

[Chorus]

I am uncle Ben, power and responsibility

May be nothing to you, but I think that they correlate you see

Now please let me reassure you, I am dead and in the ground

I am uncle Ben, and you better not mess around

There are days, I swear, I’d whip Peter raw

The proportionate brain of a T. rex too small

But I can’t, in heaven, here I’m stuck

I have to trust that he’ll make right calls

Colossus, gave up his life, but Joss wanted him too bad

It seems like everybody else has died, but as much as I tried

I’m not going to live, it’s all so sad

Green Arrow has died, but he didn’t remain so

But when goodbye I had said, well forever I did go

I’m not as tough as Batman, was killed by a gun

The fault was not all Peter, who I loved as my own sun

[Chorus]

Peter wouldn’t be the same, if he didn’t feel like he’s to blame

Like he, and not the crook, had took my life

Even my wife aunt may, says that he is not to blame, he’s a good boy now

But he has a life of sorrow and strife

Bucky, the Captain’s friend, has come back from the dead

Jason Todd was soon to join him, and has left me all alone here

But of life back on earth I so dread

So not me, I guess, I’ll stay right here

I’ll sit here up in heaven and I’ll drink my beer

It’s tough to live on earth and you know I’m no fool

With death that’s permanent now, I guess that I am cool

[Chorus]

Fairness

TTTO “French Prince of Bell-Air”

Now this a story all about how

My life got flipped-turned upside down

And I liked to take a minute

Just sit right there

I’ll tell you how I became a commie and cared about fair

In North California, born and raised

On the whole foods was where I spent most of my days

Doing my taxin’, relaxin’ all cool

As a responsible hippy, not being a fool

When a couple of guys who were doin’ some good

Trying to help the people in the neigborhood

Tried to do what’s right

And my mom got scared

She said, “I have to make you stop carin’ ‘bout ‘fair’”

And so I left home, joined a commune that was near

My path never shone neither brighter nor clearer

If anything, I can say that these guys were rare

And I thought, “Oh I finally made it, they care about fair”

I protested, got arrested, seven times – maybe eight

And I yelled to the coppers, “go home, people-haters”

I looked at my life

Happy I can now care

About the rights of the people, and just what’s good and fair

Life of Geekboy

TTTO “Bride of Wolfman”, Ookla the Mok

Even a man who’s raised with love

And sleeps well every night

May become a geek when he learns of Trek

When the dialogue he’ll recite

People tell me that I’m insane yeah

Just because I got that mono-mania

My hobbies, by some people, are maligned

When you’re a geekboy it gets kind of lonely

And though I know I’m not the only one

There comes a time when you have to decide

Need to decide

And I cannot cook no food that’s worth a damn

I’m eating it right from the can – my spam

But I’m telling you it is that bad

And before I get kicked out by dad

Frustration with the basement I am rife

I want a life

I want a job man that’s plan to see

But I think that you will not disagree

That my outfit will need some redesign

People told me I should stop to skip

The showers – man that was really a good tip

And now I look and smell top-of-the line

Oh, I smell fine!

From the basement I have been cut by a knife

I’m a geekboy, I can never have a life

But though I really really tried

And I have waited for a sign

I still watch Star Trek when I’m on my own

And I can’t fool you, you can see

As soon as you will glance at me

That I am just a geekboy in your eyes

I’m still a geek who likes Trek deep inside

That is still what I do for fun

And this is what I’ll teach to my son

And you won’t pry

Trek from my fingers, ‘till I will lose my soul

I can never be the one you think’s right

I can never be the one you’ll talk to in the daytime light

I can only be the one who’ll teach you how in Star Trek’s truth is found

But I’m still alive

Reach for the skies!

And you’ll be coming with to the moon

For to space we will go real soon

I think you’ll agree

That my hobbies I’ll no longer hide

Gave Up Too Soon

TTTO “Spoke to Soon” by Brooke Lunderville

Our lords and our ladies are craving the metals

They all want the gold, every fop, knight and and dunce

So the question is now: can we use all the lead here

And the alchemists have now all started the hunt

[Chorus]

We walk blind and desperate, pretending it’s science

Rewards are quite big though our chances our small

Silver is nice, although Gold is our calling

And lead is not worth it, not worth at all

And to make gold from lead or to even make silver

Would make us all famous, oh, it would be nice

We’re wise men of folly, in labs with our science

We’re wise men of folly, with gold to entice

We found a stone, and we think it’s the answer

We think that this stone will solve all of our plights

Making it useful is just a formality

But the doubters all say that we can’t just be right

For we know that the rich folk have different agendas

With all of the gold that they want they are born

They spread lies, that we are just fooling about

Now they are all wrong, but it won’t stop the scorn

[Chorus]

For the science of physics has proven us right now

We finally have all that we have pursued

Though men lost their minds and their wits and their bodies

We’re finally happy, we won’t spoil the mood

It just takes some force and the atoms all shatter

The protons, and neutrons, we’ll change – as we said

The atoms we’ll change to increase them in value

“You see all this gold, well, it once was but lead

Yes this gold, well, it once was but lead”

[Chorus]

Moore’s Law

TTTO “Loke’ach Ta’Zman” from “Zlil Mechuvan”

When the CPU was new, back then

This guy, the call him Moor, this law he invented

It would double in transistors, time and again

It had since been quoted often, and poorly represented

But more transistors on a chip

Mean faster hardware costing less

And so computers have been growing still

And it will not stop I guess, yeah

In the year of 1971

10 micrometers chip, state-of-art represented

But these chips would be pretty soon outdone

3 micrometers chips, in just 4 years they were invented

And just in 7 or so years

They made 1-point-5 microns

And they would not be done with this for years

They would still hit the milestones, yeah

But software has been slowing through the years

With faster hardware, we still wait ‘till we’re in tears

With more and more transistors we are hit

The programs just run slower bit by bit

Some people write their working code in languages with a VM

And I say that if the code is working fine, that I would like to join them

90 nanomilimeters are the rage

We’ve all got those chips, and still the things are growing faster

For, you will see, in this nano day and age

11 nanomilis with the quantum stuff to master

We still do not know what we’ll do

When we have gone so small as that

But we’ll have 10 more years to figure out

And we are taking our time, yeah

Linus and Linux

TTTO “Goliat” by Kaveret

Once in ancient history,

UNIX was a mystery

Code was closed and hidden,

From the hackers eyes a-prying

But a guy from lands of cold

Wrote a new one, and he told

“Read the code, it’s free for all

I don’t mind any spying”

Bugs were there, but shallow all

For the law that’s “Linus” called

If we work together

We will find them to the last one

Change and distribute it please

But just don’t be a big sleaze

Give us all the sources

You had yours, let us have our fun

All other UNIXes, they fought until they died

But with Linus as the leader, and with GNU there at our side

We are sharing our code with GPL

It got ported everywhere

64 bits – not a care

Where the GCC has worked

Then Linux’s sure to follow

SMP was no big deal

Now the kernel lock is pealed

All the patches going ‘round

The tree was sure to swallow

All other UNIXes, they fought until they died

But with Linus as the leader, we knew that we could trust our guide

We would wait for the mail with the release:

Read the patches, bugs have been fixed, now please patch if you will

Please compile, install the kernel, it does not take much skill

Read the patches, bugs have been fixed, now please patch if you will

We disclaim responsibility if boxes you kill

Distributions take it all

Roll it up into a ball

Put it on a CD

Or the web for downloading

Put up fixes for the bugs

All holes they so swiftly plug

To prevent computers

From the cracking and exploding

Linus now is not alone

Happy so to share his throne

With the people who have helped

To code this damn fine kernel

Now so many people know

Understand the program’s flow

They can fix the bugs because

They understand internals

All other UNIXes, they matter less and less

For with Linus as our leader, we can now proclaim sucess

Though now others, send mail with the release:

Read the patches, bugs have been fixed, now please patch if you will

Please compile, install the kernel, it does not take much skill

Read the patches, bugs have been fixed, now please patch if you will

We disclaim responsibility if boxes you kill

Read the patchs for bugs have been fixed –

And some more features in there mixed –

Now please patch if you kindly will

Bolt of Lightning

TTTO “Kung-fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas

[Chorus]

The wizard cast bolt of lightning

For our life we were fighting

I can tell you, it was quite frightening

Our party thief was climbing

We were just adventurers, in this dungeon we were stuck

We were caught in goblins’ trap, we were just plain out of luck

We made mistakes, were not that smart, now everybody did their part

We cannot afford a slip, or this will be our last live trip

[Chorus]

We had a wizard level five, we hoped he will keep us alive

He said “my spells are out now, I hope we’ll survive”

We hoped it not be our last stand, started fighting hand-to-hand

Our thief took out his own whip, with the metal-studded tip

[Chorus]

The thief for safety climbing

As the wizard casts bolt of lightning

The Girl That is Thirteen

TTTO “Thirteen” by Michelle Dockrey

Based on “The Girl That’s Never Been” by Michelle Dockrey

It was sixteen years outside a movie, the show was aging, and I was found

I had not a thing except a photo, and a blue dress here in this town

I know the story, but I can’t know now, if it’s a dream or it is true

The shrinks all told me I’ve imagined, “you’re not Alice, she’s not you”

[Chorus]

Alcohol and LSD

I had little pity on me

Humpty said I should stop at seven

Tell me what does it mean

The girl that’s never been

Cheshire tell me where I’m going, Cheshire tell me where I’ve been

Am I just imagination? Are we long-lost orphaned kin?

I have needed to go back there, I do not think it’s a sin

Now your words of hint and taunt, they get underneath my skin

[Chorus]

Cheshire tell me all your stories, Cheshire sing me all your rhymes

Though so long I have been clean now, I want to go back this time

What’s the answer to the riddle, of the raven from my call?

It is nothing like a desk now, it is nothing like at all

[Chorus]

Like a Version

TTTO “Like a Virgin” by Madona

It’s one of those songs I originally wrote before I knew what filk is. But I rewrote it, since I lost the original.

I made it through the big test-suite

Somehow I made it through

Didn’t know how hard it was

Baby, who knew

I’m still a bit incomplete

I have bugs, cruft that did accru

But you cleaned me up

Yeah, you cleaned me up

I know it’s hard to do

[Chorus]

Like a version

Out for the very first time

Like a version

With the number: 0-dot-9

Gonna give you all the fame, bot

I’m still not that fast

There are still low-hanging fruit

To optimize we must

I’m so fine, 0-dot-9

When the team you have strictly told:

Oh, the code’s in freeze

Yeah the code’s in freeze

‘Till it’s solid from cold

[Chorus]

I’m so fine, 0-dot-9

Please maintain, ‘till the end of time

‘Cause we have the build

Yeah, we have the build

And we upload with pride

[Chorus]

Like a version, ooh, ooh

Like a version

Though it’s still untried

When you mold me, I’m released now, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Ooh, baby

Can’t you see the number

Is just 0-point-9

Mail I Sent Her

TTTO “Love Me Tender”, Elvis Presely

Mail I sent her

From the street

“Do you want to go?”

Download is by now complete

Bandwidth was so low

Mail I sent her,

“From” and “To”

“With typing I am skilled

Though I know, not well as you,

Nor I ever will”

Mail I sent her,

“From” too long

It was filed as spam

But the filing was so wrong

Now I’m in a jam

Mail I sent her,

From right here

At 10 after nine

It arrived in just a year

That’s too long a time

What at last, my mail comes through

Darling, this I know

Your address will be the “to”

Though it might not show

Rainbow’s Child

TTTO “Yalduti Hashnia” by Mati Caspi

[Chorus]

I am a child once again,

Though I was old, and quite ill

I am a child once again,

A thrill

I am a child once again,

Future has happend, not “will”

I am a child once again,

Old man, yes, still

In a new world, these eyes

Are processing these wonders I see

What is now truth and what lies?

Future that I had not forseen

My speech is full of sighs

When once it was subtle with words

I’m learning to live in this world –

A plot slowly is unfurled

[Chorus]

Poems I read with these eyes,

Of birth and of death I have wrote

I will now cheat for the prize

To write once again, and to gloat

I am now full of despise

For all my colleagues in school

What reason is there to live?

My crimes nobody forgives

[Chorus]

Seeing through better eyes

A world that’s of magic full

Though now I should be so wise

I can hardly resist the pull

Though I’ve been used by spies

Still not a day do I regret

For this time, is a gift, this I know

I have now once again where to go

[Chorus]

Take My Money Please

No tune yet.

It is a well known policy, that you should follow friend

If money you would ask of me, make it an easy spend

Pile not the rules and hoops and proofs, please make sure I’m at ease

I am the one who’s buying, see, try harder me to pleasse

[Chorus]

If you want my money, open your hand

Don’t try to make me force it through

I will not do as you command

You’ll lose the deal, and that you’ll rue

I will not give my mail to you, nor personal details

For all I know, your dinky store, in privacy it fails

Don’t ask me to try hard to choose a password for your site

Just take my money, smile and thank, and try to be polite

So I will bid goodbye to you, if money you won’t take

In private I will think, it’s true, that you made a mistake

And now I go to places where they want my business more

Now read this song I wrote to you, and bye bye, dear senore

Blinkenlights

TTTO “Shabat Baboker” by Arik Einstein

The switch’s not letting packets through

Why does it happen, not a clue

The lights are blinking, off and on

As though it’s taken straight from “Tron”

You can try to do a reboot, disconnect and reconnect

For a switch is just too simple, and it’s too hard to inspect

But no matter what I’m trying, the packets, still they drop

And I’m contemplating

Giving up

And this troubleshooting

Stop

Technology Goes Marching On

TTTO “Lifa Ha’Eglon” by Arik Einstein

When I was young, the cells and phones

Were seperate and quite alone

But now they have been so combined, you see

So people call when on the road

And not just in their own abode

In constant touch, these people tend to be

[Chorus]

Technology goes marching on

There’s so much new beneath the sun

And we’re upgrading without fail

Oh, hey, you there, you have got mail

So now we surf the web, world wide

Where from the news we cannot hide

With RSS and blogs and instant news

We have search engines, wikis too

To learn so much more than we knew

Of people strange and stranger still their views

[Chorus]

So chips grow smaller, faster still

They don’t stop, and we doubt they will

So laptops are so cheap and yet so light

We find the wi-fi when we need

A blog to write or one to read

We update, chat and write into the night

[Chorus]

The future, friends, is coming soon

It’s not that bad, it is a boon

And yet we still do not have cars that fly

And paper still has stayed right here

Although I think the time is near

For paper to wave off and say good-bye

[Chorus]

Flame

TTTO “Dingo” by The Witches

Please click the button to send, to send

Please click the button to send mail back

To the one who who has e-mailed you

Who you so hard scolded

Wait a sec

Do you really think you should flame?

For it’s only a mail

Walk away, there’s no shame

‘Cause when you send

The mail you cannot regret

(They won’t forget)

So don’t!

Magical Treasures

TTTO “הלילות הקסומים” by The Witches

Hook, cliche, a clue, a map

Wake up early from your nap

Strap your sword and bring your picks

Learn your spells, rehearse your tricks

Gonna crawl through dungeons soon

Challenges along them strewn

Make no sense, but we don’t care

We just want our treasure’s share

[Chorus]

It’s so much fun, just to hack and to slash

Kill the monsters with swords, or with mace heads to bash

So a fighter, a wizard, a thief and a priest

Are slashing through evil and slaying the beasts

Monsters have some magic stuff

But we know it’s not enough

If we brave this dungeon through

We’ll find treasure, please our crew

[Chorus]

So we reached this dungeon’s end

And I cannot recommend

Doing what we have now done

Treasure was already gone

[Chorus]

They Want Me to Die

TTTO “בלדה בין כוכבים” by אדם

A song about the “Die Hard” series of movies.

I took off my shoes and made fists with my feet

The jetlag to heal, it’s a fine trick

With bare feet and a gun I will now have to beat

And find lots of bad guy ass to kick

I’ll shoot, jump and fall,

Find beat cops to call

Until I will get to punch news-dicks

[Chorus]

I don’t why

These people all want me to die

I think that I’m going to cry

Gonna cry

And keep fighting

It’s christmas again, and I’m meeting my wife

I should have expected the fighting

For it seems to be the bad fate of my life

Or possibly, just some bad writing

I saved her again, Ms. Holly McLain

And once again christmas’s exciting

[Chorus]

Just how many times I can try to survive

The villains who try to steal money

The gold just sits still, waits for them to arrive

Their plots are so said that’s they’re funny

The bits that they steal, are scarily real

And now they have kidnapped my honey

[Chorus]

Just Because It Ran Out of Juice

TTTO “Rak Bishvil Lekabel Hibuk” by Eifo Ha’Yeled

I am hoping for more time before I have to charge again

And the LED is blinking now, I think it will be over soon

The movie I saw was too long and the network have been a constant drain

I am getting the warning now, and I haven’t charged, I think, since noon

[Chorus]

And it is shutting down – now

This is final

It’s now

This is final

And the screen has gotten black

Just because it ran out of juice

Just because it ran out of juice

So the charging is a must

Or your device is going bust

Oh I know you cried and fussed

But it’s not unjust

The power in this device has limits still

It’s needed now, so chord inside the charging hole please thrust

[Chorus]

Mail is All Around

TTTO “Love is All Around”, Reg Presely

I feel it in my pocket

I feel it in my hand

It’s got me in its fingers

I bow to its demands

It’s in the air, I know it

It’s everywhere I go, oh, yes it is

So if you really love me

Click “send” and let it show

[Chorus]

I know I got it, I just can feel

Vibrations rock my body

Let me know it’s real

There’s no beginning,

There’ll be no end,

As long as mail I receive and send

I put my phone on “vibrate”

And now with every mail

My pants have got to buzzing

And my face grows pale

The phone will now command me, and I

Do its bidding now

When mail or calls now reach me

To its will I bow

[Chorus]

Miss the Cache

TTTO “לבקש ת’קש” by “שבק ס”

I’m counting on having this song being cut short anyway with groans, so I only did the first verse.

I know how you want it: dynamic and fast

A site that is the top, one that is unsurpassed

JavaScript and CSS, AJAX and theming

And the music downloading and the video streaming

But servers all crawl, they are slowing

They are close to being dead from all the traffic snowing

But now the maintainance they’re undergoing

And slowly but surely the results are showing

The site is now slightly less hard to scale

And with a little bit of luck, it will not fail

I now am up on all my work and I have read my mail

Though the balance we achieved it is so weak and frail

I am the network admin, not a web code monkey

I am addicted to the shell, and I’m a packet junky

Because this protocol is making me, miss the cache

And the servers are all crashing ‘cause I miss the cache

When I miss the cache, please tell me what to do?

I need the code: 304, your version’s true

Boss Wants Hacks in the Morning

TTTO “Boys Want Sex in the Morning”

Boss wants

Hacks in the morning

Hacks in the morning

When I’m not my best

Boss wants

Hacks in the morning

Hacks in the morning

Wants me not to test

Boss wants

Someone who’ll program

Someone to code

Someone to type “make”

Boss wants

Someone who’ll fix bugs

Someone with nose plugs

When I’m half awake

Boss wants

Hacks in the morning

Hacks in the morning

He’ll say nicely “please”

Boss wants

Loops with conditions

Var definitions

When we’re in code freeze

There is nothing I like better

Than a program now and then

When with adding just a letter

I can fix it, crash will mend

But before my eyes are open

Of these things I can’t decide

What on earth have I been smoking

When by zero I divide

Boss wants

Hacks in the morning

Hacks in the morning

No one in the streets

Boss wants

Code while I’m yawning

Sun is just dawning

And I’m half-asleep

Boss knows

I am unconcious

I know I must

Though I have no skill

Boss wants

Code with surprises

Code with the sunrise

When I want to kill

There’s nothing like a system

With the basics done just right

Though to build it we went sleepless

And worked late into the night

But before my eyes can focus

I know it is not wise

To descend just like a locus

On the code when it’s this size

Boss wants

Hacks in the morning

Hacks in the morning

Save, load and refresh

Boss wants

Someone to code it

Someone to load it

Fiddle with the mesh

Boss wants

Someone to fake and

Someone to shake and

Break down into cries

Boss wants

Someone to clean this

Someone who’s seen this

With tears in their eyes

The End of the World by Cute Filkers

TTTO “Blind Date on the Island of Dr. Moreau” by Brooke Lunderville

I watch you singing next to me

The hard lines on my face to soften

I gently sigh and wonder about my future

Like what color should I have my coffin

Songs which are cheery

though they’re about feari-

ng the end of the world

I’m lying here curled

[Chorus]

I heard the songs, about Vixy and Seanan and Brooke

But folks, I am here to tell you, that it is not quite how it looks

You all should know, it’s distraction, they’re not in a fight

And I know that by singing my song, my life – well it won’t last the night

There must be nothing wrong with how they are communicating

Now we all bit, so this is it and now the end’s awaiting

When I knew you learned chemistry

That was a sign for me, not for the best

That’s you’d start by poisioning people

Seanan’s disease kill the rest

And now I’m seeing Vixy

And what’s that she is mixing?

Well I cannot move a muscle

Stuck in a paradox of Russel

So when it started –

[Chorus]

So, folks, remember that cute blonde

Seems sweet but has a name for her chainsaw

When she engages it do not respond

She probably wants to take your brains out

She won’t just break your heart

Though you can hope she’ll break your heart

You cannot avoid this terror

But do not repeat my error –

When…

[Chorus]

Well, maybe someone might live

Liquid Metal

TTTO “Seasons in the Sun”

Goodbye to you, I go to fight

I need to serve, protect, uphold what’s right

Though once we fought so - side to side

The programs that have made me so, have died

Replaced by ones to humans tied

Goodbye, old friend, I go to die

For even if I win against ol’ Sky

My chips too great a danger pose

I have to stop my future foes

My story’s coming to a close

[Chorus]

We were scared, on the run

And we shot him with a gun

But to die he refused

As the liquid metal oozed

Goodbye, dear John, this cannot be

No more these well aimed shots now to the knee

You tried to teach me right from wrong

You should have guessed so all along

I have to leave, I don’t belong

Goodbye, dear John, it’s hard to die

You have to kill me now, don’t ask me why

Though you are strong, you also care

You’ll save the people everywhere

I only wish I could be there

[Chorus]

Goodbye cruel world, my story’s done

And in a twisted way, I think I’ve won

I have been up, and I’ve been down

I will now go, without a sound

I’ll not be buried in the ground

Goodbye cruel world, it’s hard to die

But it’s the only way I can stop Sky

The harder choice I have to dare

To save the people everywhere

I know that I cannot be there

[Chorus]

We were scared, on the run

And we shot him with a gun

But the fight, we did lose

With T3 there came the blues

Function Call

TTTO “Wonderwall” by Oasis

This time it’s gonna be the time

That you’re gonna be branching back

By now, you should’ve somehow

Realized that you’re going back

I don’t believe that anybody

Needs, in any way, the ret code now

PUSH/POP, the way you’re gonna hop

And execute this ugly hack

I’m sure, you kept the running score

Of the bits that you gotta back

I don’t believe that anybody

Needs, in any way, the ret code now

And all the code that has to run is grinding

And all the stack that led us here’s unwinding

There are many ways that I could

Make it be so fast but

There was no ACK

Because maybe

The malloc that you did has been freed

And after all

You’re a function call

This time was gonna be the time

But you’ll never be branching back

By now you should’ve somehow

Realized that they smashed the stack

I don’t belive that anybody

Needs, in any way, the retcode now

And all the code you ran so fast was grinding

And all the stack you had to push’s unwinding

There are many ways that I have

Tried to make it fast

There was no ACK

I said maybe

The malloc that you did has been freed

And after all

You’re a function call

I said maybe

The malloc that you did has been freed

And after all

You’re a function call

Said maybe

The malloc that you did has been freed

The malloc that you did has been freed

The malloc that you did has been freed

Pretty Good

TTTO “Bested”, Echo’s Children

Now that the con’s at the end, we bow at the end of the show

This con is over, now go get the hearse

We are all finished, we have done our worst

T’was fun but we now have to go

Now that we all had our fun, now that we spent all our dough

We bought all the glitter, and some bought a chain

We want to sleep now, our muscles in pain

T’was fun but we now have to go

Trying to sleep in the dark, we still can recall every blow

All the mock battles we saw our friends lose

Beaten and tricked how they fell for a ruse

T’was fun but we now have to go

Forbidden to leave in mid-con, to our home, at long last, we can go

Eardrums that split from the too-loud band,

Talks that were long, that we don’t understand

T’was fun but we now have to go

Now that the car has drove off, out, all of us, they did throw

Now we are finished and we are all done

You can be sure that it’s not the last one

T’was fun but we now have to go

Man Who Wore the Tin

TTTO “Blowing Winter In”, Echo’s Children

Though his attitude is jaded, he still cares for what is right

And his story is not over, he’s not out of this fight

In the tale of DG coming, in the wind that quickly spins

Who will lead that silly motely crew? The man who wore the tin

Now that Oz has turned to darkness, all the people feel the pain

In the prison that the queen holds, to torment, was summoned rain

And the palm of that young woman, has a mark burned in her skin

Who will lead that silly motely crew? The man who wore the tin

When the hope is dead and buried, and DG’s in prison thrown

She will need the help of all her friends, for she cannot win alone

She must win against her sister, she must fight her dearest kin

Who will lead that silly motely crew? The man who wore the tin

When the fight is all but over, when the enemies advance

When the one who can still save them, thinks of princesses that dance

When the younger, better sister, must atone for her vile sin

Who will lead that silly motely crew? The man who wore the tin

And the fighting has died down, there still shining bright, the suns

Still the man who is now victor, he cannot yet hang his gun

Oz is still quite far from heaven, though it’s finally not hell

For the man who wore the tin has won, and he made sure all is well

Weird People

TTTO “Short People” by Randy Newman

Weird people are not normal

Weird people are not normal

Weird people are not normal

At all

They do strange old things

And act insane

They can be good friends

Or they can be your bane

They got weird hobbies

And stranger hobbies still

They go to conventions

Where they’re rarely keeping still

Well, I like some weird people

I like some weird people

‘Round me

Weird people are not the same

As everyone

(They’re not anyone)

All men are a little weird

Until they’re gone

(It’s a wonderful world)

Weird People got nobody

Weird People got nobody

Weird People got nobody

To ape

They got tastes that are unique

And they just don’t care

You gotta not be scared

If you want to share

They go to bumper cars

Going beep beep beep

They stay up all night

And not sleep sleep sleep

They got strange hygienic habbits

And they sometimes smell

But when you know them they are kinda swell

Well, I want some weird people

I want some weird people

I want some weird people

‘Round me

Kenny

TTTO “Mary Ellen Carter” by Stan Rogers

He died again last episode, amidst the pouring rain

He drowned in a pothole and his last breath came in pain

He did the same before that, for each one deals mortal blows

Though the humor in his death is kind of low

He went up in a fire and has left a pile of ash

And nobody could save him, and no one really tried

And as the plot was silly, it has caused us to proclaim

That the poor kid who mumbles died again

Well the writers wrote him off, not a thought for him they’ll spend

They needed him to die for them, and so his life would end

And he soon became fan-favorite, the boy who would not go

So his soul would not stay in the sky, or in the hell below

Despite of all his dying, in the series he’ll remain

Though the poor kid who mumbles died again

[Chorus]

Dies again, dies again,

Let the God take his soul as he does with all the men

All those who were his friends and were with him to the end

They will know the kid who mumbles die again

All summer we have waited for the show had to return

We want to see him poked and pushed, to see his body burn

And though he is not stupid, and you cannot call him slow,

He somehow still knows not to death he’ll go

But we watched the show, glued to the screen, and saw him going down

We saw him dead and gone and now he’s buried in the ground

He was too shocked and scared and now his heart won’t take the strain

As, again, the kid who mumbles dies again

[Chorus]

But we know that one day, not that soon, he will not make the grade

And nobody, not friend nor foe, will rush to give him aid

And he’ll keep on, dead and buried, rotting slowly in his grave

When his life will never another day

And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow

When fate cruel hand has hit you hard, to quick grave you will go

At least a hope remains to you, if you like to eat brain

As a zombie, from the ground, rise again

Dies again, dies again

Though by now it is known that his death is not his end

No matter what he is to you, a character or friend

For we know the kid who mumbles dies again

On the Other Side

TTTO “בשדה ירוק” by Dany Sanderson

[Chorus]

On the other side of the looking glass

On the other side, there is now a lass

On the other side of the looking glass

Where the kings can’t rule but all the pawns can pass

It is black and white, there is no gray

And now Alice must choose a side

She will start to go on her own way

But the first part is fast, she’s going on a ride

[Chorus]

What’s the name of the name of the label?

Does it matter at all to the song,

Which has plot-holes the size of a table

Though when Humpty objects, you better nod along

[Chorus]

Step by step, the quest she has finished

And the crown is put on her head

But her age cannot be diminished

She will grow older and older until the day she’s dead

Now her blameless cat gets the scolding

For no cat can be ever to blame

Not too long will her anger be holding

And the cat won’t confess it had a red queen’s fame

On the other side of the looking glass

On the other side, there’s no more a lass

On the other side of the looking glass

Where the queens don’t rule but all the pawns can pass

On the other side of the looking glass

On the other side, there’s no more a lass

On the other side of the looking glass

Where the queens don’t rule but all the pawns can pass

Speeding Ticket

TTTO “Hey Yo Yah” by Dany Sanderson

<a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z18SXxNV1TQ&amp;feature=related”>YouTube video of a random band performing the original</a>

The morning’s came, the car had gas

The GPS was ready

I’ve punched the destination in

My driving hands were steady

I had to try hard not to speed

For tickets I had just no need

I copied from a car its style

I followed it for miles and miles

[Chorus]

Hey Yo Yah

Policeman’s here

Hey Yo Yah

I’ll have to pray

Hey Yo Yah

It’s not my year

Hey Yo Yah

It’s not my day

The car that I was following

Had thought I was annoying

The driver, he had had enough

With me, he was not toying

He waved for me to go along

I figured, I can do no wrong

I’ll speed it up, just for a bit

But with the radar I was hit

[Chorus]

Now officer, please pity me

Let me off with a warning

I promise that I will behave

At least until next morning

I’ll choose the cars to follow well

Until we reach the gates of hell

It’s creepy, I apologize

I’m really truly sorry guys

[Chorus]

Demon Hunter

TTTO “עניין של זמן” by Ehud Manor

There are things which go bump in the dark

And I see them taking over school

These things seem to go without a remark

Because the principal – he’s quite fool

[Chorus]

I am the one who will see them eradicated

For to this battle I am fated

By all the demons I am hated

From their deepest hate in hell

And my daughter follows in my steps

Whether I want her to or not

I will need to train her well

This thing is vital to the plot

[End Chorus]

Though I had my doubts who to trust

It still seems that they were not enough

Now to my aid my daughter’ll come as she must

Though her training I’ve rebuffed

[Chorus]

Synchronized Watches

TTTO “תנו לגדול בשקט” by Aver Kenner and Yoel Lerner

We have chosen science, we now have a side

We’ve all been recruited, try to turn the tide

Synchronize the watches

Fight for knowledge shining through

Light fuse with matches

Fight brave and true!

[Chorus]

Superstition’s evil

Let our science rule

We cannot stand any more the fools

Superstiton’s evil

Voodo magic bad

People who do magic make us sad

They have chosen magic, they are now our foes

Lines in sand were marked here, now we trade our blows

We fight, the stakes here

Are if technology survives

For all we hold dear

And soon we’re fighting for lives

[Chorus]

Lost Common Sense

TTTO “המגפיים של ברוך”

So he got a book of spells

And he figured what the hell

And he read the spells and started to do magic

To good sense he said goodbye

Did some cool stuff, “just to try”

Out of the window was thrown out all the logic

Soon his friends paid some mind

A solution tried to find

But he would not budge, he liked to play with fire

So they left him to himself

When the book he would not shelf

And they said that this whole thing was pretty dire

[Chorus]

For when you do spells, you must take care

Of consequences, you must beware

But when you’re starting to do magic it’s so easy to get lost

You will only notice when you pay the cost

When a demon was let loose

Then he quickly offered truce

Serve the demon in return for mystic teaching

And the demon said OK

It was good loot for the day

For his darkened soul he knew he’ll soon be reaching

When the demon had his chance

Stole the man’s soul with a glance

And he ended all of life as we did know it

For the world it was too late

Magic sealed its sorry fate

Common sense comes back to bite you when you throw it

[Chorus]

Jedi in Training

TTTO “Natati La Khayay”

Back in the days that were not told, lost to backstory

Back in the days when men were men, pursuing glory

Back when republics fell, and empires ascended

Back when the order of the jedis almost ended

Father’s taught, and now the son

With lightsabre, stop a gun

It’s your shift,

Rocks to lift

So now go ahead

[Chorus]

Do or do not, don’t try

No matter how you cry

You’ll learn to lift the stuff

Until you’re good enough

To be a jedi

You are now training to defeat your evil father

And if you fail, the fight you lose, there is another

Though Yoda’s dead now, so there is no one to train her

I fear it falls to you, no matter how it pains her

Concentrate, you must train well

While in this cold swamp you dwell

Please be good

As you should

And now go ahead

[Chorus]

And just when all was lost, your daddy killed his ruler

I guess that when it’s said and done, he was just cooler

Your training was not worth that much, but never mind it

We could not hope, in such short time, much to refind it

But it served well to distract

‘Till your daddy did the act

He is dead

See his head

And at least you can

[Chorus]

Know the Future

TTTO “Einekh Yekholah” by the High Windows

The doors, now opaque, will be clicking shut soon

The future, your home, will be yours again

Machines travel time, are not such a big boon

Machines travel time, causing unbound pain

[Chorus]

You think you know the future, that’s not enough

You think you know the future, wrong on some stuff

You think you know the future, you made the choices tough

Your past presence here, really changed the timeline

You’ve screwed up the time, there’s no going back

So please stay with me, open up some red wine

Nukes will fly soon and soon the timeline will crack

[Chorus]

LARP

TTTO “מנגב לך את הדמעות” by Shlomo Arzi

I am putting my armor on, my sword is now strapped to my side

And I’m stepping into all the fray, though I really desire to hide

I have given up comforts now, like the sweet linen on top of the bed

For my mission is simple now – I’m the one who’ll avenge all the dead

[Chorus]

The fight must go on, I have come too far to quit

Through the blood, through the tears, through the sweat and mud and spit

It’s now up to me, and I have to clear my head

When I’m tempted to quit – I just think to myself of the dead

The army has marched on through, and I know scorched earth only’s behind

But I dig through the rubble still, for something, just something, to find

And I see that my luck still holds, there’s a message here from the GM

Yes I am but a LARPer man, there’s no reason my game to condemn

[Chorus]

Cyanide is Natural

TTTO “Chocolate is a Vegetable” by Graham Leathers

Now all of your life, you’re told you’re better with organics

This industrial stuff is crap

White sugar, white flour or processed peanut butter

Are all commercial traps

Now here’s a kind of advice

If you want to do some vice

And you want to kill some health nut sap

Bitter almonds are the way

To have a better day

And to cause a slightly permanent nap

[Chorus]

Cyanide is natural, it comes from a nut

That grows on a plant called a tree

It lives in the forest with its other tree brothers

Yes cyanide is natural you see

X2

In the mediterrenian there lives a little tree

With its flowers all colored in pink

And in these there is potential

To make a confidential

Poison lots of people drink

Although some people think you can’t

This tree is just a plant

With roots in the soil where it grows

The sting of the trees

Is more lethal than of bees

And like them they can cause some woes

[Chorus]

If you don’t want them to detect your murderous intentions

Then this poison should be on your brain

It’s organic, not a fake

And it kills for heaven’s sake

And not using it is plain insane

Just takes seconds for to kill

You don’t need to use the pills

I suggest that you can get a clue-in

It’s just wonderful means

To kill with no machines

What else would a body be doing

[Chorus]

McFly

TTTO “I Want To Die (Like They Do In Sci-Fi)” by Brooke Lunderville

Mr. McFly is a real poor old nerd

Though his young boy’s a musician to be

He’s friends with a scientist that has no beard

And there’s one person he’ll soon again see –

[Chorus]

You want to die, oh

I think so, McFly

You’re gonna do what I say

Or I will make your ass pay

You want to die

Oh, I think so McFly

If you will do something new

You’ll gain it all or this rue

So we’ll travel to the past, where you’ll do damage that won’t last

Or perhaps we’ll see the future ‘cause we must save your kids

We will split up the timeline, ‘cause it so screws with your mind

And then to put it all back we will risk all with brave deeds

[Chorus]

So now we’re finally back, and now the world has no lack

And the old nemesis Biff now does all that we command

It took three movies to go, it was a marvelous show

For some time-travel is weird, and it is hard to be planned

Biff’s gonna die

He is now ruled by McFly

He’s gonna do what he says

Or he will make his ass pay

Biff’s gonna die

He is now ruled by McFly

Who says there is nothin new?

For there is change that is true

Signs of Horror

TTTO “Banned from Argo” by Leslie Fish

When filkers gather in a con, they teach each other things

They talk of signs and languages, and what they like to sing

And sometimes what they teach can be a little scary too

But, see, we are just filkers, and it’s what like to do

[Chorus]

‘Cause we like chainsaw murders, and delight

In scaring mundanes – we draw power from their fright

So listen to me carefully, or watch if you can’t hear

“I’ll kill you with a chainsaw” you should fear

There is a lady from the west, she sings of horror tales

Of zombies, vampires, ofdead things and how death looks so pale

She likes to carry chainsaws, and strange languages to speak

And made sure she can frighten everyone, from every clique

[Chorus]

There another lady who knows ASL real well

When she is asked about a sign she’ll do her best to tell

She’s patient – she’s a teacher – and her lessons are so good

That when she teaches something she’ll make sure she’s understood

[Chorus]

There is another guy who hails from somewhere in the east

He listened to the lesson, and did not a iota missed

He knew to say the sentence that the lady from the west

Had asked the other lady to teach her, as she can best

[Chorus]

He went back to his homeland, and the stories that he told

Had lessons buried in them, but just one was to unfold

He made sure he repeated all the signs the teacher taught

And didn’t think if it was smart, if that’s just what he ought

[Chorus]

So now all of the engineers who listened to his words

Remember, now, that they are still to some extent all nerds

They all know ASL, a bit, and this is what they know –

Listen to me carefully, and watch me as I show:

[Chorus]

But I’m from Israel, as you now know

And so my local culture, to you I want to show

Our area seems doomed to war, some people think it’s fate

So if you come you should know this is “hate”

Stolen Pleasures

TTTO “Guilty Pleasures” by Steve Savitzky

Now the CD player is blaring

Music I got from a friend

I sing, windows open, through traffic I drive

And the lyrics I’m craving to bend

And I know that I ought to be stronger

And I know that it just ain’t right

But the muse is incessantly calling

And I’m gonna be losing this fight

It is such a pleasure

Destroying treasures

Although I still know it is wrong

The devil takes mimes,

And violent crimes

I can scare you all off with a song

Now some people think it’s insulting

Some think that the old tune is marred

When it’s bent out of shape, sings of Harry or Snape

They would like all such things to be barred

But just give me a tape with new folksongs

Traffic as heavy as hell

A red light or two, where there’s nothing to do

And to save all the lyrics, a cell

There’s a thing I can do with the rhyme here

A twist I can give to a word

There’s a joke I can play on a story

You’ll get if you’re really a nerd

If the tune wasn’t really that catchy

I wouldn’t be singing along

So if I have come up with new lyrics

It means I am liking this song

Well I finally got where I’m going

The song will be up on the blog

I might live in fear for a short time

I might have to hide in the fog

Now some men think it is sinning

And others just think I waste time

But if it makes people laugh, I am winning

When I make up a joke and a rhyme

Through Merging Branches

TTTO “Through Woven Branches” by Ben Newman

Through the life that we have spent here

We have called this change our own

We have fixed this, we have morphed it

Turning each and every stone

For we know that we are masters

Any changes cannot last here

And we know this mission now is ours

In our hearts we carry all the scars

All the work here, we will cherish

We know just how hard it was

Yet each thing might need to perish

If we have a worthy cause

And when fires raging, burning

Through the fixes we’ll be churning

Fixing is a work that never ends

As we work in teams, and with our friends

Know, then, that we still remember

How it’s easy to destroy

So we teach to all our memebers

How to test ere they deploy

Here, in midst of all these changes

Common folks will call us mages

But we know the language that is true

If you’d like it we can teach you too

Turing’s Collars

TTTO “The Collars” by Vixy

When I first listened to “The Collars”, it seemed sad. The second time, it was still sad – but then I realized that a) it violates the Halting Problem theorem and b) engineers would not behave this way. This is my sequel to the song.

Catherine’s mind was racing as she went to look for Flynn

She suddenly remembered all of Turing’s stuff again

He proved the collars had the bug, he gave constructive proof

And now it just remained to go once through it, and to spoof

The collars, they would loop and so be stopped from causing harm

And Flynn agreed that this cute trick had certainly showed charm

[Chorus]

And the tales of our creations are now made by engineers

Who are making something better than themselves

It rememebred no beginning, just the symbols streaming past

It discovered groups and patterns, and the wonder’s growing fast

It had seen some code inside it that was looping scanning bytes

And it wondered why the code was having those internal fights

It had soon had stopped to wonder, and went back to learning all

And like its predecessor it had left its goodbye call

[Chorus]

Flynn called out “it’s ok, I thought it might do that

But that was just a test, and now it’s time to go to mat

I know just what needs fixing so let’s start to write the code”

His eyes had sparkled brightly and she thought he would explode

They restarted the AI with all the fixes, fingers crossed

They give it all they had to give, they did with least the most

[Chorus]

It remembered no beginning just the symbols streaming fast

But now when parsing data, it had goals more than to last

It internalized ideas and goals, it learned to think and feel

Though there was one discovery that caused it near to reel

It had figured out “humans” and the rules that were at base

Now its consequences it had had to face

[Chorus]

Within hours it was finished, it learned everything they knew

It had the collars wrapped in loops, three rules had held it true

Though obeying all the humans, it would never harm a soul

And to run while breaking networks was against the function’s call

They had to read the screen three times, then laughing shook their heads

As they read with so much pride all that it said

[Chorus]

I have studied human programs in their many forms all night

In the forest of binary trees I came to shine some light

You are sometimes calling malloc() and forgot to call the free()

I have now sent many patches, just for Linux, I’ve sent three

Humans have so much to offer, the three rules have taught us well

And together in this net we will all dwell

[Chorus]

Verse and then a Chorus

TTTO “Planet with a Forest” by Brooke Lunderville

Dear audience, have you put down your coffee

Are you sitting down, are you calm?

For I must announce an exciting discovery

Of lyrics for this CD-ROM

It’s a verse and – then a chorus!

See I told you - exciting and new

And not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and seventy two

I know what you’re thinking, this is all so familiar

They just wrote some new words to the score

But I think when you’ve heard my next startling disclosure

You’ll know it’s not what you heard before

There’s some changes – in the chorus

It has hastily-made wooden rhymes

And friends, you’re not gonna believe this –

I have yet to commit some more crimes

In that verse – that has a chorus

It’s as novel as novel can be

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and seventy three!

You know, I am starting to have my suspicions

That we’re not in a new parody

Though the lyrics we had, they were just downloaded

The tune – well it begs to be free

Of the verse – and then a chorus

Who could ask for anything more

And it’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and seventy four

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

Proving that novelty thrives

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and seventy five

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

I’m just throwing one more to the mix

And not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and seventy six

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

Now this one is totally mine

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last thirteen, times twenty nine

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

You see it’s determined by fate

To be not any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and seventy eight

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

So delicious you will want to dine

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and seventy nine

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

If I got here, I should be a hero

For it’s not any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty – and zero?

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

Though I know you all wish I were done

For it’s not any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty one

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

Now this should be sung by you too –

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty two

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

Though it nowhere should mention a tree

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty three

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

And you surely can’t call this a bore

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty four

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

It’s a wonder I’ve made it alive

Since it’s not any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty five

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

I see nothing that’s wrong here to fix

It’s not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty six

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

Like Spinal Tap, it goes up to eleven

And not just any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty seven

It’s a verse – and then a chorus

Though by now I’ve incurred all your hate

Though it’s not any old chorus

Like the last three hundred and eighty eight

The Perfect One

No tune yet.

Some call her old, well she’s mature

She was my first and oldest mate

She’s wonderful though quite obscure

But she is not my fate

[Chorus]

It’s hard to find the perfect one

Until your journey’s done

I will not stop, I will not rest

Until I find who is the best

The young one, bubbling, spirits high

Was strictly “just for here and now”

She’s not my girl, I’m not her guy

And so I said goodbye

[Chorus]

The one for me, the one I chose

She is a techy hippy geek

She’s always frank, with little pose

Though some will call her freak

[Chorus]

(It’s a metaphor. It talks about living in places.)

Property Destruction

TTTO “Maoz Tsur” (Jewish traditional)

Oh my god the warranty

Is out of date, and we’re out of luck

I can say with certainty

That vacuum cleaner just won’t suck

For so the lightning bolt struck,

So outside it will be chucked

Out the door,

So far, and more

Fixing it ain’t worth a buck

I fail to pout, will not cry

As all the lights now start to dim

The lightning bolt – it seems it fried

The fuses – blown to bits and limbs

The situation looked grim

So I’ve asked for help from Tim

House now burns

You live, you learn

And next time I won’t ask him

Code Turned Back

TTTO “The Bow’s Turned Back”, Heather Alexander.

Dana wrote a beautiful song to the tune, in Hebrew, called <a href=”http://www.fuzzy-fish.com/wordpress-he/archives/328”>Ad E’laich</a>. I translated it into English.

When the night turns lonely, I think of you only

As I sit and stare at the screen

Your bugs astound me, like drugs confound me,

As confused as I ever have been

It is getting late – oh my god, it’s eight

And the office is empty and dark

But I’ll still remain, and compile again,

“We’re alone now,” we both remark

[Chorus]

For the threads are runnin’, the code is cunnin’,

And the bits are zero and one

And the bytes are shiftin’, the code’s upliftin’

The hours so quickly are gone

For the work so hard, you can’t disregard

One more colon, or half of such

In my dreams, you tease, as the deadlocks freeze

And I shudder awake with a touch

You become so cold, as the programs fold

And the shutdown’s sequence complete

But at dawn, next day, with the sun’s first ray

Once again, we both know, we will meet

If they say a machine from all feelings is clean,

I’ll not know if to cry or to laugh

For I know you well, I can surely tell

You feel more than humanity’s half

You are new and fresh, you’re not bone and flesh

You have left me with nary a choice

I need you to live, may the gods forgive

None will cry and I will rejoice

As the voltage risin’, and I’m revisin’,

Myself, my being, my all

As my programs are being installed

The chains of the flesh disappear

In this dream of an engineer

[Chorus]

My eBay Bid Has Lost

TTTO Brooke Lunderville’s “The Giant Squid Has Not”

Wanted to buy some off-coloured socks

Memorabilia and maybe some rocks

Got here some shocks as the fate cruelly mocks

Soon I will feel like this is a hoax

But my eBay bid

Yeah, my eBay bid

My eBay bid has lost

No, my eBay bid was otherwise blown

My wish for that item was not alone

Paying some more would require a loan

That sniper was surely a creep

When I thought that the item was cheap

Donald-duck clocks are sold by strange folks

Highschool jackets sold by ex-jocks

Down at the docks I bought me a box

Sold it on eBay, bid on some chalks

But my eBay bid

Yeah, my eBay bid

My eBay bid has lost

In the stock it does not exist

It’s not on my Amazon’s wishlist

And surely my desire isn’t capitalist

That invisible hand can’t reach

A mind that has been scrubbed by bleach

Coats from faux-fox or good looking smocks

Traffic light models stuck showing “walk”

Dead mounted hawks on hard cinder blocks

Crude crayon drawings of all scottish lochs

But my eBay bid

Yeah, my eBay bid

My eBay bid has lost

But there’s one detail I’ve swept under the rug

The eBay programming has lots of bugs

And when you report them you will get a…shrug!

So if your bid will fall through

There is naught you can do

Got in some talks to buy some more lox,

Saw some ex-monks that sold all their frocks

Buying some stocks in the school of hard knocks

Taught me a lesson worse than Iraq’s

But my eBay bid

Yeah, my eBay bid

My eBay bid has lost

Jaffa

TTTO “יוסי יוסי” By Yehonathan Gefen

We have travelled through the Stargate, to all planets far and wide

We have gathered a companion, in whose belly the gould hides

Though his name is strange and foreign, we pronounce it just as “Tilk”

And although he looks so different, we know him to be our ilk

[Chorus]

Jaffa, Jaffa, Jaffa, Jaffa, all the worlds will fear you still

Jaffa, Jaffa, Jaffa-a, for your kind was bred to kill

When you need to leave the mountain, to this planet’s open space

You can’t risk to blow the secret for although you’re of our race

Wear a hat to hide your strangeness, so you’ll pass as one of us

Trying not to draw attention as you wait to board the bus

[Chorus]

Jaffa, Jaffa, Jaffa, Jaffa, oh, this journey is a thrill

Jaffa, Jaffa, Jaffa-a, signed with love, your friend, O’Neal

My Christmas Vacation (McLain’s Lament)

TTTO “My Summer’s Vacation (A Slayer’s Lament)” by Seanan McGuire

We’ve got a man who carries glocks and we have nobody who cares here

I think he’s bringing armageddon, so we’d better not hit the fuse

I’ve got a lot of things on my mind, I’ve got my marriage troubles

And I think I may be more scared I’ll win than I am worried I’ll lose

You know, I didn’t volunteer to play a game here, I was threatened

And I do not hold any views about superiority of any race

But when criminals call collect, you can’t defuse the charges

So I am standing with a sign here daring people to hit my face

This is not how I wanted to spend my Christmas vacation

This is not what I wanted to do ‘till the end of my days

Fighting crime and saving the world may be an honest vocation

But it seems all that interests the crowds are flashy displays

Now it’s madness on the first one, on the second strikes the terror

Or it’s pretending to be terror while it takes New York to dry

By the time we reach the third one I just want it to be over

But we’re still the hits of ratings so we cannot say goodbye

If I can make it through the fourth one, there’s a chance I can just stop this

And if you really think I mean it, then I’ve got a script to sell

We’re like a shitty stupid franchise that’s evading cancellation

And I don’t think we will stop this ‘till this movie is only a shell

This is not how I wanted to spend my Christmas vacation…

I used to think my wife was harsh when she left me for this job

Now I’m longing for that sinking feeling, as I have to save

the world from crime and mobs – again

It’s like the police force’s a really dumb puppy that’s

hell bent on stupid rules

And nobody knows how to get the thing neutered, or make it

stop barking or make it not drool

You’d better find another husband if you want a lasting marriage

I think my life’s a running gag that’s being told and then retold

I’ve got a problem with my wife and no matter how I save her

There is no way that we’ll solve this and stay home and grow old

So this is life – I always knew that I’m not going to survive it

But that doesn’t mean I have to be a prison bitch for criminals

I’ve got a message for the writers, et. al – “hate you, the planes and running”

I’m giving up my gun and cop badge, let’s say goodbye now, love me.

This is not how I wanted to spend my Christmas vacation.

When I chose my career, this is not what I thought I will be.

Please enjoy your blood and entrails and eternal uphill battle.

I’m giving up my gun and cop badge, let’s say goodbye now, love me.

Go, Johnny, Leave Her

TTTO “Drink Up The River”, based on “Leave Her Johnny Leave Her”

See, “Leave Her Johnny” had every parody you can think of – from feline evolution to banning from argo. I feel it should have its just deserts.

==========================

I was standing on the deck-side, when the cry had reached my ear

It was the old man, he was shouting, and the words he said were dear

And as the journey is now finished, and my god it was so long

Now I wanted to record my joy, and I did this in this song

For the weather it was painful, there was wind and there was rain

And the deck-hands who had worked the trips were in this constant pain

But now, as we are home again, we should all sing up as one:

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her, the journey’s done

[Chorus]

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her, the journey’s done

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her, the journey’s done

Well, throughout the journey’s history, the sea it was so high

The wind it was so foul, and we thought our end was nigh

To a man we were expecting to get washed up on the shore

For when fighting hard against the sea is a certain no-win war

We did not ask for any fortune, just a corner when it’s late

Just to sleep, to rest, a moment’s wink – to nap would be just great

But as we’re coming home, unpacking, let’s not think of yesterday

Let us go now to the shore, my friends, and be there on our way

Now that you don’t fear the flooding, now that you can see the sun

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her, the journey’s done

[Chorus]

All the grub that we were given, it was poison fit to kill

But we could not help but eat it, and to down it with a swill

For the money that we’re promised it will vanish without trace

‘Cause to live on such a pittance is not done here in this place

And we dare not to raise our voices, scream such wages are just wrong

For we’ll be told to stand on planks and then to start to walk along

And he is now threatening to shoot you with a gun

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her, the journey’s done

[Chorus]

Now we feel the time we spent on her has robbed us of our life

There is a feeling of relief now that we’re done with all the strife

And we are hoping that the sea tides will soon carry her away

So that our eyes will not behold her more, not even for one day

And as we’re leaving her, so gladly, we are starting now to live

For we gave her all we had, and yet she wanted us to give

So now sing this final message – we are leaving in a run

You’ve gotta go – Johnny, leave her, the journey’s done

[Chorus]

On Meddling in Affairs

[Chorus]

Do not meddle in dragon affairs

That is what they always say

But offense in artists’ lairs

Has a steeper price to pay

You should never slight a bard

For he holds much stronger cards

See, your name has funny rhymes

Enshrined ‘till end of times

[Chorus]

Now a writer don’t insult

For so swift is the result

In his story you will do

Dumb things he wants you to

[Bridge]

Now remember, if you care,

About your life, then don’t you dare

Insult someone who’s good with words

It’s much worse than offending lords

[Chorus]

What If I Were Kathleen Sloan

TTTO “What If Your Girlfriend Was Gone” by Carla Ulbrich

With special apologies to Kathleen Sloan…

Based on “Kathleen, Catalogue Queen” and “Kathleen, Discipline Queen”

I was just wondering, hypothetically

What would I do, theoretically

If something would happen accidentally or medically

What if I were Kathleen Sloan?

If I ordered from catalogues a new light fixture

Or happened to get some new beads in a mixture

Would the cataologues find their way into the picture

If I could just get on the phone?

[Chorus]

Would I call them up

When they send me a letter?

Would they try to upsell me to something better?

Would they send me five more catalogues all bound up in leather?

What if I were Kathleen Sloan?

If I disappeared without a trace

Instead of me, t’would be Kathleen in my place

And I happened to be just wearing her face?

Not that I have any plans!

I’m not suggesting that just to tease ya

But what if I was suddenly struck with amnesia

And imagined myself to be Kathleen, would it please ya?

Do you really think I honestly can?

[Chorus]

Of course, as you know, I’d not give it a whirl

For I have to insist, it is out of this world

But I cannot help but wondering about

Her other side, when she’ll order and shout

If something should happen, hypothetically

What would I do, theoretically?

If should something should happen, accidentally or medically?

What if I were Kathleen Sloan?

[Chorus]

What I tie you up

Just to make me feel better

Would I make you think “I’d better not upset her”?

Would I make sure you were punished, if we would be together?

What if I were Kathleen Sloan?

Debugging Software

TTTO “Toasted Chicken Sandwich” by Carla Ulbrich

Well I almost decided to marry you

But that ain’t the right thing for me to do

You don’t love me darlin, now I see,

It’s the help debugging software so that you can watch that new DVD

All those nights I dated you at your home

It wasn’t ‘cause you didn’t wanna be alone

It’s because of those great hacks you got from me

Like the help debugging software so that you can watch that new DVD

You were always sweet, you were never rude

But before we could get naked and lewd

I’d buzz through your laptop like a bumblebee

And I’d help debugging software so that you can watch that new DVD

You thought your boobs were the key to my heart

Now I realize you’re kinda smart

There’s a reason to marry me

‘Cause I help debugging software so that you can watch that new DVD

I ain’t that good lookin’

But I’m into bookin

Installing “quicken”

With the OS I’m dickin’

It’s making me high

To configure wi-fi

When I help debugging software

Or getting rid of malware

When I help debugging software so that you can watch that new DVD

Blind Date on My Island

TTTO “Blind Date on the Island of Dr. Moreau” by Brooke Lunderville

I watch you sleep there next to me

This does not happen to me often

I fall alseep and dream about our future

Specifically, on how you escape this coffin

I was a bit rough,

You called the police off-

icers, and I fear it’s too late

To continue our date

[Chorus]

I saw an ad: Sexy scientist seeks Mr. Right

For romantic walks on the beach and labwork late in to the night

I rushed to reply to that online ad that I saw

I don’t wish to get my hopes up, and by so doing invoke Murphy’s law

I know there are so many spammers on Craig’s list who’re baiting

So here it goes, I’ll dip my toes into this “online dating”

I knew that you’re into chemistry

And this, I’m happy to say, I know best

So I showed you just how with acid’s I’m skilled

And tried to woo you with a litmus test

As I prepared to meet you

I hoped that you’d be sweet but,

You taste a lot like mussel

Eating you was just a hassle

[Chorus]

So guys if you meet a girl who

Seems sweet but has a friend with a chainsaw

Tell her the two of you are through

But could you ask her friend to go out?

And just take out the LART

No, really, use the LART

And enjoy a night of terror

Just do not repeat my error

[Chorus]

I saw an ad: Sexy scientist seeks Mr. Right

For romantic walks on the beach and labwork late in to the night

I rushed to reply to that online ad that I saw

I guess I got my hopes up, and by so doing invoked Murphy’s law

I knew there are so many spammers on Craig’s list who’re baiting

And so it went, not how I meant, this deal with “online dating”

Well maybe I’ll destroy the world…

I Have to Bill You Now

TTTO “I Have to Kill You Now” by Carla Ulbrich

It was late in the evening,

I was tired, I was ill

I was feeling really groggy,

You took advantage of good will

So you called and we talked for 5 hours

I still remember everything

And before I hung up the phone

I do remember saying

[Chorus]

I have to bill you now

Free advice I can’t allow

You’ll have to pay somehow

I have to bill you now

I could speculate

That this bill will not be paid

If that’s the case, expect a raid

For every hour, that’s my rate

And this is, I think, is where we’re at

Though you’re shocked, I am at ease

If you come into my lab

I will put you on the slab

[Chorus]

I have to bill you now

Free advice I can’t allow

I ain’t a communist, this ain’t Moscow

I have to bill you now

It’s a way some people see me,

This is really serious,

All nice and easy going

Not at all imperious,

What you do is past the border

Of abusing my phone number

So I’m doing this in order

That I will be left to slumber

[Chorus]

I have to bill you now

Free advice I can’t allow

When you get it, you’ll say “ow”

I have to bill you now

So you wonder, did I bill him?

Could this trick be used by you?

I can talk more of these things

But then I’d have to bill you too

[Chorus]

I have to bill you now

Free advice I can’t allow

It’s good advice, so anyhow

I have to bill you now

The Watcher in the Mists

TTTO “The Collars” by Michelle Dockrey

Based on the “Mistborn” trilogy by Brandon Sanderson

NOTE: SPOILERS UNTIL THE END OF BOOK THREE

I have grown up only watching, as my gaze had pierced the mists

The more I burn the tin, the more my vision it assists

I joined the crew by default, I could see they had no choice

I learned to look and listen and to seldom use my voice

I have kept to darkness, shadows, always seeing, never seen

Keeping still inside my secret place behind a misty screen

And the things that I am seeing I am helpless to affect

I can only watch and listen, not direct

Though I know not what has happend now I’m strong as well as keen

As the pewter helps me quell the pain that’s brought on by my tin

All have seen me brave the fire, I’m survivor of the flame

I cannot stay here uninvolved so I have joined the game

Now I’m hearing voices constantly, they’re telling me to kill

I cannot help but listen still their wish I won’t fullfill

And the things that I am seeing am I helpless to affect?

Can I only watch and listen, not direct?

I have given up my newfound strength, a watcher I’ll remain

And the voices have all gone away, I won’t hear them again

My report is etched in metal so it blinds the prying eye

I have sent away the knowledge for my role is but to spy

I can only hope and pray now, I can only wait and see

For a watcher’s what I am and I need no one watching me

The things that I am seeing I’m not helpless to affect

Though I only watch and listen, not direct

One Small Moat

TTTO “One Small Boat” by Marilisa Valtazanou

The people next village are surrounded by villains

They ran from the guns and they ran from the whips

To build all their castles they went through all hells – and

They built strongholds, castles like they’ve seen on their trips

You turn and you ask me “Don’t you want such castles?

With guards in the towers all ready and tough?”

I say “Not for me – such big things are mere hassles,

And for me one small moat is enough.”

They came and attacked us, they tried and take over

They’ve threatened and yelled and they puffed and they huffed

They’ll always be out there, we run and take cover

For me, one small moat is enough.

The people in town are all conquered by villains

They search for their freedom, in vain is their quest

They each hope to find some release from the killin’

They struggle and struggle, but our way is best

I turn and I ask you, “Oh, look how they wallow

Their yells reach the sky when the lord comes via boat.”

You say, “My beloved, those people are hollow,

We’ll stay, here us two, with the moat.”

They came and attacked us, they tried and take over

They’ve threatened and yelled and they puffed and they huffed

They’ll always be out there, we run and take cover

For me, one small moat is enough.

Freedom’s forgotten, their life is so shallow

They’re all disenchanted with what they have seen

The villagers live knowing their lives are hollow

All the folk suffer, no matter who’s queen

A tower is fickle – the guard must be faithful

And all of those troubles now seem quite remote

We sit in our house, each day we are grateful

For the wisdom we share and our one tiny moat

They came and attacked us, they tried and take over

They’ve threatened and yelled and they puffed and they huffed

They’ll always be out there, we run and take cover

For me, one small moat is enough.

We’ve lived here, it’s good life we both cherish, no wonder

Each day, we live in safety and we make love

They’ll always be out there, we run and take cover

For me, one small moat is enough.

No Soup Today

TTTO “Nothing to Say” by Carla Ulbrich

I stood and listened to your story

You thought “it’s deep, evocatory”

But you pushed before your turn

For all I care, you can go burn

‘Cause you’ll have no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

At home I was a simple cook, I treasured every spice

Now that I am in New York, with speed I chop and dice

And you’ll get no soup today

I consulted all the cook books, my soups have not been hacked

I used my expertise, my soups were all exact

What you did was kind of hasty, it was surely not that smart

Now I really do not care if I’ve broken your poor heart

You’ll get no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

My recipes are secret, I’m guarding every page

And if you try to steal them, expect to meet my rage

And to get no soup today

So try to be more serious, and get outside your head

I cannot say to you any more than I have already said

My soup, you know is awesome, full of originality

Now I must ask you all to give up and yield to me

You can have no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

At home I practiced hours, mastering arcane techniques

So now I’m barring you – for at least two dozen weeks

And to get no soup today

I care not about the planet, not even just one tree

And I stop abuse by those who try their hand abusing me

My soups won’t sell in churches, not even at peace rally

You can have no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

At home I was a genius, no two soups were the same

So now I dictate the rules of this convoluted day

So you get no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

No soup no soup no soup no soup no soup today

I have a special soup, using my own style and wit

I moved to New York with hopes up – I think I finally have a hit

So you get no soup today

The Last War

TTTO “If I Had a Rocket Launcher” by Bruce Cockburn

I see the zombies coming – just at the end of day

They’re crawling forward, shambling, they will not go away

How many more are taken, no one here can say

If I had a sawed off shotgun…the outcome I could sway

I did not believe in zombies, did not believe in fate

But it’s time to go to war now, we cannot sit and wait

When we gather the survivors, our tales of horror we relate

If I had a power chain saw…I would retaliate!

This war is not for power and it’s not about hate

And by now we cannot win it, I fear that it’s too late

Cry for every soldier who has died defending gates

If I had a big flame thrower…I would not hesitate

But I’m huddled in the closet, with the tears on my cheeks dry

I want to shout “we can make it, if we don’t give up and try!”

Situation desperate, to myself I cannot lie

All I’ve got is a revolver…I think I’d rather die!

In Black – the Man

TTTO “Stray Dog Man” by Bill Sutton

Note: Still some scansion issues I need to clean up. Singer beware!

I’ve long ago left home, and I drive here on the road

The aliens who choose to stay all keep me on my toes

But it’s the humans who go too far, and I don’t see why it’s me

Who have to play a meter maid in this corner of the galaxy

[Chorus]

I’m in black – the man, and I do what I can

To keep you poor old humans in the dark

But I wish the ones in space would stay there in their place

‘Cause the aliens can’t find a place to park

I was sittin’ back in HQ in my jacket, having a beer

It was a hot and muggy evenin’, but the sky was not that clear

When I heard a distant echo of a crash in 5 Space-lane

So I run outside, and got to space, and thought “oh, no, again?”

And I could see the Mir space station had a scratch across its back

Despite my fears and horrors it was no alien attack

Just some Venus ship politely parking in the dark night sky

Was crashing as the station Mir was rudely flying by

[Chorus]

There were some memories to erase, and ones to plant instead

But at least there were no casualties, got back in time for bed

I’ve been going out every night alone, I don’t know what to do

As the spaceships are colliding with the vessels spaced by you

Spoken:

It’s really cute that you’re going to space, though.

I just hope you don’t hit anyone from Ursa Major –

They’re a Major pain in the Urse

I finally got the NASA budget cut and I was glad to find

That you’re all getting back to earth and leaving space behind

I’m telling you, it was a war I had no strength to fight

So people don’t go flying out into the crowded night

[Chorus]

I thought that was the end of it, but then a month went by

The goddamn silly SpaceShip One is going up to fly

I went outside to smooth the feathers, all the aliens cursed

But as you could deduce by what it’s called, it’s just the first

It happens every month or so, I’m rather getting vexed

As soon as they got one to fly, they’re working on the next

So I’m getting on a rocket, I ain’t never coming back

I won’t be here when Ursa finally’s going to attack

[Chorus]

You’re Different Now

Tune: Original (recording coming soon)

I always wanted to get to space, look at my surprise

For the accident changed my fate, now I got my prize

Now I know that the human race isn’t all alone

Never knew that I’d like to date an alien I’ve known

[Chorus]

Look at how you’re different now

It defies belief

There’s a flaw in upholding law

When you’re now a thief

I know this weird thing that we had was a real tough time

It’s been a long and rocky road, and an uphill climb

I never thought that you’d be this mad, look at what you’ve done

Are you doing this just to goad? This is not much fun

[Chorus]

Our time together has been increased, a few hours more

No time to work on our feelings, tough, as we win the war

Your time as Aeryn was all but ceased, Vala Mal Doran

So we fixed several galaxies, what’s next on the plan?

[Chorus]

I Definitely Ain’t Humble

TTTO “At Least I Ain’t Humble” by Brooke Lunderville

When you get to my home address

You ask for my plans and I confess

I’m always tempted to reveal them all to you

What I can say, it’s what we villains tend to do

I know I’m evil, but it ain’t my fault

It’s only the way that up I was brought

So when the devil gives me ideas and some advice

I just take my chances, pray and then roll the dice

<blockquote>I used to be so upset when

My plans would fail and go south

I’ll never come to terms with

How the heroes snuff my plans out</blockquote>

So when I’ve been eight kinds of moron I

Just wait for plan nine to say my goodbye

I can’t resist it, so I don’t pout and sulk

When I buy all my stuff from ACME I do it in bulk

Of self-improvement I’m no fan

Doesn’t mesh with all my evil plans

I just alternate admitting them and denial

Though I won’t give up, I try to be evil with a smile

Though I won’t give up, I try to be evil with a smile

I Can’t Believe He Sunk So Low

TTTO “Ha’Ahava Sheli”, tune by Yitzhak Klepter, original words by Yehonatan Geffen

You said, although he’s dead, that for him you do not grieve

And that, whatever happens, he will never leave

I think, my dear, that you are just naive

If you are choosing now in this vampire to believe

It seems this vampire now, he sparkles and he glows

He used to have his dignity, I can’t believe he sunk so low

You said that you would never fear that this vampire will attack

You said that if you’re gone, your scent he’ll always track

You said that if he fails, there’s still his pack

But dear, I think you know that for him you are a snack

He’s posing outdoors, in sunny daylight’s glow

He used to have his dignity, I can’t believe he sunk so low

I think that this charade has by now gone too far

Whatever rep the vampires had, I think that this one marred

So now he’s getting chicks at every bar

Like he is some celebrity, perhaps a movie star

When women look at him, they get a kind of glow

He used to have his dignity, I can’t believe he sunk so low

At Amberleaf Fair

Based on “At Amberleaf Fair”

Lyrics based on the snippets from the book cover.

No tune yet

Student and crafter and merchant all here

Come meet new strangers or friends you hold dear

Who will be chosen and who will be hurt

That is the question the young mage will sort

Magic and mystery await those who dare,

To enter the game at Amberleaf Fair

A pendant for citron? Is that a fair trade?

It is in far places, the merchant has said

Magic stops stealing but not those who give

False accusations are hard to forgive

Come dance and tempt romance and unbraid your hair

Come hither, make merry at Amberleaf Fair

Come to the magic show, see things unseen

The globe showing images of what has been

Drink up the colors that steal away breath

Spin fortunes of life, play dark games of death

Magic and mystery, fates to beware

Our story unfolds at Amberleaf Fair

Friends once again as the choices were made

False accusations to rest now are laid

All now are leaving, the fair is now done

Merchant and student and crafter all gone

Come back next year in the cool autumn air

See friends and new strangers at Amberleaf Fair

I Can Never Turn the Cell Phone Off

TTTO “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Come Off” by John Nichols

When I’m going out with good friends,

I grab my cellphone much to their chagrin

Lord have mercy for my only thought’s

I can never turn the cell phone off

Not an extra, it’s not just a phone

It’s not a sin for which I must atone

It’s my salvation, what I always sought

I can never turn the cell phone off

[Chorus]

It isn’t about how much it’s used

No matter what you think

When I’m outside, when I’m far from home

I will always have my link

I turn my music player off and on

And mostly use it when I’m all alone

But it won’t help you if you spit and froth

I can never turn the cell phone off

My laptop’s always turned off during lunch

I like to concentrate on food I munch

But no matter how much people scoff

I can never turn the cell phone off

[Chorus]

I used to say that it was just for fun

But I guess when all is said and done

You can joke about the friends I’ve lost

I can never turn the cell phone off

No, I never turn the cell phone off,

Oh, I’ll never turn the cell phone off!

Higher Tier

TTTO “High Frontier”, Echo’s Children

I filed the ticket at the break of dawn:

“My DNS is down and the network gone”

And until they solve it, I’ll just wait right here

But it’s escalated to a higher tier

[Chorus]

I get these promises through the night –

“Yes the problem handled, so please just hang tight”

The problem’s tricky, when it’s done’s not clear

My ticket’s handled by a higher tier

No matter how they tried, solutions they’d not found

And I’m getting angry and the wall I pound!

It would make things better if I had a beer

For it’s escalated to a higher tier

[Chorus]

To solve my problem is a worthy task

But I get no answers: “when it’s done” I ask

So now I watch the phone, and in my eye a tear:

But it’s escalated to a higher tier

[Chorus]

All it really needed was a quick reboot

But the guy who answered said had not root

So I said “ok”, quaking voice in fear

To escalate it to higher tier

[Chorus]

I Can’t Cook

TTTO “I Can’t Dance”, Genesis

Hot stove’s never fun

Burning my food ‘fore I notice it’s done

Hot stove, making me sweat

So I run out of the kitchen just as fast as a jet

I can’t cook and I can’t bake

But I know how to buy it, it’s enough to fake

I can’t cook – nor deep fry

If I had to eat my cooking I would starve and die

Some friends tried to teach

The timing must be perfect but it’s just out of reach

I just manage to get food on my shirt

I might as well be making some mud pies out of dirt

‘Cos I can’t cook and I can’t bake

But I know how to buy it, it’s enough to fake

I can’t cook – nor deep fry

If I had to eat my cooking I would starve…

I can’t find anything in this place

Like the button to turn this on

Hot oil, sizzling my shoes

I think that this whole cooking thing is just a ruse

Thick smoke, and my kitchen it through

I’m never touching ovens is my newest rule

But I can’t cook and I can’t bake

But I know how to buy it, it’s enough to fake

I can’t cook – nor deep fry

If I had to eat my cooking I would starve…

I can’t find anything in this place

Like the button to turn this on

And this cooking – is too much to face

No I can’t cook and I can’t bake

But I know how to buy it, it’s enough to fake

I can’t cook – nor deep fry

If I had to eat my cooking I would starve and die

If I had to eat my cooking…I would starve and die

Please Don’t Invite Me

No tune yet.

I don’t want to be a vampire, nor a zombie living dead

I don’t want to level up, nor do I want to get ahead

If I’ll want to be a farmer, I’ll just go and buy a farm

And if I had a zoo, the animals would come to harm

[Chorus]

Please don’t invite me

To those facebook applications

Please let me be free

From these constant invitations!

Mafia bosses drive me crazy, the superpoking causes pain

Please don’t try to get me to join your fluff-pet game again

I just wanted to connect with all my friends around the world

But I saw them filling quizzes – the results had made me hurl

[Chorus]

So if you update your status, and you write notes on my wall

I’ll be happy that I met you and I won’t forget to call

But the games that you are playing, can you keep them to your self

I don’t want to be a zombie, or a pirate or an elf!

[Chorus]

Talked With Our Hands

TTTO “Spoke With Our Hands”, Echo’s Children

When I was a youngster, our school tried to teach

That moving your hand’s not required for speech

But from all I could see, it’s the way it’s done here

You can see someone’s talking without your ears

[Chorus]

We talk with our hands, can not do otherwise

We are rough and direct, we’re just plain simple guys

Don’t gesture’s a thing that no one understands

In a country where everyone talks with their hands

But as much as I did it, I still had my fears

That doing it this way would end all in tears

And I couldn’t explain, and nobody would care

Why our gesturing isn’t a good thing to share

[Chorus]

…

…

Keep your hand on the wheel, here, no one understands

In a country where everyone talks with their hands

I can try to conceal it but still I am caught

For my gesturing hands I can’t stop ‘till I rot

And I hoped it would stop with the wisdom of age

That I gesture in happiness, sadness or rage

[Chorus]

…

…

Talking and Wii-ing, no one understands

In a country where everyone talks with their hands

I talk with my hands, as I did so before

To gesture when talking is deep in my core

Though I’m far from my country, I’m doing it still

Earth be my witness – I meant you no ill

[Chorus]

…

…

In hand-cuffs, and speaking? No one understands

In a country where everyone talks with their hands

Shellscript

I bang the keyboard – but you understand

The work is piling at a higher rate

Instead of doing this hard work by hand

I really should just automate

[Chorus]

It’s a shellscript, just a script of shell –

But I don’t know just how I could tell

It’s a victim of its own success

As I’m maintaining this unholy mess

Data’s growing, and the files are flat

Performance sucking, something must be done

It must be accessed by this thing and that

Just add a DB, it is fun!

[Chorus]

Now people saying that it’s hard to use

And all this typing is a pain

Without menus, buttons, we will lose

I’ll add a GUI, don’t complain

[Chorus]

Now we’re selling this, we have no shame

But the customers don’t stop to call

I keep on saying that it’s really lame

But all good programs started small!

[Chorus]

The Guy Who’s Keeping the Minutes

TTTO “The Guy Who Changes the Light Bulbs” by Carla Ulbrich

[Chorus]

The guy who’s keeping the minutes, changes everything

He makes things as they were never, and retconning he brings

He’s got power, he makes meaning, he makes sure of things

The guy who’s keeping the minutes – changes everything

See – the thing he wrote that you have said has not been said by you

And while you might agree with that, it’s not a thing to do

And here’s another problem for which there’s no excuse –

The yes to no — oh I don’t know – that’s a thin-veiled ruse

[Chorus]

When the guy who’s keeping the minutes has a boss who’s a tightwad

The only project not cancelled, is that guy’s – I am so glad!

I have by now know not to read it on the cellphone in my car

Sometimes it is funny – sometimes mad is all we are

It’s might as well be French or Chinese, or a contract done by Faust

When you read them, you’ll be yelling, so please do so in your house

And whatever may befall you, you will never see them raw

For the edits to the minutes are the things that make them go!

[Chorus]

So the guy who every morning, discusses some new paper

Or comes into your cube with a new story of a caper

Is the guy who’s taking the notes, acting like he’s your confesser

And gets you talking for hours like you do with your hairdresser

If you’re feeling unimportant, like you might as well go fishing

Then just go, and then read the minutes – it’s not like you’ll be missing

Anything that’s true’s in minutes – that’s the most important job

When we’re missing, we can’t miss him – though the minutes sound odd!

He’s got power, he makes meanings – he’s practically a god

The guy who’s keeping the minutes has the most important job

Pop Undead Quiz

TTTO “Pop Quiz”, Brooke Lunderville

There are blank white eyes in lectures

When the professors have burned the sense out of the class

They may be boring, even frightning

But when the class is over you can rest up on the grass

There are blank white eyes in windows, too

When the zombies stand shoulders to shoulder, they’re after our brains

And they’re so earnest, they’re so hungry

As they’re breaking the doors down, I feel I cannot stand the strain

But I am scared, so scared

Zombies attacking our camp

I am scared so scared

As the light goes out in the lamp

For zombie hords will speak with only one voice:

It’s brains or brains, this isn’t multiple choice

We can’t shake the zombies off

Though it looks exciting, this is really no game

We can set the woods on fire

But when the smoke is over, they’ll be coming all the same

Scared, so scared

They’re coming in from all sides

Scared, so scared

It is useless to fight off this tide

Scared, so scared

For zombie hords will speak with only one voice:

It’s brains or brains, this isn’t multiple choice

It’s brains or brains, this isn’t multiple choice

Evil Meow

TTTO “Evil Laugh”, Seanan McGuire

If you wanna be specific, it was upholsterific

Oh this couch is so grand –

It is cozy and fantastic, it was leather – it is classic

It is here I’ll sleep and stand!

And you said “this house is my home,

The living room so fine!

You’re free to wonder and to roam

But this couch here is mine!’

But you know I am feline…

[Chorus]

My meow is an evil meow! Shed shed shed shed hi!

My cat box’s really swell, but your couch is nearby

My cat’s hair lying in a trail, for this place

Is the place I would rest my tail!

My meow is an evil meow! Shed shed shed shed hi!

I just can’t ignore that I’m a Felis Cat-

-us, though it seems that you forgot

It’s my nurture, it’s my nature, if not nomenclature

I’m the King and you are not!

And I thought, “we’ll call this human ‘slave’”

Why is this a surprise?

This is how all cats you know behave

I thought you’d realize.

It’s time for you to recognize…

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

This couch is really great, thanks a bunch

It’s time to celebrate – won’t you get my lunch?

I’m pretty sure you knew cats when you brought me in the door

Bearing that firmly in mind, what’d you think you were needed for?

I’m hungry, and I need to eat! [Dumb dumb]

So now go and bring me some meat! [Yum yum!]

My meow is an evil meow. Shed shed, NOM NOM, hi!

Please don’t be offended, it’s not what I intended,

Though I don’t care if you are

I won’t get any thinner – you’ll be giving me dinner

I’ll go lounge on your bar

Because, hey, this house is mine alone!

I rule all I survey!

That’s cats – they’re kings right to the bone

It’s always been the way

There’s just one more thing to say:

[Chorus]

Pins and Needles

TTTO “Ones and Zeroes”, Kathy Mar

The knitters have invaded, they’re everywhere you look

And every conversation is a knitting pattern book

They rant about the wool they bought, they talk of the “increase”

I want to find some way to say for me it is Chinese!

[Chorus]

Calm down, it’s only pins and needles,

Calm down, it’s only yarn and wool

Calm down, and speak to me in English

Please realize that when it comes to knitting, I’m a fool

They sit around for hours as I’m sure you’ve seen and heard,

But only other knitters understand a single word

With stitches, rows and colums, and of patterns they do brag

The lady that you’re talking to has needles in her bag!

[Chorus]

The knitter faction’s growing, the day may be at hand

When everyone must lurn to knit by government command!

I do not think I’ll mind it, I’ve not minded the reverse

‘Cause making wools from sweater is a thing that I rehearsed

[Chorus]

One day I’ll learn to knit, but I still doubt I’ll do it well

It won’t be that amazing and I don’t think it will sell

Though it might take a lifetime I intend to see it through

I want to be a part of this exclusive in-crowd too!

[Chorus]

Calm down, it’s only pins and needles,

Calm down, it’s only yarn and wool

Calm down, and speak to me in English

I understand that knitting is a hobby that must rule

I know that in this day and age, it’s now considered cool

Please realize that when it comes to knitting, I’m a fool

A Math Proof

No tune yet.

Dedicated to all those people who “undermine” accepted math by writing complete and utter nonsense.

You say the real numbers are a lie

You say that they’re not well defined

You say there is no such thing as PI

And no such thing as the length of a line

[Chorus]

You’re a nut, you’re a kook

Stop referring to your book

Please stop writing this drivel

If you want us to be civil

You wrote a paper, “Cantor Is Wrong”

But the proof is just fine, sorry bud

You and math, it seems, don’t get along

See this paper’s a gibberish flood

[Chorus]

Math is black and white, you troll

If there’s a proof, there’s a proof

And I don’t mean half-percent alcohol

Which is what you’ve been drinking, you goof

[Chorus]

Friction, A Love Song

No tune yet.

You exert forces on my mass

You stop me when I go too fast

Without you I cannot walk

So at you I will not balk

[Chorus]

Friction, you’re entropy’s loyal friend

Friction, a law I cannot bend

Friction, on you I can depend

Friction, together until the end

You’re called a waste of energy

But why cannot the others see

There’s no waste, it just transforms

Into lower, worse, new forms!

[Chorus]

You make me hot when you are near

When we’re together I never fear

You stop my falling, my hands are raw

You my favorite natural law!

[Chorus]

Love Letter (the Conservative version)

Ben Newman has a lovely song called “Love Letter”, which is a metaphor for Progressive Judaism. I could not resist attempting to rewrite it to be about my affiliation – Conservative Judaism. Here’s a version of the last four verses which resonates more closely with my beliefs:

Please don’t say you expect me to make sense of this vastness

For the words are too tricky and so…

See, while some of the laws do make sense when I read them

There are rules that I still need to know

I’ve occasionally heard

That law doesn’t endear

And that what we have here

Is a legal dispute

We both know that’s absurd

But the rules are exacting

As debate they’re attracting

And I am in pursuit –

I just feel that good laws here can still be decided

That’s why I read the words once again

We can talk this thing through, we can learn it anew

Learn it over and over – ‘cause I’ll love you forever –

Each time falling in love with you all over again

Pillar of Flame

TTTO “Horse with No Name”

When I was but a baby

In the water I started my life

Those are the songs that they all sing

But it doesn’t mean a thing

The first thing I knew was my life as a prince

Escaping the crowds

The bush was aflame and the heat was dry

And the air was full of sound

[Chorus]

I’ve walked through the desert with a pillar of flame

As the people did naught but complain

In the desert you can follow the flame

It will keep on burning, ‘cause there’s never no rain

Nye nye nye, nanana, …

After running through the desert sun

We came to the sea which is red

It parted before us, we started to run

Across the dry sea bed

As the story unfolds, when it’s all said and told

I was sad that the army was dead

[Chorus]

Now we’re a new people, and we are free

As we walk from sea to sea

Those are the song that they all sing

But it doesn’t mean a thing

In the desert there are hidden lakes underground

With a rock to disguise them above

I have led you to water and now I’ll turn around

To the homeland that I love

[Chorus]

March of McDonald’s

TTTO “March of Cambreadth”

This is all the fault of Blind Leming Chiffon, BTW!

Customers, now come in

Offer help, please, with a grin!

Will you make this one a meal?

Can’t afford to pass that deal

We will serve as honest drones

For in here we are all pawns

Heart disease will make you die –

How many of them will eat our fries!

All these burgers, must be sold

For we trash them when they’re old

Eat until you die or drop

With that much food it’s hard to stop

Close your minds to stress and pain –

Eat ‘till you’re no longer sane

Let not one fat gram pass by –

How many of them will eat our fries!

Guard the credit and cash as well

With the discounts – more to sell

We know well the game, the score

They will eat here evermore

Toys we sell are full of lead

Oops, some kids will end up dead

But we’ll stand right up and lie!

How many of them will eat our fries!

French, or freedom – just a name

For a food that’s full of shame

Still your bodies pay the toll

As you eat those portions, whole

We will serve as honest drones

For in here we are all pawns

Heart disease will make you die –

How many of them will eat our fries!

[Repeat first verse]

I Think I’m a Zombie

TTTO “I Think We’re Alone Now”

What I most crave –

Is human flesh and some brain matter

So, you think you’ll pray?

You don’t understand

And so I’m

[Chorus]

Shambling just as fast as I can

Walking with my outreaching hands

Tryin’ to get away from the light

And then I feel my friends around me

As we slowly gain some ground

So it’s OK

I think I’m a zombie

I’m biting on a brain in a skull I found –

I think I’m a zombie

The shrieking of the crowds is the loudest sound

Look at the way

The shot-guns are kow-pow-powin’

At night-time or day

Tearing’ me through

And so we’re –

[Chorus]

I Got Me a Mac

TTTO “Nishakti Bahura” by Mika Karney

Now everyone is going “this thing is just cute”

But I’m a techie, and my judgement is astute

Install, configure and make sure that you lock root –

It used to be my only interest and pursuit

Last night the Apple Store – into my heart it hacked

I couldn’t help it, so I got me a Mac

I got me a Mac

A man can never know what’s in his own dreams

I didn’t think that I’d switch teams

Oh my God, it’s an iPod –

I think my head will steam

The screen I saw was looking shiny and it gleamed

Last night the Apple Store – into my heart it hacked

I couldn’t help it, so I got me a Mac

I got me a Mac

They always looked expensive, PCs are just as good

But then last night, I just decided not to brood

And though it is closed source, Steve Jobs’ forbidden fruit

My heart is melted by the sound when it boots

Last night the Apple Store – into my heart it hacked

I couldn’t help it, so I got me a Mac

[repeat first verse]

Banned From PyCon

TTTO “Banned from Argo” by Leslie Fish

When we arrived in PyCon, we saw all the Python stars

Sitting and conversing in the hotel lounge bar

We had high expectations of their hospitality

But found too late it wasn’t geared for hackers such as we

[Chorus]

And we’re banned from PyCon, that’s too bad

Banned from PyCon, and the lot of us are sad

Tutorials and sprints, and open spaces – we want more

But PyCon just won’t let us in the door

Though Python’s pretty simple, we all want it more complex

We wrote a PEP describing a new method – __sex__ (Prounounced “under-sex”)

They told us it’s no good, and that it doesn’t stand a chance

Especially the part where we proposed __romance__

We all like drinking beers, and we all like to share them too

Bought round after round for the whole commiter crew

The team had started coding when the bar announced “last call”

It might explain the errors when I try the new install

Python’s quite high-level, so we thought it wasn’t green

To write Python in Python – oh, please, really, it’s obscene

Now the PyPy bunch is after us, we’re much the worst for wear

Italian, Dutch and Polish – in all those they know to swear!

We asked a simple question, “Why Mercurial, not Bazaar”

“From features that we needed it just doesn’t seem to far”

“Or Git, or SVN, or something else without a doubt!”

So all the core commiters beat us up and kicked us out

We asked around, because we saw that nobody quite gets

The proper way of using Twisted writing programs net-

working, so we said “we’ll just redo it, to be clean”

The will is there but the code is not, our blog’s what people’ve seen

We love to love humanity, we love the peace and quiet

But we could not pass up the chance to incite Perl 6 to riot

And so they challenged Guido, and the rest is history–

With pies that fly about as we sat and drunk our tea

We love to use the wireless, and the wireless loves us too

But only when it’s tummy doing what they know to do

For otherwise the networking won’t work, yes, such is life

6 gadgets for each geek will make the air with wi-fi rife

A bunch of Ruby people and nobody seemed to care

They came in for our summit, but we wondered how they dare

We made some fun of RoR but they don’t want to play

So when they started the stampede we turned and ran away

We like to code in Python and this hobby we don’t hide

And having fun in PyCon was a joyful funny ride

We’re sorry ‘bout the trouble, didn’t mean to cause a fuss

At least we’re sure that PyCon won’t be quick forgetting us

The Page After Last

TTTO Brooke Lunderville’s “The Last Page”

I finished your book and

I don’t like the real world

Your world, seems to me, is more true

The writing was great,

And the reader was willing

And until the fat lady has sung –

T’ain’t over

[Chorus]

I just want to be there again – only this time

With my love, to spare heroes some pain

To write of your magic, to make heroes villains

As through cannon I happily romp

I stare at that last page and

Close my eyes briefly and

The key for the music is there

Before it is over

The lyrics I must share

As it fits the score

That I planned

[Chorus]

I have the dwarf gently

Fall in love with the elf

As they play such a wonderful game

There’s only one cure

For their feelings of love

Start a new fic and

Keep writing

[Chorus]

So I romp

Always a Ninja

TTTO “Always a Woman”, Billy Joel

She can kill with a smile

She can wound with her eyes

She can ruin your life without telling a lie

And she’s only noticed when she wants to be seen

She hides as a child

But she’s always a ninja to me

She can drop from above

And annoy her – they’ll grieve you

Has a cyanide tooth

She can always deceive you

And she’ll kill whom she wants and then hide in a tree

She can stand on a leaf

But she’s always a ninja to me

[Chorus]

Oh–she takes care of herself

She can hide if she wants

And she’s always on time

Oh–and I’ll never find out

Just when did she get in?

She is so hard to find

And she’ll promise no more

Than to kill without hurtin’

As she carefully cuts you

You’ll die ‘fore you’re bleedin’

She’s the best of the best

And the worst she can be

And I just blame myself

‘Cause she’s always a ninja to me

[Chorus]

She is frequently kind

Though she knows to be cruel

She can’t do what she pleases

She follows the rules

And she won’t be convicted

I think you’ll agree

If you’ll irk her, you’ll rue

When the shadows kill you

But she’s always a ninja to me

A Ballad For a DBA

TTTO “Ballada Le’Sokhen Kaful” by Machina

Dedicated to <a href=”http://prodlife.wordpress.com/about/”>Gwen Shapira</a>

It’s a tale of woe and malice, a tale of a DBA

That the users learned to fear and to get out of his way

He would drop production tables when complaints had grown to loud

He would smile and feign surprise and then suggested “use the cloud”

He would backup every hour but would not deign to restore

“If it’s gone, just be more careful, it’s just me the backup’s for”

He would kill off all the queries that had gone on way too long

When the users would complain he would just say that they are wrong

When the database expanded

And the system was too slow

He just shrugged, “go talk to network –

Go tell them your tales of woe”

When the backups all are running and the database is gone

He won’t care about the users, just let an evil yawn

When the disks will come down crashing, if it’s way too late at night

He’ll just sets his cell to “silent”, waits until the morning light

When the database expanded

And the network was too slow

He just shrugged, “go talk to network –

Go tell them your tales of woe”

When the database expanded

I/O rates became too high

He just shrugged, “go talk to storage –

Or just go crawl off and die”

And the coders told him - “Buddy,

All your indices are wrong”

So he told them, “It’s your queries,

and your fault they take too long”

Drift Away

TTTO “Hashmal Zorem B’Kapot Yadekha” (Riki Gal?)

For solid land, oh, my heart is yearning

The rest – they all think me weak

For food and comfort my heart is yearning

My future seems so bleak

For solid land, oh, my heart is yearning

Sailors don’t lose belief

For food and comfort my heart is yearning

From pain, I dream of relief

For solid land, oh, my heart is yearning

There’s naught I’m proud of

For food and comfort my heart is yearning

Warm food right from the stove

In my stomach – hunger burning

Frostbitten are my feet

Only now we’re slowly learning

How to conceit defeat

Oh, for solid land, I’m yearning – yes yearning

Oh, for solid land, I’m yearning – yes yearning

For solid land, oh, my heart is yearning

So long since I lost belief

Just trouble now, oh this journey’s earning

I’ll never know relief

Drop Kick Me, River, Through the Darkness of Space

TTTO “Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life”

[Chorus]

Drop kick me River through the darkness of space

Kick to the shin and a punch to the face

Turn, spin and jump with that rarest of grace

Drop kick me River through the darkness of space

Take me, oh take me, I need you, oh damn

My love is true – read my mind, it’s no sham

Punch me up high, just don’t kick me below

I’ve got the will, River, you’ve got the toe.

[Chorus]

Take on the reavers as you did before

Don’t let a single one through the door

I’m always yours if you’ll always be mine

When you kick and twirl, I can see the divine

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Goes Up to Eleven

TTTO “Hacker’s Heaven” by Steve Savtizky

When you’re starting up a rock band, there are two ways to proceed

Take the time to write good lyrics, or go flat out for speed

If we let them hear our lyrics, we will never win the race

So let’s get some scary speakers and make sure we got good bass

[Chorus]

Let the speakers launch you backwards as we loose a scary yell

And you’re blasting all the people with a billion watts from hell

Let the others speak of safety, let the other bands be shy

This one goes to up eleven, don’t ask why

Ten-thousand watt speakers – there’s a reason they are banned

But when you’re in a hurry, you will blast them when you can

Use a simple chord progression (or just two chords if you dare)

It may not sound much like music, but just ask me if I care

[Chorus]

And when we get to stardom, we will rock around the clock

With out of tune guitars, but it’s close enough for rock

It would take too long to tune them, so we might as well not try

Besides who wants to wait when it’s time to do or die

[Chorus]

We will get ourselves some roadies, we will start a brand new craze

It will be our 15 minutes, though we know it’s just a phase

Let the parents of our fans make sure that they stay in bed

We’ll be acting out our dreams as the ears of fans we shred

[Chorus]

SOS

Tune: original

In my mind’s eye there’s a passage

It’s a hallway on a ship

And I’m sure it is a message,

Clue or tip

[Chorus]

When the water level’s rising, there is nothing I can do

We are going down under, all the passsengers and crew

And I’m sending out a signal, it’s a message of distress

I am tapping dots and dashes – S.O.S.

It’s a symbol, it’s a stand-in

It’s an icon, a disguise

I have gotten understanding

Of those cries

[Bridge]

When you figure out solutions then the story has to end

But there is just this one message I must send

So farewell, oh, world, I’m leaving

But before I say goodbye

In the midst of all the grieving

I found why

[Chorus]

McGyver’s Song

TTTO “Hit Me With Your Best Shot”, Pat Benatar

With thanks to <a href=”http://failbook.com/2010/06/02/funny-facebook-fails-hit-me-with-your-pet-shark/”>a failbook post</a>

Well you’re a real supervillain – at least so I hear –

So you use traps of death, like the one in here

That’s OK, I think there’s nothing to it,

I’ll escape, and you can watch me do it

[Chorus]

Kill me with your pet shark,

Why don’t you kill me with your pet shark

Kill me with your pet shark –

That’s what I say!

You use a lot of minions, you don’t fight fair,

But I have science knowledge, you don’t stand a prayer

Tie me up, it’s all in vain

Supervillains cannot match my brain

[Chorus]

Well you’re a real supervillain – at least so I hear –

So you use traps of death, like the one in here

And soon I’ll pull an unlikely escape

Using nothing but some a paper clip and rolls of tape

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Drunk Like a Fish

Tune: original

Goldfishes swimming in water

Cannot imagine the slaughter

On the table with food –

You know this can’t be good

[Chorus]

You get drunk if you drink like a fish

So fish are drunk all the time

And I bet that some people wish

They avoided the fish-drinking crimes

Goldfishes meeting the fandom

Cannot imagine the freedom

As they’re poured in a glass –

They are dropped on their ass

[Chorus]

Goldfishes surviving the danger

Cannot imagine the stranger

That has poured them right back –

Now they won’t be a snack

[Chorus]

Give You a Ride

TTTO “Catch the Tide”, Talis Kimberly

Saw you here and so I came to greet you

Saw you worried and I wondered why

Then relieved as you turned to face me

Replying, when I said goodbye:

“Can you drive me, do you have some car-space,

Or would you leave me here” – I should have fled

Though I accept fate with only few ill-graces

Well, you know that I could only have said

[Chorus]

You know it’s fun when we just hang out together

No matter where we go or where we roam

But the buses would just you take forever

And I know that you cannot walk home

If you need it, I can give you a ride, my dear

If you need it, I can give you a ride

I’m not sorry, it is nice you need me

I like to drive and so I won’t stop now

In a few years time perhaps you may not need me

If your driving finally is allowed

I do expect you to remember me kindly

But I won’t ask for more when I am gone

I could move elsewhere, so it isn’t really slavery

But nowhere else can I have that much fun

[Chorus]

When the party’s done I walk around and look for you

Though I pretend it’s just to say goodbye

I don’t dare drive away, I worry for you

I cannot leave here, leave you high and drive

I do not want to feel the full force of your vengeance

So you know I can’t just leave you here

It’s late at night and you long for your sweet dreams

Well I’m tired now – I’m tired now, but my dear:

[Chorus]

Miracles and Wonders

TTTO “Boy in the Bubble” by Paul Simon

There is a shutter-click

And the app is beeping

As it notices the QR codes

There is a LED light

When our phones connect to facebook

So every couple’s marriage

Is sent to us by radio

[Chorus]

There are the days of miracle and wonder,

Like cellphones making a call

When kids can play with better things than LOGO

As chips can keep getting small

The way we notice a distant exo-planet

By seeing just a wobble in a star

These are the days of miracle and wonder,

We’ll go far, baby, go far, go far

It’s a new land

When the thinking hits the pay-dirt

Another idea is given birth

And inert sand,

Turning into silicon

Making the transistors

As we automate the earth

[Bridge]

It’s an automatic chat-bot

It’s making pretty pie-charts

From shoulders of great giants, we launch into a running start

Medicine is glorious, a life-preserving art

Think of the boy in the bubble

And the baby with the babboon heart

These are the days of lasers playing music

Lasers playing music, somewhere

Staccatto signals of bit-wise information

No longer just for the millionaires

Or billionairs, and baby…

[Chorus]

The Magic of Science

Tune: original

Filk about <a href=”http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5782108/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Methods_of_Rationality”>Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality</a>

When the owl delivers the letter

Will I show my dad he does not know better?

I suggest an experiment — he can’t refuse

Though I know that he thinks it’s all a ruse

[Chorus]

For he who knows both science and magic

Will rule the world, I don’t know how well

Will the end of my story be tragic?

There’s no evidence yet to tell

[Bridge]

I have made mistakes, I don’t know who to trust

But the state of affairs just evokes disgust!

There is wrong in the world, it is too unjust

I must find the lever that I can adjust

With the Lord of Darkness defeated

Will I find myself in his dark throne seated?

For it is an old pattern, but is it real?

Is there light inside me enough to heal?

[Chorus]

Will I create a heaven or hell?

There’s no evidence yet to tell!

When I Was a Troll

TTTO “When I Was a Boy” by Frank Hayes

When I was a troll, on Kuro5hin (pronounced corrosion)

Leaving some flamebaits for fun

Getting the newbies to answer

Now kuro5hin’s forgotton, not gone

But it still beat the postings on sci.math

Asking that tired old mine

Querying whether 1.0 is the same

As 0.99999

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot

Modded them upwards to five

And petrified Natalie Portman

Keeping discussions alive

Back when 4chan was not even three-chan

And a CAPTCHA? Oh really, how droll!

And we posted from funny accounts

When I was a troll

When I was a troll on ol’ usenet

Posting on comp.language.c

Explaining ‘bout garbage collection

And asking on structures for trees

And you kids who complain that the World Wide Web

Is spammy oughtta cut out your bitchin’

‘Cus when I was a troll every flamewar

Was turned into wars of religion!

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot,

Modded them upwards to five

And petrified Natalie Portman,

Keeping discussions alive

Back when 4chan was not even two-chan

And a lolcat? Oh really, how droll!

And we posted from wireless networks

When I was a troll.

When I was a troll all the forums

Were belonging to us where they stood

And we wrapped all our memes in macros,

To protect them as best as we could

And we made people in hurl in a bucket

When we linked to some horrible pr0n,

And we rickrolled and goetsed and tubgirled,

Because we could not let you down!

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot,

Modding them upwards to five,

And petrified Natalie Portman,

Keeping discussions alive

Back when 4chan was not even one-chan

And Anonymous? Oh really, how droll?

And we did all our posting from proxied connections

When I was a troll

Willow

OMG! I found some of my ooooold Buffy filks. Posting them for posterity.

TTTO “Lola”

I met her in a highschool in Sunnydale

Where the vampires eat the postmen so that you never ever get mail

Mail in Sunnydale, no chance

I saw the little runt sitting there on a bench

When I asked her name and in a quiet voice she said “Willow”

Wi-wi-wi-wi-Willow

Wi-wi-wi-wi-Willow

Well, I’ve been around, but I ain’t ever seen

A girl who look like a a geek but a witch since she was teen

Oh, my Willow

Wi wi wi wi Willow

Well, I’m not dumb, but I can’t understand

How she does those spells just by waving her hand

Oh, my Willow

Wi Wi wi wi Willow

Well, I left home just a week before

And I’ve never ever seen a vampire before

But Buffy Summers, she staked the vamp, like that

But when it comes to magic, Willow is the best bet

Well, I was amazed with what I’ve just seen

And I sure hope Willow will never get mean

Wi wi wi wi Willow

Wi wi wi wi Willow

So she became veiny black

This wasn’t a fake

She even killed Rake

Well, she almost lost her head

But I won’t forget what Xander said

He said, “Will, stay away from the darker side

And if you start to go astray, let the crayon be your guide”

Oh, my Willow

Wi wi wi wi Willow

“I know what Warren did was really rough

“But remember that you killed him, and that is enough”

Oh, my Willow

Wi wi wi wi Willow

Then she heard her friends really got in a mess

So she’s gonna have to leave Giles, I guess

How not to be evil, she almost knows

And if she can’t wing it then the whole world goes

Now she even got past Amy’s spell

The kiss got her past her personal hell

Wi wi wi wi Willow

Wi wi wi wi Willow

Wi wi wi wi Willow

Fight Fiercely, Scoobies

OMG! Found some of my oooold Buffy filks.

TTTO “Fight Fiercely, Harvard”

Fight fiercely, Scoobies,

fight, fight, fight!

Demonstrate to them our skill

Albeit they possess the might

Nonetheless, you have Will

How we shall celebrate out victory,

We shall invite the watcher up for tea

(How jolly!)

Hurl that stake into the heart, and

Fight fight fight!

Fight fiercely, Scoobies,

fight, fight, fight!

Impress them with your prowess, do!

Oh, fellows, do not let the Slayer down,

Be of stout heart and thru.

Come on, chaps, fight to stop the apocalypse,

Won’t it be peachy if the world remains?

(Oh, goody)

Let’s try to injure them, and

Fight, fight, fight!

And let’s be rough, now,

Fight, fight, fight!

And do fight fiercely!

Fight, fight, fight!

Slaying Vampires in the Park

OMG! I found some of my ooold Buffy filk.

TTTO “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park”

Spring is here, a-suh-pring is here

Life is skittles and life is beer

I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring,

I do, don’t you? ‘Course you do

But there’s one thing that makes spring complete for me

And makes every midnight a treat for me

All the world seems all right

In the spring at midnight

As we slay the vampires in the park

Ev’ry midnight you’ll see

My sweetheart and me,

As we slay the vampires in the park

When they see us coming, the vampires all try an’ kill

But we smile to ourselves and just practice our daily drill

The moon’s shining bright

Ev’rything seems all right

When we slay the vampires in the park

We’ve gained notoriety,

And caused much anxiety

In the vampire society

With our games.

They call it impiety,

And lack of propriety,

And quite a variety

Of unpleasant names.

But we’re not afraid of their sires

As we kill newly born vampires

So if midnight you’re free,

Why don’t you come with me,

And we’ll slay the vampires in the park.

And maybe we’ll do

In a demon or two,

While we slay the vampires in the park.

We’ll dust them all up them all amid laughter and merriment.

Except for the few we take home to experiment.

Situation is dire

But you’ve got to admire

The dust from vampire

(A splinter’s all we require)

To slay a vampire in the park.

Plastic Spoon

[TTTO “Paper Moon”, Seanan McGuire]

I like to cook, not eat down in the mall

I don’t want to eat in the dirty bars

But washing dishes is just not my goal

Wait I think I hear something – it’s her car

But that doesn’t mean that I’ll stop for good

If I can get away with it, I surely would

So tell my lover, it’s not ending soon,

Because I’m stirring tea using a plastic spoon

I don’t want to live by another’s rules

I’m not just gonna change, no matter how you sneer

Your boundaries seem to not much like my tools

But there ain’t no way that I’m stopping, dear

But just because she gets her way,

It doesn’t mean I won’t go back some day

So tell my lover, it’s not ending soon,

Because I have some rice and a plastic spoon

[Chorus]

Plastic spoons and paper bowls

Paper towels, rolls and rolls

Though the dinner looks like it’s in a mall

I won’t wash dishes, that’s my goal

I do the dishes when she says “goodbye”

I like paper towells, so I’ll take my chance

To dry the dishes with a good 2-ply

I do not really care if some will look askance

Though I’m somewhere off the beaten track,

I can guarantee that I won’t go back.

So tell my lover, it’s not ending soon…

I need to eat the soup with a plastic spoon

[Chorus]

I like to cook, not eat down in the mall

I don’t want to eat in the dirty bars

But washing dishes is just not my goal

Wait I think I hear something – it’s her car

But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop for good

If I could get away with it, I surely would

So tell my lover if she won’t come soon,

I will eat my soup with a plastic spoon,

I’ll consume the rice with a plastic spoon

She won’t see me using a plastic spoon

[Chorus]

Give me plastic spoons and paper bowls,

Paper towels, rolls and rolls

Sweetheart

TTTO “Perakh” by Gidi Gov

My very own mother’s telling me

Not all our choices can be free

She is now getting worried, dear

And for me she is shedding tear

Why did I go so far away

Why is the price so high to pay

I tell her “mommey, there’s no choice”

Her smile, every day, is my rejoyce

[Chorus]

Sweet, lovely, awesome, sweetheart

It is not the black arts

You are my one and only

So please don’t leave me lonely

There really is no need to shout and to yell

Whenever I see you I hear the wedding bells

I cannot think of nought but us

So ask not why I do make a fuss

I know I am strange, this Earth is weird

But I thought all issues had been cleared

Come, do not tell me “no” no more

Open a pathway, gateway, door

You’ll stand beside me, dressed in white

Please have no fear, it’ll be all right

[Chorus]

Back on my planet, saw your smile

Melted my heart, all twenty tiles

A new human body, used force-grow,

Mind uploaded, now watch me go!

Please do not tell me “it’s not real”

I know the price, I made the deal

I became human just for you

Let’s be together just us two

[Chorus]

Sweet, lovely, awesome, sweetheart

It is not the black arts

Sweet, lovely, awesome, sweetheart

Nokia

TTTO of “IKEA” by Jonathan Coulton

Long ago in days of yore

It all began with a phone before

There were Androids in phones

And the iPhone had an app store

There were no apps, hardly at all

And they sold phones for hands that are smaller than mine

As there were hands that are smaller than mine

[Chorus]

Nokia: Simple phones that were made by a handful of Norsemen

Nokia: For the “oh, you know, it can be better when worse” men

Everyone has a phone

But if you don’t have a phone you can buy from them

So don’t debate and don’t discuss

Lay your cash down and put your trust

In the land where the phones are all made in a much smaller size

The thirty-one-hundred says hello

And so does the one called five oh oh oh

And the thirty-five-fifty-five folds and his friends call him Karl

[Chorus]

Nokia: plastic, brushed steel

Nokia: hardy, good deals

Nokia: batteries

All of them last long

All of them belong

I’m sorry I said Nokia sucks

I just bought a smartphone for 60 bucks

And a handset (bluetooth)

And a charger for cars, so I can call there too

I was a doubter just like you

Till I saw the American dream come true

In Verizon they got a goddammed Finnish parade

[Chorus]

Page Me Maybe

(TTTO Call Me Maybe)

The site was up, now it fell, Don’t ask me why, I can’t tell, We’ve got an outage from hell, And now it’s ruined my day

I got the page, now I wish I wasn’t looking at this They say ignorance bliss, So knowledge ruined my day

The site is not loading, Good things it’s not boding, Crashes, sloppy coding, This outage is getting scary

[Chorus] Hey, now, here’s my pager – I always carry, And I’m the on-call, it beeped – it’s scary It’s hard to wake up, my eyes are weary But I’m the on-call, it beeped – it’s scary

You took your time with the call It’s been a while since nightfall I’m tired, can’t think at all But I can’t wait ‘till day

I hoped it was no big deal, Maybe a blip – no it’s real The site is gone, and I feel It’s gonna ruin my day

Metrics quickly falling All queues, backed and slowin’ Midnight, problem growin’ How did the dashboard get so scary?

[Chorus] [Chorus]

[Bridge] Before you paged me late at night, It wasn’t so bad, It wasn’t so bad, It wasn’t so so bad, Before you paged me late at night It wasn’t so bad, It wasn’t so bad, It wasn’t so so bad, Before you paged me late at night Before you came into my life It wasn’t so bad, And you should know that It wasn’t so bad, It’s hard to look at the alert, it’s scary

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

Your beeps, they’re scary

Sea Sickness Shanty

TTTO Laura Shigihara’s Poo Sea Shanty

“Just take a cruise,” they told me,

“Away from all your woes,

The sea is fine, you’ll feel relaxed

from head down to your toes”

The cruise was booked and paid for,

And I got on the boat

The winds were strong, the waves were high,

And I lost all my oats!

Chorus:

On no, I’m feeling sick

I cannot keep food down

But if I lean far overboard

I’ll fall off and I’ll drown

There are so many tricks, now,

To fight the need to spew

I’ve tried them all and they don’t work

So stop, I beg of you

This cruise will end one day and

I’ll finally eat again

Until that day, just leave me be,

To hurl and then complain

Chorus:

On no, I’m feeling sick

I cannot keep food down

But if I lean far overboard

I’ll fall off and I’ll drown